02 Wednesday May 2012
Tags
al Qaeda, death by Navy Seal, Ding Dong the Dick is Dead!, Osama bin Laden, Pakistan, pr0n, this day in history
On which reclusive dick and all-around nastyman Osama bin Laden is shot down like a filthy animal among his voluminous porn collection.
The Thought Of His Cringing Demise Among Heaping Stacks Of Fluid-Spattered Porn Keeps Us Warm At Night.
Below are a few of Promethean Times‘ original stories about this happy event:
19 Monday Dec 2011
Tags
'Lil 'Lil Kim, 'Lil Kim, California, comical despots, Compton, Ding Dong the Dick is Dead!, Kim Jong-il, Kim Jong-un, liquor stores, Muammar al-Gaddafi, North Korea, Saddam Hussein, So Ronery, South Korea, Witness Relocation Program
"Hey! This Not A Rending Ribrary! You Buy Or You Get The Herr Out!"
Kim Jong-il, the once-feared despot of blighted hellhole North Korea, is said to be transitioning easily into his new life as a Compton, California liquor store owner. Although the blue-collar life might seem like a comedown from the palatial existence previously enjoyed by the tiny madman, ‘Lil Kim claims to be very happy.
Kim's Youngest Son Is Sorry To See The Old Man Go.
“Rife is so much easier now. I got none of the probrems of running rearry big and important country,” says the diminutive ex-despot, referring to the asswipe country he inherited from his own father and ran further into the ground. He has high hopes for the prospects of his youngest son, Kim Jong-un, who has taken over the reins of state in his stead. “My boy, ‘Ril ‘Ril Kim, gonna fuck South Korea up good!”
'Lil Kim Has Been Welcomed To The Neighborhood By Such Businessmen As Terry Davis, Owner Of Sandbox Liquor.
Although ‘Lil Kim isn’t at liberty to discuss the matter, it is believed he is joined in his exile by several other former world leaders. “Yeah, I see some famiriar faces–let’s put it that way. At reast I’m not . . . so ronery any more.”
"You Better Not Be Selling Any Goddamn Falafels! I Make The Mother Of All Falafels!"
04 Wednesday May 2011
Tags
bin Laden's wife, cock-knockers, defense, Ding Dong the Dick is Dead!, dupes, Hands Across America, human shields, Osama bin Laden, Saguaro, social outrage, stupidity on display
It likely comes as a shock to no one that about-to-be-snuffed cock-knocker Osama bin Laden attempted to use one of his myriad wives as a human shield during his desperate final hours.
Rest Easy, Noble Saguaro. The Evil Ones Will Never Touch You.
Before we judge him too harshly, however, we must consider the stark scientific realities of defensive technology. For all of humanity’s advances in creating durable, synthetic compounds, we have yet to develop any substance whose defensive capabilities equal the protective power of social outrage. Human shields are still the best kind.
02 Monday May 2011
Tags
9/11, bin Laden dead, dicks, Ding Dong the Dick is Dead!, famous martyrs, Glee, Islam, Osama bin Laden, stupid shit little girls like, The Great Satan, United States of America
REVEALED! The fatal missteps which led first to the betrayal and then slaying by US forces of 9/11 mastermind and all-around-dick Osama bin Laden.
"Ibrahim, Buddy--It's Totally Awesome Of You To Let Me Crash Here, Man. A Cave Gets Old Really Quick."
"It's Cool, Osama--Mi Casa Es Tu Casa!"
"You Are Too Kind, My Friend. I Know This Has Been A Hardship For You. I've Made A Pretty Big Mess With All My Stuff, Plus, The Great Satan Would Pay A King's Ransom To Know Where I Am Staying Tonight."
"Let The Americans Spend Their Riches In Hell. I Do Not Want Their Filthy Blood Money. I Would Not Betray You For All The Riches In The World."
"I Know This, My Friend. You've Done More For Me Than I Can Repay. Speaking Of Which, Did You Want Me To Throw You A Couple Bucks For All The Food I Ate?"
"No Need, My Friend, No Need! It's Nice Just To Have You Here. By The Way, Did You See A VHS Cassette Lying Around? I've Missed The Last Two Episodes Of My Favorite Show, And Want To Watch It Tonight."
Thanks For Being Cool About The Food, Man--I'm Pretty Broke Anyway. And Did The VHS Cassette Say 'GLEE' On It? 'Cause I'm Pretty Sure I Taped Over It To Make A Message To The Crusaders. Sorry, Bro--My Bad. Still, We All Do What We Can For The Struggle, Right?"
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