Tags
anticlimactic stories, cliche, flash fiction, hibiscus, I got a bad feeling about this one, mangrove, optimism, pessimism, Promethean Short Short Stories
By Smaktakula
I got a bad feeling about this one, Sarge.
The private’s eyes shone bright and innocent under the moonshadow cast by hibiscus-draped mangroves, hulking and gnarled with age.
I’m gonna buy it out here. I can feel it.
A nightjar’s call pierced the chittering insect liturgy that was the land’s buzz-choked heartbeat. The young man cried out at the sound.
Sarge’s voice twinkled with checked laughter: You’ll be fine, Kid. I’ll bet you’re back home in Valley City before Thanksgiving.
Sure, the young man said, trying to imbue his words with a conviction he did not feel.
And wouldn’t you know it? Sarge was right: the war ended two days later and everyone involved lived happily ever after.
A great little prose, but I would change Valley City to Jackpot Nevada, a little inside joke to other PT followers.
A great suggestion, and believe it or not, the idea did occur to us. However, we wanted the young soldier’s hometown to have a pleasant connotation–sort of small town USA–that a cesspit like Jackpot couldn’t convey.
Valley City does have a better ring to it than, say, Puyallup or Tillicum. I like it.