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Tag Archives: Idaho

Headlines: Achtung, Maybe!

10 Wednesday Apr 2013

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, Entertainment, Headlines, History, Politics

≈ 26 Comments

Tags

ADHD, anti-semitism, Aryans, bad parents, blond is beautiful motherfuckers!, cannabis, death by cop, death by gun, dope, Erin Moran, FDR, grass, great white shark, Happy Days, headlines, hemp, Idaho, illiteracy, indolence, Jews, marijuana, North Korea, Obamacare, Panda Express, police brutality, reefer, Reichstag Fire, Roger Ebert, safe sex, South Korea, South Korea > North Korea, sweet sweet cheeba, Teen Mom, weed, Why am I so fat?

By Smaktakula

This One Practically Writes Itself, Which Is Good, Because Mocking This Wretch Would Be Like Stealing Lunch Money From A Down Syndrome Kid.

In which we champion the twin virtues of indolence and illiteracy by commenting on the day’s headlines without knowing a thing about them.

***

Help! I Caught My Landlord in a Compromising Position With His Dog. ~ And now I live rent-free.

Shooting victim left infant alone while she went to bar ~She felt that a bar was too dangerous an environment for her child, a wise decision in light of subsequent events. That’s called good parenting.

How not to say the wrong thing ~ By keeping your fucking mouth shut. Seriously, it works nearly 100% of the time.

Lost World War II Bomber Crew Found After 69 Years ~ Oh man, they are PISSED!

Target dress apology: ‘Manatee gray’ plus-size dress vanishes ~ Target has renamed the offensive style ‘Koala Gray,’ and will soon be stocking it alongside existing styles School-Bus Yellow, Behemoth Blue, the Limited Edition Black-on-White Lady Shamu™, and the best-selling Chok’lit Jabba.

Why Roger Ebert Was The Greatest Movie Reviewer ~ That’s the working title for Connie Rubin’s new erotic memoir!

“That’s…NGH!…That’s One! Give Me More, Roger! Give…NGGGH!…Yes! Yes, That’s It! Two! Two Thumbs Up!”

Police look at nude maids ~ Well, ‘looking at’ is what they’re for, right? For housework, though, you’ll want to get yourself a fully clothed maid.

Idaho teacher who used word ‘vagina’ during biology lesson faces reprimand ~ If’n you want to talk about Vagina or even West Vagina in your geographology class, well that’s one thing. But biology class is for talkin’ about cooters and wangs.

Officials: 9-year-old mother is at least 12 ~ Why, that lying little whore!

Overeating in children may be linked to drug use ~ Specifically, drugs used to treat diabetes, hypertension and acne.

Woman who swims with Great White sharks ~ Will soon become their chum.

What FDR said about Jews in private ~ Like most everybody else, he thought they were lazy, physically-imposing brutes with no financial sense whatsoever.

Because Being A Really Lousy Bigot Is Just Like Not Being A Bigot At All.

‘Teen Mom’ Star Expecting Another Baby & It’s Not Especially Good News ~ Oh, really? Why do you say that?

Sheriff’s Office: Man died after being pulled over ~ “I mean before! He died before he was pulled over. No wait–it was after, but…well, what the hell are we all doing sitting around flapping our jaws? A man’s been beaten to death and dumped in the back seat of a police cruiser–we need to be out there looking for the killers!”

Can Bad Parenting Cause ADHD ~ Well, bad parenting can produce lazy, inattentive children, so yes.

Report: ‘Happy Days’ star Erin Moran drinking in motel parking lots, offering back rubs ~ This week she’ll be at the Exit 10 Econo-Lodge on Old 99. If you want a little something special, ask for the “Chachi.”

5 Worst Mistakes Women Make in Bed ~ You know, like 80% of the time, the worst mistake is getting into bed in the first place.

The Aryans Are Coming ~ We’ve been here for a while now, bro. We’re just lying low and biding our time until another Reichstag Fire comes along.

SOON!

Why People Create Fake Relationships ~ So their pathetic, joyless lives appear slightly less pathetic and joyless. We thought that was obvious.

Safe sex does NOT diminish pleasure… ~ These words could only have been written by a woman or a lying man.

Watch your tongue, North Korea warns South’s new leader ~ “Or we’ll eat it! Seriously, we’re dealing with one heck of a food shortage right now, guys.”

A Labor Union Hopes Medical Marijuana Will Cure Its Ills ~ We bet it will. Weed fixes just about everything.

How Panda Express brings Chinese food to the mall ~ Inauthentically!

Should Obamacare Be Repealed? Vote in Urgent National Poll ~ If we can get enough people to vote, we can repeal Obamacare! Yes–that’s what we’d be saying if the United States were more like American Idol, and just any uninformed wingnut with a hair up his ass could vote directly on pending legislation. In fact, the United States is a republic, which means you may need to look up the term fait accompli right after you vote in this urgent national poll.

Never Forget That You’re An Integral Part Of The Political Process.

Parents Discover Daughter’s Death on Facebook ~ So you guys were pretty close, huh?

This Isn’t Candid Camera, It’s a Science Project ~ “So take your clothes off. No, really–it’s for science. And yes, me touching myself is all part of the experiment.”

Report: Man spent $1K on strippers, said he was robbed ~ There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation: he thought they were prostitutes.

Jason Gay: 23 Rules of the Office Holiday Party ~ Rule #1: Change that name, Jason.

Texas DA found dead 2 months after assistant slain ~ So we guess we can cross the assistant off the suspect list.

3 ways for Cardinal Dolan to show his ‘love’ for gay people ~ Sure–a few three-ways would send a bold message for gay tolerance, but is that sort of behavior in keeping with Catholic doctrine?

If Your Intention Was To Make Me Think Inappropriate Thoughts About The Former Pope, Then Mission Accomplished!

Idahopeless

03 Tuesday Jul 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, Stupidity

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

cannabis, dope, drugs, Idaho, Idahoans, jail, mugshots, places that suck, pot, stoners, sweet sweet cheeba, Why am I so stupid?, you got a real purty mouth

By Smaktakula

Potatoes, Perverts & Polygamists. That’s Pretty Much It.

Some time ago,  komonews.com ran a pictorial featuring the mugshots of smiling Idahoans. Promethean Times is pleased to present the best of this cavalcade of mongoloids, in some cases with a little of the backstory.

This Is What Results When A Man Takes A Doberman Pincer As His Bride.

Damn! A Medium-Sized Child Could Squeeze Through That Thing.

Returns To Normal If Properly Hydrated.

No Stranger To Prison, This Guy Already Has A Swastika Tattooed On His Ass.

“HUURRRRR!”

“There Are Those Who Say It Is Impossible To Eat A QP Of Medical Grade Weed In The Time It Takes A State Trooper To Approach Your Car, But I Am Living Proof That It Can Be Done.”

“Man, I Was Just A Passenger In The Car. So Why Am I Being Charged With Possession With Intent To Deal? Oh, Right. Fuck Idaho!”

No Need To Pity Her. This Is What Passes For Sexy In Idaho.

Regardless Of What She Did, This One Needs To Be Locked Away For A Long Time. Just Look At Her–She’s Got Crazy-Eyes!

With Some Folks, Everything About Them Screams “CHILD MOLESTER.”

Where Have We Seen That Before?

When The Bieber Madness Makes It To The Backwoods, Is There Any Hope For America?

“It Puts The Lotion On Its Skin, Or Else It Gets The Hose Again.”

Sometimes Celebrities Get Busted:

Norville “Shaggy” Rogers, Stoner Detective.

Methamphetamine Has Not Treated Miss Piggy Kindly.

Chris Farley: Not Dead After All. Prefers To Be Called Christine.

***

Luckily For You, Horses Are Not Considered Culpable For Crimes In Idaho. Now Trot On Home, Little Filly.

Historical Figures With Unfortunate Nicknames: Beaver Dick

22 Friday Oct 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, History

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

Beaver Dick, Great Britain, historical signposts, humiliating nicknames, Idaho, Jim Bridger, mountain men, obscure historical figures, Richard Leigh, suggestive nicknames, Tardsie, Tardsie The Backpack, unfortunate nicknames

By Smaktakula

Of the British-born Richard Leigh, who would rise to relative obscurity as the mountain man Beaver Dick, little is known or cared.

Unsurprisingly, When You Type "Beaver" And "Dick" Into A Search Engine, This Is One Of The Few Non-Pornographic Results.

Said to trail in fame only Jim Bridger and a handful of other mountain men no living man can name, Leigh’s humiliating nickname lives on through historical signposts.

Promethean Times' Ombudsman Tardsie The Backpack Traveled A Long Way To Find Beaver Dick.

Fan of shitty nicknames?  You’ll find more here:

  • La Barbie
  • ‘Black Dick’ Howe
  • General Butt-Naked
  • Fugeeman
  • ‘Lil ‘Lil Kim

Jackpot, My Ass

27 Tuesday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Culture, Stupidity

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

backwater shithole, BFE, Botswana, hellhole, Idaho, internet, Jackpot, jerkwater burg, Nevada, places that suck, the sticks, white trash, wide spot in the road

Smaktakula manages to find the only hotel in North America without wireless internet.

If Smaktakula wanted to live in Botswana he would fucking move to Botswana.

You’ve made the list, Jackpot, Nevada.

41.984990 -114.673965

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