America's Funniest Home Videos, As the World Turns, Baguette wasn't our first choice, Benny Hill, Bob Saget, India, Jeopardy!, Louie Anderson, morons, mouth-breathing halfwits, soap operas, television, the vast wasteland, TV makes you stupid, Two and a Half Men
It’s no secret that television gets a bad rap. Labelled ‘A Vast Wasteland’ within years of its invention, TV hasn’t been given much of a chance. And much like a person awoken from sleep by a phone call, people will go to ridiculous lengths to refuse to admit that they watch TV.
Most of these people are lying. The ever-expanding menu of specialized channels, internet-to-television streaming along with piles upon piles of data suggest that people are watching the small screen more than ever. As counterintuitive as it might seem, the device often referred to as the “idiot box” may actually be helping to improve lives around the globe.
A tremendous variety of educational programming is available for viewers, plus scads of infotainment shows on cooking, wildlife, home decor, ghostbusting and the like. Thanks to shows like Sesame Street, television helps to prepare youngsters for school. Perhaps most surprising are studies from India which show a correlation between the availability of cable television and an increase in the living standard of women.
So if TV isn’t the mindless entertainment we’ve always believed it to be, what does this mean for the world’s slackjawed halfwits, who see the demise of Two and a half Men as the end of an era, drowning their fears with a glut of Benny Hill reruns? Have no fear, television has not forgotten its sub-moronic roots: for the discriminating lackwit, there are a plethora of shitty shows like Deal or No Deal and the odious America’s Funniest Home Videos.
Let’s take a moment to thank these uncreative men and women who bring us intellectually challenged programing. With everyone pandering to America’s elite, it’s nice to see someone’s still looking out for the drooling moron who can’t get off the couch.