Tag Archives: Liberace

The Myriad Faces Of Gay

30 Thursday Jun 2011

Posted by in Celebrity, Culture

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By Smaktakula

Like so much of the English language, ‘Gay’ has a variety of connotations.  Here are the three most common definitions, told with pictures rather than words.

1) Oldest Definition.

Generally considered archaic.

Ex: The joys of the Christmas season left everyone feeling quite gay.

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2) Contemporary definition.

Not just happy–Fabulous.

Ex: Evan’s not very good at sports because he’s gay.*

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   3) Pejorative Definition.

Most recent variant, circa 1980s.

Ex: He’s got a tattoo of a Camaro on his back, and it’s super-fucking gay.

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Some rare and wondrous creatures manage to embody all three definitions simultaneously:

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Richard Simmons: 1) Gay, 2) Gay, 3) Really Fucking Gay.

*A note to potentially offended readers: It should be obvious that any implication that gay people make poor athletes is intended for humorous purposes, and does not reflect the actual opinions of Promethean Times.  In fact there have been many outstanding homosexual athletes, including Billie Jean King, Greg Louganis and any male figure skater who ever lived.
We regret any offense we may have caused to gay athletes.  The real reason Evan isn’t any good at sports is because he’s Jewish. ∞T.

Falwell Was Right About The Teletubbies

05 Thursday May 2011

Posted by in Celebrity, Culture, History, Stupidity

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By Smaktakula

Jerry Has Moved On. He Now Wants To Know Why Dora The Explorer Doesn't Like Boys.

Years ago the Reverend Jerry Falwell became a laughingstock when he declared that children’s television characters, the Teletubbies, were gay.  Although the insipidly adorable British monstrosities, Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po have been turning children’s brains to mush for almost fifteen years, there is no evidence to suggest that exposure to the Teletubbies has any effect on a child’s future sexuality.

teletubbies names

Not Even Remotely Homosexual, But Still Gayer Than Liberace Draped In A Rainbow Flag And Eating An Ice Cream Cone While Riding A Sequin-Studded Unicorn.

Through the gulf of years, however, it becomes plain that the buffoonish Bible-thumper wasn’t altogether wrong.  At the heart of the issue is the word ‘gay’ with its myriad connotations.

Secretly Knows He Will Never Reach The Swishy Benchmark Set By Tinky Winky.

It is ludicrous to think that four sexless, half-witted mutant hamsters could be homosexual (or any kind of sexual).  Despite this, it is apparent to even the most casual observer that the Teletubbies are in fact massively gay.

Fred From Scooby Doo: Gay In EVERY Sense Of The Word.