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Tag Archives: pacifism

Punching-Bag Faiths Make Bid For ‘Real Religion’ Status

07 Thursday Jun 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Politics, Religion

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

alcoholism, bigotry, bravery, Catholicism, Christians, double standards, Germany, holiness church, Holocaust, hypocrisy, Jehovah's Witnesses, Jews, LDS, Methodists, Mormons, muslims, NAMBLA, pacifism, Quakers, religious intolerance, religious persecution, safe to joke about, snake handlers, weirdos

Originally Posted 01.03.12

By Smaktakula

Man, It Is So Refreshing Not Have To Make Up Some Excuse About His Politics, And Instead Simply Be Able To Say, “I’m Not Gonna Vote For This Guy ‘Cause I Hate His Crazy Religion.”

It’s no secret that joking about religion can be a dicey prospect. While it may occasionally still be safe to joke about baby-buggering bishops outside the earshot of any nearby papists (which means refraining from comment in bars, bingo parlors or AA meetings), kicking the Catholics is increasingly frowned upon in polite society. The Jews, for centuries the go-to faith for angry scapegoaters, have in the last half-century begun to push back with vehemence against all insults real and imagined. Even Islam, long-acknowledged as the most easy-going among all the Great Faiths, has begun to take a firmer hand with those who besmirch its many anachronistically inflexible tenets. It seems like nobody wants to be poked fun at any more, and doing so can cost you your job–or worse.

If Physical Intimidation Is Your Thing, Why Not Pick On The Quakers, Jehovah’s Witnesses Or Amish?–They’re Pacifists–Although They’re Tougher Than They Look.

That’s why we’re so lucky in America to have weirdo religions like the Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, snake-handlers and the like. When feeling down, who hasn’t picked himself up by joking that the Mormon guy at work “probably has like eight wives?” And almost everyone has personally experienced the joy of bonding with a stranger over a simple conversation about how fucking annoying it is to have somebody come to your door once or twice a year to tell you that God loves you.

“Would You PLEASE Stop Saying That? It’s Offensive.”

But even these small comforts may soon be a memory. Kicking bizarre religions could become a quaint relic of yesteryear if these fundamentalist wackos get their way, and pretty soon we may have to start treating these fringe-dwellers like real faiths–with respect. Ridiculous!  We would rather see our daughters forced into a life of prostitution than to compromise our principles by treating a snake handler as if he were the spiritual equal of a Methodist or a Muslim. Not only is snake handling illegal in most civilized states, but its disturbing tenets fall completely outside the boundaries of what Promethean Times deems acceptable for a ‘normal’ religion.

We Call Bullshit. They’re Happy AND They Enjoy Spending Time With Their Families? Just What The Fuck Is Wrong With These People?

While we believe that, without exception, tolerance should be extended to every person on Earth regardless of his or her wacky beliefs, we can’t stand Mormons because of their extreme and hateful view of homosexuality–they strongly disapprove of it. Perhaps if we outlawed their ridiculous religion they’d understand how important it is to tolerate people with differing beliefs, even those considered offensive.

Sure, We All Know That Church On Saturday Is Weird And Wrong. But If You Want To Avoid Real Trouble, Make Sure The Line Of People At Which You’re Throwing Eggs Is Coming Out Of A Kingdom Hall.

What can we say about the Jehovah’s Witnesses that we haven’t said before?  The really irritating thing about the Jehovah’s Witnesses is that when they’re mocked and the faith they hold so dear is distorted by a bunch of sneering half-truths, they retaliate by taking the time to write a nice note with a polite point-by-point response to the issues upon which there is disagreement. Some call it ‘turning the other cheek,’ but we call it fighting dirty.

Plus, They’re Cowards. When Most Other Able-Bodied German Men Were Doing Their Part To Enslave The Remaining Free Peoples Of Europe, The Jehovah’s Witnesses Decided They’d Rather Stay Home And Camp.

Although the American public still enjoys the right to publicly belittle these various zealots without fear of social opprobrium, the winds are changing. Soon, we may be forced to place these factions on par with those groups which have a legitimate history of persecution, like NAMBLA, the North American Man-Boy Love Association. Until then, we ask that other people of legitimate faiths to join us in fervently wishing that a few more of those freaks get bit by their own deadly serpents.

Serves You Right For Being Such A Weirdo.

In America, we treat all beliefs with equal respect.  You can get behind that or you can get the fuck out. ∞T.

The Nobel Prize For Acceptable Politics

12 Tuesday Oct 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture, History, Politics, Stupidity

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Afghanistan, African National Congress, Al Gore, Al Gore is the political Art Garfunkel, Albeert Lutuli, ANC, Andrei Sakharov, Barack Obama, China, closeted homosexual, dissident, Henry Kissinger, hypocrisy, Jimmy Carter, Le Duc Tho, Liu Xiaobo, Mahatma, Martin Luther King Jr., Mikhail Gorbachev, Mohandas Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Nobel Committee, Nobel laureates, Nobel Peace Prize, non-violence, Norway, pacifism, Peace Prize as political statement, resignation in protest, Ronald Reagan, Shimon Peres, undeserving winners, Yasser Arafat, Yitzhak Rabin

By Smaktakula

We're Not Altogether Sure That Ben Stein Deserves The Nobel Peace Prize. Ferris Bueller Just Doesn't Hold Up.

The Nobel Peace Prize was once one of the most prestigious honors an individual could receive, given out for actions which furthered the pursuit of peace.  Many previous laureates are deservedly beloved either for their work toward establishing peace, or for the peaceful means by which they achieved change under difficult circumstances: Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Andrei Sakharov, Jimmy Carter, and non-violent head of the African National Congress, Albert Lutuli.

We're Rough On Jimmy From Time To Time, But He Earned This One.

To some degree, the Nobel Prize has always been about expressing the Nobel Committee’s political view, as in 1973, when the Peace Prize was awarded jointly to Henry Kissinger and Le Duc Tho, the latter having the good grace to refuse the award.  Two members of the committee quit in protest over the selection.

Recently, the award has slipped further toward irrelevance as the politicization of the Peace Prize has increased.  Nelson Mandela, the cause celebre of the late 1980s, was awarded the prize in 1992 despite refusing to renounce violence on behalf of the ANC, an organization he wrested from the non-violent Lutuli.

" . . . For Which I Thank The Nobel Committee. Good Night. Okay, Send 30,000 Fresh Troops To Afghanistan."

In 1993 Yitzhak Rabin and Shimon Peres shared the award with terrorist and closeted homosexual Yasser Arafat.  In 1990 Mikhail “Spot” Gorbachev was awarded the prize, but not his partner in peace, Ronald Reagan.  Following the cue of the American people, the Nobel Committee made Barrack Obama a laureate based on what he might do.  Obama took some time from planning the United States’ escalation of the War in Afghanistan to make a quick speech before the Committee.  Al Gore, America’s Official Second Banana, took home the prize in 2007 for jetting around the world to remind people to travel coach.

Fact: Excessive Amounts Of Self-Satisfaction Can Lead To Obesity.

Awarding the prize to Liu Xiaobo, a Chinese dissident further waters down the meaning of the prize.  Although Liu Xiaobo–and anyone who challenges the Beijing regime is undoubtedly brave–it’s difficult to see what achievements he’s made toward peace.  If anything, riling up an autocratic regime leads to anything but peace.

Arafat's Peace Bona Fides: While Many Of Arafat's Soldiers Died Violently, The Nobel Laureate Died Peacefully In A French Hospital.

Many recipients of the prize are certainly deserving of recognition for their superlative efforts in some field, but the Peace Prize seems cheapened somehow by giving it to people who aren’t really all that interested in peace.  What might work better is if the Nobel Committee first picked their laureate, and then created a one-time prize based on his or her accomplishments.

"So You Have Given This Award To A Killer Like Arafat, But For Ghandiji Nothing? If Your First Thought Upon Awakening This Morning Was To Piss Off The Mahatma, Then Let Me Tell You Something My Friend, 'Mission Accomplished.'"

To better demonstrate exciting innovation in award theory, we proudly present:

The Promethean Situational Peace Prize 2010 Inductees:

The Promethean Peace Prize For Cessation of Hostilities: Henry Kissinger, Le Duc Tho.

The Promethean Peace Prize For Promising to Stop Fighting: Yitzhak Rabin, Shimon Peres, Yasser Arafat.

The Promethean Peace Prize For Potential Future Peacemaking: Barack Obama.

The Promethean Peace Prize For Using Violence To Achieve Political Aims: Nelson Mandela.

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