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Tag Archives: environmentalism

Recycling: Picking Up The Pieces Of Broken Lives

10 Friday Feb 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Science

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Chicken McNuggets, ecology, environment, environmentalism, fortified wine, heart-rending stories, homeless people, litter, panhandling, trash, United States of America, weirdos

By Smaktakula

"This Ain't The America I Know!"

We’ve come a long way in just one generation. It wasn’t so many years ago that the nation was buried from coast to coast in filth: trash subsumed parking lots, fields and empty spaces, with refuse festooned along telephone wires and garbage lining the sides of America’s highways. In recent years, wiser and more proactive voices have been heard, and the West has finally begun the slow march back from the garbage-choked precipice upon which it had found itself.

But our commitment to a cleaner environment comes with a price. While the majority of the population derives huge benefits from these changes in the form of better health and therefore a longer and more enjoyable life, the change in sensibilities has proven devastating for America’s forgotten citizens, who see a cherished way of life coming to an abrupt and painful end.

Some Nations Are Not So Hygienically-Inclined As Are Americans.

Ask yourself: who is left out in the cold by the culture’s ecological zeal? How about those fringers who make their living by digging shit out of the garbage? A plethora of half-eaten Chicken McNuggets and Subway sandwiches will ensure that they eat, but where will they find the money for fortified wine? Consider the middle-aged fellow who hangs out behind the Save-Mart, the dude with the running sore on his cheek who’s forever bickering with the invisible demons hunched upon his shoulders.  Just what do you suppose this gentleman will do when he digs through a filthy dumpster only to discover you’ve taken your recycling in yourself?  He’s not going to be very happy, we can tell you that much.  He may even leave a turd on the hood of your car.  Again.

Like it or not, unforeseen consequences attend every decision. While our newfound zeal for an orderly environment has unquestionably made the earth a more livable place for the majority, the homeless have seen a radical change to their time-honored way of life. Now, these plucky outdoorsmen must devote a greater share of their time not only to panhandling, but also to concocting a sufficiently heart-rending tale to accompany it.

Oooh, That's A Good One!

Things We Think About: The Hummer

03 Thursday Feb 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Sport, Stupidity

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

environmentalism, General Motors, GM, High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle, HMMWV, Hummer, Humvee, microdick poseurs, Mt. Kilimanjaro, oral sex, pencil-dicks, SUV parasites, SUVs, Tapout, Things we think about, tiny penis, US Military

By Smaktakula

Before You Say This Thing Is A Shameful Waste Of Resources, Ask Yourself: What If The Senior Prom Were Held Atop Mt. Kilimanjaro?

From 1992 until 2010, the Hummer was the most talked-about vehicle on the roads.  The massive SUV, General Motors’ civilian version of the US Military’s High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle, or Humvee, was an object of admiration to off-road enthusiasts and to environmentalists, a garish icon of American rapacity.  Although there remain a great many of these automotive behemoths on the road today, GM discontinued the line in 2010, and “Hummer” is quickly returning to its origins as a euphemism for oral sex.

This Oversized Child's Toy Reminds Us That You Can In Fact Have Too Much Money.

The Hummer has but two uses.  It is a powerful and durable all-terrain vehicle, the perfect utility for that small percentage of the population which finds itself in conditions so inhospitable that such a conveyance is necessary.  Or, it can serve as an artificial manhood for pitiable pencil dicks with good credit and a dearth of brains.*

IM HUMMN. Translation: "Ladies: Not Only Would I Like You To Believe I Am A Virile Sex-God, But Also That I'm Quite Witty."

Either way, a Hummer without a personalized plate screaming “Look At Me!” just isn’t a Hummer at all.

*Poorly-endowed halfwits without good credit often opt for TAPOUT accessories. ∞T.

Man, The Discovery Channel Really Pissed That Guy Off

02 Thursday Sep 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Corporate Culture, Crime, Critters, Culture, General Foolishness, Justice, National Events, North America, People, Relationships, Terrorism

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

assfaces who write manifestos, batshit crazy, crazy people, death by sniper, Discovery Channel, douchebaggery, environmentalism, James Lee, James Lee was batshit crazy, loveless loners, Old Yeller, Shark Week, Terrorism

By Smaktakula

Self-loathing nutjob James Lee stormed into the Discovery Channel offices Wednesday looking for justice.  Instead, the environmental radical bumbled his way into a delicious pile of irony.

Lee’s apparent purpose was to serve as a sort of homicidal spokesperson for nature.  The police obliged by shooting him down like a dog.

"Another Thing: Why Can't We Have 52 Weeks Of SHARK WEEK?" We Hear You, Brother.

Bonus: There’s one less nasty human messing up the planet.  Way to take one for the team, Jim!

From Hillbuzz: Tipper To Divorce ManBearPig

01 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Critters, Culture, Duh, General Foolishness, Mythology, National Events, National Politics, People, Politics, Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Al Gore, Al Gore sleeps alone, An Inconvenient Truth, bedroom cooling, climate change, divorce, Environmental Chicken Littleism, environmentalism, fat people, gasbag, global warming, good move Tipper!, has-been, Hillbuzz, I'm super-serial!, laughingstock, ManBearPig, mid-life crisis, Ragnarok, scaremongering, search for meaning, search for relevance, separation, South Park, sweat act, Tipper Gore, Tipper leaving Al, Vice President Gore

Another unintended consequence of Ragnarök.

Watch Out For Bedroom Cooling. I'm Super-Serial!

SHOCKER: Tipper to divorce ManBearPig � HillBuzz.

ESPN: Public Input Period For Federal Fishery Strategy Has Ended

11 Thursday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Critters, Culture, National Events, National Politics, Politics, Sports

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

conservation, Council on Environmental Equality, environmentalism, ESPN, ESPNOutdoors.com, Federal Fishery Strategy, fishing industry, Obama Administration, Robert Montgomery, sportfishing, Steve Bowman

It comes as something of a shock that an ESPN political piece arising from the world of sportfishing should arouse any controversy, let alone the amount it has.

Also notable is Executive Editor of ESPNOutdoors.com Steve Bowman’s pusillanimous missive reminding readers that this is an opinion piece.  Opinions–as people with ridiculously long titles already know, but you probably don’t–are subjective, and not stone-cold facts like those published in many of America’s fine newspapers.

Don’t Forget That’s It’s Just An Opinion When You Read: Public input period for federal fishery strategy has ended – ESPN.

Smaktakula

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