Tag Archives: presidential election

Democratic Strategists Hard At Work To Uncover More Code Words For ‘Black’

02 Friday Dec 2011

Posted by in Culture, Politics

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By Smaktakula

The Only Western Nation To Elect A Black President Is Still Quite Racist, Apparently.

In 2008, Barack Obama’s supporters did something previously unseen in American presidential politics–they made race an issue in the election.  Recognizing that America’s long-standing racial guilt could easily be played upon, supporters of the then-presidential candidate were quick to paint any criticism of their guy with the tag of racism.

Socialism was one of the first terms to be so racially tinged.  Obama’s supporters successfully convinced a very-willing press that the word implied blackness, despite most Americans not being able to name a single black socialist, with the possible exception of former actor and high school graduate Danny Glover.  Likewise, partisans have managed to attach racial import to the term ‘community organizer,’ Obama’s primary leadership position before assuming the mantle of Leader of the Free World–this despite the ignorance of most Americans as to what a community organizer is in the first place.  These tactics were so successful that to this day, any opposition to the president’s policies evokes cries of racism from some quarters.

It's Racist To Call Obama A Socialist. However, It Is Also Racist To Suggest That All The Really Great Socialists Have Been White.

With the 2012 election approaching, Democratic strategists are hard at work to devise new English (and perhaps some Spanish) words that evoke the secret racism of Obama’s opponents.  Although “community organizer” and “socialist” should still have some traction, new and innovative racism-indicators will be required if this advantage is to be maintained.

There have been some successes.  Although the DNC has yet to release any of 2012’s racially tinged words, well-placed observers have confirmed a handful of the new terms.  Among them are “state senator,” “Hawaiian” and “shitty president.”

He Wants You To Know That The Term 'Flip-Flopper' Is Code For 'Mormon.'

Great Moments In American Diplomacy: Fooling Ivan

08 Wednesday Dec 2010

Posted by in History

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In A Moment Of Patriotic Selflessness, Gerald Ford Declares During The 1976 Presidential Debate That "There Is No Soviet Domination Of Eastern Europe." This Moment Of Feigned Incompetence Handed Carter The Presidency, But Lured Moscow Into A False Sense Of Complacency Which Ultimately Led To The Fall Of Soviet Communism, Ensconcing The Accidental President Among Such Renowned Chief Executives As Chester A. Arthur, William Henry Harrison and Franklin Pierce.

Wyclef’s Just Another Word For Nothing Left To Lose

28 Wednesday Jul 2010

Posted by in Culture, Music, North America, People, Politics

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By Smaktakula

Grammy winner Wyclef Jean announced recently that he was mulling a run in Haiti’s upcoming presidential election.  The Haitian-born ex-Fugee is reportedly filing the necessary paperwork in the event he decides to make a bid in November.        

What The Hell, Right? Haiti Could Do A Lot Worse. In Fact, It Has.

This revelation is less shocking than it might at first appear.  Jean is internationally renowned, both for his music and for his political activism, and is particularly beloved in his native Haiti.  Moreover, the recent financial troubles involving Jean’s charity indicate that he possesses the requisite fiduciary irresponsibility to hold Haiti’s highest office.       

In the United States, entertainers have for many years distinguished themselves in politics.  Fred “Gopher” Grandy, Ben “Cooter” Jones and Rick “Santorum” Santorum are some of the best-known.        

Jean Won't Be The First Entertainer To Try His Hand In Politics. He Could, However, Be The First Black One. Also The First To Be Worth A Damn.

If Jean is serious about his bid, he’ll think of a good nickname.  Everybody remembers the brutal hereditary dictatorship of the Duvaliers–the Kim Il-sung and Kim Jong-il of the Caribbean.  First there was Francois “Papa Doc” Duvalier, who ruled the country from 1957 through 1971.  He was succeeded by his son, Jean-Claude “Baby Doc” Duvalier, who was finally ousted in 1986.  The Duvaliers may have been brutal thugs, but they had cool nicknames.       

Conversely, Jean-Bertrand Aristide was similarly despotic (although never matching the glorious excesses of the father and son tag-team), serving a couple non-consecutive terms before being chased out in 2004.  Despite being only six years removed from the national scene, the former priest is virtually forgotten.  A nickname may have been the only thing separating Aristide from historical immortality.  Jean-Bertrand Aristide is eminently forgettable, but “Gris-Gris” Aristide sticks in the memory.        

The Dynasty Duvalier: Despotism Done Right. Plus, Kick-Ass Nicknames!

Wyclef Jean is a man capable of making the leap from celebrity to statesman.  The right nickname will cement his place in history.  With this in mind, Promethean Times extends its most heartfelt wishes for success to Wyclef “Fugeeman” Jean.  Knock ’em dead, Fugeeman!