environmentalism, General Motors, GM, High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle, HMMWV, Hummer, Humvee, microdick poseurs, Mt. Kilimanjaro, oral sex, pencil-dicks, SUV parasites, SUVs, Tapout, Things we think about, tiny penis, US Military
From 1992 until 2010, the Hummer was the most talked-about vehicle on the roads. The massive SUV, General Motors’ civilian version of the US Military’s High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle, or Humvee, was an object of admiration to off-road enthusiasts and to environmentalists, a garish icon of American rapacity. Although there remain a great many of these automotive behemoths on the road today, GM discontinued the line in 2010, and “Hummer” is quickly returning to its origins as a euphemism for oral sex.
The Hummer has but two uses. It is a powerful and durable all-terrain vehicle, the perfect utility for that small percentage of the population which finds itself in conditions so inhospitable that such a conveyance is necessary. Or, it can serve as an artificial manhood for pitiable pencil dicks with good credit and a dearth of brains.*
Either way, a Hummer without a personalized plate screaming “Look At Me!” just isn’t a Hummer at all.