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Daily Archives: June 25, 2010

Buzzkill Judge Ruins Awesome Saudi Kegger

25 Friday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Human Rights, Islam, Middle East, People, Politics, Relationships, Religion, Social Networking, World Affairs

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Tags

adult breast-feeding, Arrakis, backwater shithole, buzzkill, Footloose, Ha'il, intolerance, Islamic law, John Lithgow, lashing, Muhammad, mullahcracy, punishment, Saudi Arabia, Saudi clerics, Sharia law, town elders, wacky mullahs, Wahabi

A real-life version of the movie Footloose played out recently in Saudi Arabia.  Unlike the cinematic version, the Wahabi version did not end with the creaky town elders learning to loosen up and have a little fun once in a while.  Also, no glitter.         

Actually Much Cooler Than His Real-Life Counterpart.

In the backwater shithole of Ha’il,  fifteen men and women vowed to fight the antiseptic tedium of their earth-bound Arrakis in the only way they knew how: by throwing the biggest all-night rager in the history of the caliphate.            

Just as Lithgow & co. despised dancing, the mullahcracy took a dim view of the young Saudis’ bacchanalian revelry.  Scandalized by the thought of eleven unmarried men and four husbandless women mingling–mingling!– at a party, the town’s sense of propriety was badly bruised.  Fortunately, a judge soberly deliberated upon Islamic law, and levelled a sentence deemed appropriate by most voices in the community:              

A severe beating, followed by some contemplative time in a Saudi jail cell.           

It Pretty Much Happens Just Like This.

The court proved even more merciful on the fourth woman–a minor–who only received lashings.  A source close to the woman reported:            

“She thanks merciful God and His prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) that for her great crimes, the wise mullahs sought only to beat her within an inch of her life.”             

It Was At About This Point That The Party Got Crazy.

Some human rights advocates have decried the Saudis’ punishment as unduly harsh.  While it may seem extreme by Western standards, can you imagine what would have happened if it were a human breast-milk party?            

Damn! Check Out That Hot Little Number On The Left.

Oh He Don’t Score At Bowl-O-Rama/Still You Gotta Thank His Mama: Saudi Arabia convicts 15 men, women for mingling at party – USATODAY.com.       

Smaktakula  

Tell The Town Elders At Facebook All About It

Put Down The Crisco, Jabba!

25 Friday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Culture, Duh, Food, General Foolishness, Health, National Events, People, Political Correctness

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

big fatso, Center for Science in Public Interest, customer of size, do-gooders, fat ass, fat people, Jabba the Hutt, McDonald's, nanny state, person of size, syphilitic monkeys, Two and a Half Men, Why am I so fat?

The Center for Science in Public Interest wants you to know that it’s okay that you’re too stupid to make nutrition choices on your own, either for yourself or your children.     

That’s why the CSPI is threatening to sue McDonald’s, the world’s most popular purveyor of food-flavored edible products, unless the fast-food giant stops including toys with its popular Happy Meals.     

Not Only Did McDonald's Make Him An Evil Mutant, But It May Also Have Contributed To His Little Weight Problem.

“McDonald’s is the stranger in the playground handing out candy to children,” CSPI’s litigation director, Stephen Gardner, said in a prepared statement. “It’s a creepy and predatory practice that warrants an injunction.”     

Countered a McDonald’s representative:     

“The toy is plastic, retard.  Zero calories.    

Y’know, if we really gave a fuck about the nation’s creme-filled arteries, we’d leave out the food.”     

It boils down to this:  You’re a syphilitic monkey too stupid to refuse poison if it’s presented to you in a nice bottle with a shiny bow.      

Don’t bother thinking about it.  Why don’t you watch some TV?  I think Two and a Half Men is on . . .     

I’ll Just Take My Fat Ass Somewhere Else: McDonald’s faces lawsuit over marketing to kids – Jun. 22, 2010.     

Smaktakula

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