Arturo the Intern, athletes, Baja Fresh, bong, Canada, cannabis, Corn Nuts, dope, Flying Tomato, Funyuns, gingers, grass, hemp, making excuses, medalist, Michael Phelps, Olympic Committee, Olympics, poppyseed bagels, pot, Red Vines, reefer, Ross Rebagliati, Shaun White, snowboarders, snowboarding, sticky-icky super-chronic, stoners, sweet sweet cheeba, THC, United States of America, weed, Weedies, Xbox
Michael Phelps’ fall from grace and subsequent loss of several lucrative endorsement deals after being photographed pulling on a bong must send a chill through the athletic community, particularly among those athletes in low-paying sports who depend on endorsements to maintain their lifestyle. According to friends, snowboarder Shaun White is one of the athletes said to be playing on the edge. Said an unnamed source, “We keep trying to tell Shaun that he’s just one bust away from stocking the salsa bar at Baja Fresh.”
Promethean Times managed to secure an interview with the Flying Tomato at the athlete’s home. Although our intern, Arturo, spent over twelve hours with White, the interview tapes last only a few minutes, Arturo’s questions having to be squeezed in between White’s interminable Xbox sessions with friends, tours of his home which included views of his extensive air-freshener and incense collection, and the athlete’s repeated offers of such sundries as Red Vines, Corn Nuts and Funyuns.
Perhaps White’s most salient insight during the interview was this:
Yeah, I’ve heard the rumors–who hasn’t? I want to clear the air–heh–regarding this matter once and for all: I don’t smoke pot.
He went on to add:
But I saw on TV one time that for someone to overdose on marijuana they’d have to smoke a bag of weed the size of a house, and they’d have to do it in like fifteen minutes or something!
Dude, can you totally imagine a house made of pot? That would be fuckin’ sweeeeeeeeeet! People’d be like, “Hey Shaun, what happened to your doorknobs, man?” And I’d be like, “I don’t know, man!”
At this one of Shaun’s friends whispered in his ear, after which the Gold-Medal ginger said:
Um, I mean just for pretend, y’know?–Completely and totally not for reals.
Hey dude, are you recording this?
Of course, like anyone else, White is innocent until proven guilty. Even if the rumors prove false, the damage has been done. Many within the sport privately fear that recurring allegations of marijuana use among its athletes could doom snowboarding’s clean-cut image forever.