Disney recently announced its purchase of Togetherville, a social networking site aimed at children ages 6-10, a group heretofore excluded from the social phenomenon. Industry insiders contend that a demand for such services already exists, and reckon that the move will help to peel more pre-teens away from non-internet–and therefore useless–activities such as playing outside or spending time with family and friends.
For a generation completely stymied by the concept of pen pals, Togetherville will be first instance of remote social networking among young children. Proponents claim that an early introduction to such sites greatly increases a child’s ability to make superficial friendships, which in turn can help her develop life skills such as obsequiousness and insincerity, which will enable her not only to survive, but thrive on her quest toward middle-management. Likewise, early indications show that parents are pleased with Togetherville’s potential, which in studies has been shown to increase “shut up time” in children by a whopping 75%.
Disney’s announcement is expected to be warmly received by pervert activists, who have long been working to change societal impressions of pedophiles, particularly among children. The North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA) could not be reached for comment, as the majority of its membership is hard at work fabricating online personae.