Yesterday in Florida, the interminable cold war between Terrestrial and Aquatic mammals turned hot once again. The Aquatics’ attack was unexpected and savage. When it was through, a veteran animal handler was dead. Early reports indicate that the assassin was Tilikum, an orca. Terrestrial representatives claim that Tilikum is a high-ranking member of the elite SHAMU (Secret Herald of the Aquatic Mammal Underground) Brigade, sent to bring a bloody message to the bipeds.
Tilikum has a checkered history, and at least one run-in with the law. Although the claims have yet to be substantiated, the Terrestrials maintain that the rogue orca spent parts of 2007 and 2008 at an Al-Qaeda training facility in Sudan.