Tags
Beck's, beer, beer-based jingoism, Could you be an asshole?, domestic beer, douchebaggery, Europe, European beer, European cigarettes, Fat Tire, Firestone, foreign beer, France, French, Full Sale Ale, Gauloises, Germany, Jerry, knavery, Krauts, Marshall Plan, my country's beer right or wrong, pickled pig's piss is a delicacy in Europe, pretentious beer-drinkers, skunky beer, Smaktakula's alcoholic nationalism, stinky cigarettes, the French, the French people's love of stinky things, The Hun, things which taste like ass, United States of America
By Smaktakula
Not Only Does It Taste Great, But It Keeps Your Hard-Earned Money Out Of The Hands Of Europeans. Remember, You're Not The Marshall Plan.
If you find yourself uttering the tired line, “American beer is crap,” or some similar aspersion against domestic brew,* then–like it or not–you’re an asshole, and a pretentious one at that. While the typical mass-produced American beer tastes like pickled pig’s piss, a number of craft and smaller-production brews are available throughout the nation.
Do You Imagine That The Krauts Drink This Swill?
Listen–everybody wants to make a good impression, but advertising your love of expensive, skunky pisswater over finely-crafted but umlaut-lacking American brews heralds your ignorance to the world. Not only does such knavery piss off red-blooded Full Sail Ale drinkers and true-blue fans of Fat Tire, but it won’t impress the cute French girl you’re hitting on nearly as much as offering her a pack of stinky cigarettes.
Nothing Says "Culture" Like Ass-Flavored Cigarettes.
Promethean Times 
Wow, Gauloises Blondes. That is what I smoked in Iraq. $7 a carton. Boy they were bad too. You don’t know how good American tobacco is until you taste shit from somewhere else. USA, USA, USA!
That’s surprising, given that no alcohol is allowed for contractors in Iraq. If you were allowed to get shitty, smoking Gauloises would make sense. But given that you’re expected to face them sober . . . no es bueno.
Mmmmm, Fat Tire…..my favorite!
My favorite is actually Guinness, which should begin to underscore the staggering depths of my hypocrisy.