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By Smaktakula

Not Only Does It Taste Great, But It Keeps Your Hard-Earned Money Out Of The Hands Of Europeans. Remember, You're Not The Marshall Plan.

If you find yourself uttering the tired line, “American beer is crap,” or some similar aspersion against domestic brew,* then–like it or not–you’re an asshole, and a pretentious one at that.  While the typical mass-produced American beer tastes like pickled pig’s piss,  a number of craft and smaller-production brews are available throughout the nation.

Do You Imagine That The Krauts Drink This Swill?

Listen–everybody wants to make a good impression, but advertising your love of expensive, skunky pisswater over finely-crafted but umlaut-lacking American brews heralds your ignorance to the world.  Not only does such knavery piss off red-blooded Full Sail Ale drinkers and true-blue fans of Fat Tire, but it won’t impress the cute French girl you’re hitting on nearly as much as offering her a pack of stinky cigarettes.

Nothing Says "Culture" Like Ass-Flavored Cigarettes.

*This admonition applies to American citizens only.  We recognize that citizens of other beer-drinking countries will no doubt hold their own brews in higher esteem than those crafted in our own liberty-loving, Providence-blessed Republic.  We appreciate your loyalty to your country’s inferior product. ∞T.
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