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Daily Archives: March 2, 2011

Charlie Sheen Surrenders Custody Of Kids

02 Wednesday Mar 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, News

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

bad parents, Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen is a drugged-out wifebeater, Charlie Sheen Will Never Escape The Brat Pack's Terrible Event Horizon, child endangerment, custody battle, inebriate, infants, serial impregnator, Twins, Won't somebody please think of the children?

By Smaktakula

Sheen Probably Spends Too Much Time Riding Bareback.

More bad news for cretinous serial impregnator and former television personality Charlie Sheen: Last night the authorities arrived at Sheen’s Beverly Hills residence to remove the actor’s twin sons from his custody.

At Least This Child Doesn't Appear To Be His Own.

Although very little is known at this time, the question on everybody’s lips is:

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  UNTIL YESTERDAY, CHARLIE SHEEN WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SAFETY OF TWO HUMAN INFANTS?  HOLY SHIT!”

"Whatever, Dude. I'll Just Make More."

Malcolm In The Middle Of A Domestic Dispute

02 Wednesday Mar 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Crime, News

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Agent Cody Banks, Corey Feldman, Edgar Jimenez Lugo, El Ponchis, Elycia Turnbow, Fel-Dog, former child stars, Frankie Muniz, Frankie Muniz Racing, Malcolm in the Middle, short people, Tötyl Hömö, You Hang Up

By Smaktakula

How Did He...? Wait--So You...? And You're Not, Like, Being Held Against Your Will Or Anything? No? Wow. So You're Not Blind? Not "Special" Or Taking Any Medication Which Might Impair Your Judgement? Really. You're POSITIVE You're Not Being Held Against Your Will? 'Cause, You've Taken A Real Good Look At Him, Right?

Frankie Muniz, best known for playing the titular characters in Malcolm in the Middle and Agent Cody Banks, is many things: actor, race car driver, rocker.  Sadly, it appears that “mentally stable person” is not among the Renaissance man’s retinue of roles.

Recently, the elfin entertainer had a spat with his girlfriend, Elycia Turnbow, over previous relationships.  Although more specific details are not available, it can be irresponsibly conjectured on the basis of no evidence whatsoever that the overachieving Muniz felt emasculated by Turnbow’s previous boyfriend, Edgar “El Ponchis” Lugo.

At one point in the altercation, a dejected Muniz held a loaded gun to his own head.  To the relief of the dozen or so people still holding out hope for Cody Banks 3: Octopuberty, he didn’t pull the trigger.

We Don't Judge A Man By His Hairline. Okay, We Do.

Bonus: We’ve included a live performance of Frankie’s band, You Hang Up.* However, it’s best that you first cleanse your mental palate with the following video of Corey Feldman making an ass of himself.   Compared to that, the boys’ little show on the City Walk looks like U2 at Red Rocks.

* Tötyl Hömö was already taken. ∞T.

 

The Fel-Dog Makes Time Crawl:
Frankie Goes To Universal City:

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