People Actually Believe That? Ramtha And The Lizard-Beasts Of Mt. Rainier

By Smaktakula

Religions have long been in the business of promulgating wacky theories: the Immaculate Conception, Lord Brahma’s birth from a lotus flower grown from Vishnu’s navel, the prospect of 72 black-eyed virgins upon martyrdom.  But some religions, unwilling to be lumped in with the merely slightly bizarre rank-and-file, go the extra mile to prove they’re just a little bit crazier than the rest.  The Ramtha Cult is one of these.        

JZ Knight founded Ramtha’s School of Enlightenment in Yelm, Washington back in 1987.  Knight is lucky enough to be the host of Ramtha, a 35,000 year old Lemurian warrior.        

A Howler Monkey + The Joker = JZ Knight

Knight conducts Ramtha workshops all over the world, and the church currently boasts a membership of more than 6,000 cultists.  This brain-trust believes that with Ramtha’s teachings, they will some day be able to develop fantastic super-powers such as telepathy, clairvoyance and psychokinesis, as well as other improbable metahuman abilities.        

Thinks: "Wicca Is An Equally Ridiculous, But Slightly Less Expensive Waste Of Time."

However, the Ramtha Cult is hardly the first pseudo-church to promise fantastic abilities to the most rigorous adherents.  What catapults the Ramthafarians into stratospheric-level crazy is the Sinister Secret of Mt. Rainier.        

This terrible piece of lore was lost for thousands of years, but was recovered through the valiant efforts of Ramtha, Knight and their legion of cultists.  Thanks to the lightning-fast exchange of data in the information era, this knowledge can at last be made public.        

An evil and ancient race of lizard men dwells in the dark and secret places under the earth.  These foul, carnage-driven demons would love nothing more than to go medieval on the human race.  For millenia, they have been trapped in their dark environs, festering with unconsummated rage against humanity, of which generations rose and fell, ignorant of the threat beneath their feet.        

However, Ramtha, through his prophet JZ Knight has revealed that on an unspecified but very near date, Rainier will erupt with an heretofore unknown fury, laying waste to much of the surrounding areas.  Those who die quickly will be the lucky ones.  The rest of humanity will fall victim to the lizard men’s rapine abuses.        

Yelm lies in the shadow of Mt. Rainier, and thus on the first line of defense against the reptilian onslaught.  Ramthafarians have prepared for this eventuality, however, and have lined their homes with the one substance which can drive away or conquer the ravening lizard-beasts: copper.        

Copper. Really? That's The Best You Could Come Up With?


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19 Responses to People Actually Believe That? Ramtha And The Lizard-Beasts Of Mt. Rainier

  1. thinksquad says:

    The Best Conspiracy Theories (Lizard-People Are Running the World!)

    A while back Wired Magazine did an article on Lizard men. But researching it, you find HUGE camps of actual Conspiracy Theories who do believe that Lizard Men do rule the world.

    Here’s another site for you:

    I would say to anyone who actually believes this shit, “Add some more tinfoil to your antenna, because your picking up some heavy interference.”

  2. Smaktakula says:

    Thanks for the links. We’d actually come across the Wired article previously, but the second link was completely new. Conspiracy theories are full of batshit crazy goodness.

    We always listen, though. You never know when the crazies will turn out to be right.

  3. Lexy says:

    Ok, this is ridiculous. They DO NOT believe in lizard people!!! for the love of god! Who in their right minds would believe in lizard people living in Mt rainier??? Goodness!

    • Smaktakula says:

      Thanks for writing, Lexy.
      Not only do they believe it–but we assure you, it’s true! The Puget Sound area is kept intact only through the awesome power of Ramtha, coupled with the protective energies of copper.

      When the lizards do come, you’ll not want it said that you were a doubter.

    • Andrew says:

      People wanting to put faith in something even if it is complete crap like this sad to say

  4. Batshit says:

    It’s true. My ex-girlfriend was actually a lizard woman and the sex was fuckin epic. but I got her pregnant so when she laid her lizard eggs I stomped on them and took a shit on her bed. It’s true

  5. Anonymous says:

    ya these people really believe this shit..i used to live next to the compound they live on, but as many times as i tried i could never get a look inside to see what weird shit they might be doing.

  6. arturothepoolboy says:

    What you want to know, man, is that the rumor around here has it that Smaktakula spent some time in that area as a kid. He must have seen some whack shit, although it most likely didn’t affect him into adulthood.

  7. Andrew says:

    @ Batshit that has got to be the funniest thing anyones ever said bout heir ex, and the egg part was great:)

  8. Andrew says:

    Yeah people do actually believe this kinda stuff sad

  9. Zachary Kohls says:

    if lizards are going to come out of the mountain why would you live right with the mountain is at.

  10. Sven says:

    @Smaktakula do you actually think that lizard people live in a mountain?

  11. Noah Boneher says:

    She looks like a lousy lay too. Guarantee she’s dead in the sack,…not even a fake moan.

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