The penis rankings are in, and the nations of the West have come up short. The United States’ result is particularly embarrassing. Although managing to avoid the lowest quadrant–populated by such sad-sack microdicks as China, India and Burma–the United States’ position is still a cause of insecurity. With Canada and Mexico both producing larger–and therefore presumably more satisfying–penises, the US will be forced to take some action to ease the pecker gap.
It is unclear whether the United States will attempt to address this inadequacy by trying to attract large penises from other parts of the globe or rather by stimulating the domestic production of more massive man-meat. Until this love-missile shortfall is addressed, the US will have a hard time showering in the world locker room with all the other countries around.