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Tag Archives: Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does.

Headlines 05.24.12

24 Thursday May 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Music, News, Politics, Religion, Stupidity

≈ 23 Comments

Tags

Arkansas, Barack Obama, death by cancer, Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does., Fiona Apple, gay marriage, headlines, Mitt Romney, muslims, Opera, Rick Santorum, Robin Gibb, Rocky the Flying Squirrel, Secret Service, Why am I so lonely?, Won't Ask Don't Care

By Smaktakula

…And Makes A Friend For Life.

In which we comment on topical events after having only bothered to read the headlines, which at least makes us better-informed than the average American.

***

Fiona Apple’s new album title is 23 words long ~ We’ll have to take your word for it. We kinda zoned out after the word “Fiona.”

Obama challenged in Arkansas primary ~ The Arkansas primary also features a challenger to the law of gravity.

Latest Met Aria: Bad Opera News Is No News ~ Good opera news is similarly worthless.

Bear attacks man in outhouse ~ Relying on conventional wisdom, the man foolishly thought he would be safe from bear attacks while in the outhouse. Folks, hopefully you won’t have to learn the hard way that regardless of what you’ve been told, bears don’t always shit in the woods. Likewise, while it’s true that a frog’s ass is indeed water-tight, it should be noted that, excepting those individuals suffering from certain embarrassing conditions, so is yours.

Rick Santorum feels like Rocky Balboa ~ And yet he looks more like Rocky the Flying Squirrel.  Glad you’re gone, Rick. Stay gone.

“Marriage Is A Pact Ordained By God Almighty Between A Moose And His Squirrel.”

Robin Gibb, member of the Bee Gees, dies after battle with cancer ~ Hey, you know that song Staying Alive?…what? Oh, whatever–you people are so sensitive. Too bad he didn’t write a song called Too Soon.

Penn Judge: Muslims Allowed to Attack People for Insulting Mohammad ~ Because killing folks with whom they disagree is a central tenet of the faith, and you’re just going to have to learn to respect that.

Romney takes big lead in Arkansas, Kentucky primaries ~ The dimwitted hillbillies were delighted to be a part of the democratic process, not knowing what ‘fait accompli‘ means.

Welcome to the mortgage-free housing recovery ~ ‘Cause there ain’t no fixed-rate APR on a cardboard box.

He’s Living The Dream.

Woman fighting foreclosure arrested ~ Damn right. Every time we throw a punch at that smart-mouthed lady from the dry-cleaners, we spend a night in jail. It’s only fair other people should be punished for fighting, too.

Pit bull saves owner from oncoming train ~ And then devours him.

Jewish leaders expressed outrage ~WHAAAAAA?!? Normally they’re so passive about insults real & imagined.

Dating site: No ugly people ~ Sometimes–like chocolate and peanut butter–you wonder just what the hell took them so long to think of this.

In Your Heart Of Hearts You Know That Love Was Never Intended For One Such As You.

Man drowns after swan attack ~ Sad. When this happens, it means not only is Mother Nature out to get you, but that she has no respect for you whatsoever.

Kids with cancer: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” ~ Nobody’s had the heart to break the bad news: cancer kills.

Coroner: UK spy found in sports bag likely killed ~ So you read that the body of a secret agent has been found crammed inside a piece of sporting equipment and you immediately make the leap to foul play?

What I want Obama to say about gay marriage ~ The same thing we want him to say about straight marriage: nothing.

Sometimes We Wish You Guys Would Just Fuck And Get It Over With.

Would-be suicide bomber was U.S. informant ~ “If I had to do it again, I probably wouldn’t inform the US about my would-be suicide bombing attempt. In retrospect, that just seemed to defeat the whole purpose.”

Romney: American kids get ‘third-world education’ ~ Well, sure–because Romney could afford to send his children to private school. But don’t the rest of us have a right to expect a third-world education for our children as well?

What time do women want it? ~ The hour varies, but they call it ‘Smaktakula Time.’

Boy wonder comes of age on Wall Street ~ More specifically, in an anonymous bathroom stall of a Wall Street Dunkin’ Donuts.

Secret Service agents were ‘brutes,’ prostitute says ~ Folks–consider this one very seriously for a moment. Would you feel any more secure believing that the men in whose hands the President entrusts his very life were tender lovers?

“Fast? Baby, I Just Got That Out Of The Way So That I Could Take Care Of YOU. Now Let Me Show You A Little Something They Call ‘The French Z.’ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ”

Headlines 03.06.12

06 Tuesday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Cinema, Culture, Entertainment, Music, News, Politics, Stupidity

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

1906 San Francisco Earthquake, boobs, breastuses, Celebrity Death Watch, date rape, Dave Mustaine, death by old age, divorce, Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does., Drew Barrymore, drugs, dyslexia, Eddie Murphy, fat people, France, has-beens, headlines, heroin, hos, Lady Gaga, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, little people, LSD, Lybia, lycergic acid diethylamide. LSD not LDS which is something very different, Megadeth, moobs, poor judgement, pop biology, prostitution, Rick Santorum, Shakira, short people, skanks, Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French, Smaktakula's distrust of short people, stalkers, Star Trek, sweet lady meg, the French, Trekkies, trippin' balls, TSA, Where Are They Now?, Why am I so fat?, Why am I so lonely?, Why am I so stupid?, women of easy virtue

By Smaktakula

Oh, Man! If We Had A Dime For Every Time This Has Happened.

In which we opine upon the headlines of the day without first reading the articles.

***

Megadeth’s Dave Mustaine backs Rick Santorum ~ See Kids? A bacchanalian life of drug-fueled debauchery is not without its consequences. Although the pernicious effects of addiction upon the family structure are well-documented and widely known, critical-thinking skills and good judgement are additional casualties.

The Upside of Dyslexia ~ There is no dog-bamn u9sibe!

‘Star Trek’ Divorce: Fan Forced To Leave Spaceship Digs ~ He should take some consolation in the fact that as someone who has, however briefly, known the carnal delights of female affection, he’s relatively unique among Trekkies.

Don’t worry, Eddie Murphy lives ~ We weren’t worried. Were you?

Libyan militia accused of torturing to death ambassador to France ~ The ambassador repeatedly cried out “Mercy,” which as you know means ‘thank you’ in French, so in a way he was asking for it.

When It Comes To Holding A Grudge, Smaktakula Does Not Fuck Around.

Story: Woman stalked for 17 years: ‘I don’t think it’s over’ ~ Really? After nearly two decades, you don’t think he’s ready to move on?

Miracle baby born from a single sperm ~ Although we were inattentive (at best) in biology class, our understanding is that barring a multiple birth, the formula is 1 sperm +1 egg = 1 very expensive, back-talking pet.

Rising NBA star sleeps on sofa ~ That’s where a lot of former NBA stars sleep as well.

OUTRAGE: TEEN PERP INVOLVED IN NEAR-FATAL SHOPPING CART PUSH MAY WALK ~ Would you people rather have him go through life a cripple? Not Promethean Times. We believe in you, Teen Perp!

So Very Brave.

“Help! I hate my husband.” ~ It sounds like you’re doing just fine, and don’t need our help despising your spouse.

One-Night Stand or Rape? ~ If you can’t satisfactorily answer that question on your own, maybe you shouldn’t drink so much.

Shakira saved from sea lion ~ How many times do we have to tell you?–Nature does not have your best interests at heart.

Gaga’s scent smells like expensive hookers ~ We prefer the delightful bouquet of burned crack infused with fear-sweat and just a hint of urine that distinguishes so many of today’s down-market hos.

Her Designer Fragrance Is Called ‘As Dead I Well May Be.’

Evidence: Hitler had love child ~ ‘Love’ child doesn’t really work in the same sentence as ‘Hitler.’ We know it’s not particularly politically correct, but if there’s ever a time to bring back ‘bastard,’ this is it.

Really? The Claim: Excess Weight Raises the Risk of Acne ~ Because it’s that zit on your nose that’s keeping you home on Saturday nights, man-tits.

Style icon dies at fashion show ~ How gauche!

Police: Mom gave kids heroin ~ Kids today don’t know how nice they have it. We considered ourselves lucky if Mom gave us a nutmeg & codeine-syrup cocktail and told us to ‘Fuck off for a few hours,’ so she and Uncle Whatshisname could have some privacy.

O’Donnell & Handler offend little people ~ Yeah, but who cares what the little people think?

Making People Short Is God’s Way Of Letting Us Know They Don’t Matter.

San Fran earthquake survivor dies at 109 ~ When you take into account that the Great Quake was in 1906, it’s tragic how long that guy suffered.

Is Drew Barrymore Expecting? ~ Expecting what? We figure if that chick were fertile, she’d have been knocked up years ago.

TSA agent turns mother’s boobs into tourist attraction ~ We visited. Truly a land of milk & honey.

Ohio victim’s brother: ‘Lost my best friend’ ~ And his brother got killed–talk about a shitty day!

Cocktail of Popular Drugs May Cloud Brain ~ Wait–intoxication is a possible side-effect of consuming drugs? The devil you say!

I Was Only Dropping Acid To Restore My Ph Balance, And Had No Clue That I’d Be Trippin’ Balls. I’m A Gazebo, By The Way.

***

More Current Events Irresponsibility:

  • Promethean Times Responds To The Headlines
  • Headlines II
  • Headlines III
  • Headlines IV
  • Headlines V
  • Headlines VI
  • Headlines VII
  • Headlines VIII
  • Headlines IX
  • Headlines X
  • Headlines XI
  • Headlines XII
  • Headlines XIII

Promethea Culpa Culpa: More Retractions

16 Thursday Feb 2012

Posted by tardsie in Celebrity, Culture, News, Stupidity

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

abortion, death by fire, Dewey defeats Truman, Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does., even Jesus thinks Fred Phelps sucks, flame retardant, Fred Phelps, gay marriage, God Hates Fags, inflammable, leprosy, Mickey Rooney, mistakes, outright lies, retractions, syphilis, we goofed!

By Tardsie

Occasionally, You May Read Something In These Pages That Just Isn't True.

Readers of Promethean Times know how very seriously we take our journalistic responsibility to keep the public informed. Throughout its nearly two-hundred years of publication, Promethean Times has striven to justify our readership’s trust by providing only the most accurate and thoroughly-vetted information. Although we have been exceptionally successful in this endeavor, we do from time to time make mistakes. It is vital to our mission that, when on those infrequent occasions when we do make mistakes, we correct them quickly.

***

See? It's Not Just Us.

Mickey Rooney does not have late-stage syphilis. A representative of the nonagenarian actor and insurance pitchman told Promethean Times that Rooney was healthy and that his nose has not ‘rotted away to a blackened stump’ as previously reported.

***

We extend a heartfelt and abject apology not only to the wife and infant daughter of Scoutmaster Daniel “Flip” Plevins and the parents of Billy Wilkins, Shane Green and Cody McPhereson, but to all of Cub Scout Pack 492 and to the intrepid park rangers who were first upon the grisly scene. Further, we apologize to any readers unknown to us who may have suffered injury after relying on erroneous information provided by this publication. We regret our error. As it turns out, grizzly bears are not, in fact, ‘more scared of you than you are of them.’

On The Plus Side, You've Gotten Your Nature Badge Out Of The Way.

The sound you hear when a spoon falls in the garbage disposal is NOT the wailing spirit of the child you aborted the summer after your sophomore year in college. In retrospect, saying so seems unnecessarily cruel.

"Why, Mommy? Why?"

Contrary to what was printed on this site, sprinkling your breakfast cereal with the finely ground toes of Irish babies will not cure leprosy.

***

We reported that a kitten frozen in a block of ice for a period of up to three months will revive if properly thawed. While this advice has proven to be cruelly incorrect, we submit that it was still a really cool notion.

But Don't Simply Take Our Word For It.

We were sorely off the mark when we told parents that flame-retardant toys would impair their children’s cognitive abilities. This is not the case. However, in our ongoing commitment to child safety, we urge parents to make sure that each of their children’s toys is clearly marked “INFLAMMABLE.’

***

Legalizing gay marriage will apparently not cause the universe to collapse in upon itself. Sorry, we thought it would.

If You Can Guarantee That You Won't Be There, We'll Take It.

Some previous retractions:

Promethea Culpa

74 Years Ago In Promethean Times: Sorry About Your Blimp, Hans

Trees: The Silent Killer

22 Tuesday Nov 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, News, Stupidity

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Cambodia, Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does., killer trees, killing fields, Kompong Cham High School, mother nature, photosynthesis, trees

By Smaktakula

It Happens Just Like This.

Several news organizations, most notably Promethean Times, have long been skeptical of nature’s ostensibly beneficent disposition toward humanity.  The popular fiction of nature is that of a homeostatic system, designed to encourage and perpetuate terrestrial life.  As we have long suspected, events in Cambodia are proving the converse: Mother Nature is out to get you.

She Hates You So Much. You Have No Idea.

The trouble began when a group of 136 students at Kompong Cham High School abruptly lost consciousness.  Initial reports identified the mass fainting spell as the result of the students being forced to stand at attention by an overzealous school master for failing to properly salute the nation’s flag.  This analysis was revealed to be dangerously naive .

It's Kind Of A Goofy Flag In The First Place.

As it turns out, the real culprit was the abundance of huge trees surrounding the school.  Historically, the earth’s flora have absorbed carbon dioxide for millennia untold, all the while releasing life-giving oxygen into the atmosphere.  The natural order has changed, however, claims Heng Meng, police chief of the Chamkar Leu district and apparently the country’s leading environmental scientist, who says that the massive trees have now decided to hoard oxygen, resulting in the mass fainting.

But Not Always, Apparently.

In any other country, these life-stealing trees would undoubtedly be allowed to continue victimizing the young while politicians grandstanded for the television cameras and argued among themselves.  But Cambodia is a country historically predisposed to quick and furious action.  If the past is any indication, those plucky Cambodians will soon uproot the trees in the middle of the night and round them up in a central location, perhaps a sports stadium or municipal park, at which point the trees will be shot in the back and dumped in mass graves.

Considering What Cambodians Have Been Willing To Do To Their Own People, We'd Say Those Trees Are Fucked.

The Bull Doesn’t Always Lose

21 Wednesday Jul 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Critters, Culture, Games, General Foolishness, Justice, National Events, Sports

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

aquatic mammals, birds, Blame Canada!, bovine-on-human violence, bovines, British Columbia, bull riding death, Canada, Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does., Emil Haagerdäddi, goring, Holy Cow!, idiots, India, kill-crazy beast, Makwala Derrickson Hall, matadors, NO BULL, rodeo, running of the bulls, sharks, two last names

By Smaktakula

Although much has been made of the danger posed by birds, sharks and aquatic mammals, humans have long been tolerant, and even affectionate toward bovines.  Regarded as likable, if stupid creatures throughout the world, and revered in places like India, the bovine family is accorded a respect second only to that given to canines.

Never Trust A Smiling Bull.

A recent incident in British Columbia may put bovines’ most-favored-species status in jeopardy.  Last week an eighteen-year-old bull rider, Makwala Derrickson Hall, was struck in the side by a bull during an event.  Derrickson Hall died before medical help reached him.

There are many theories that seek to explain why the bull went rogue.  An early theory, quickly discarded, imagined the incident as an unfortunate accident, adding that when dealing with wild animals, occasionally something terrible will happen.

Most experts consider this explanation childishly simple at best, and at its worst, dangerously naive.  Professor Emil Haagerdäddi, chairman of South-Central Montana Community College’s Department of Rodeo Studies, believes that the bull didn’t recognize the rider as a professional.  Says Haagerdäddi:

“Derrickson Hall had two disadvantages going into this contest, neither of which was his fault.  The first, obviously, was his Canadian citizenship.  I don’t know how many times I’ll have to say this: Canadians have no place in rodeo.”

When asked how Canadians will react to his statement, the professor sighs, “Oh, there’ll be a burning maple leaf on my lawn tonight.  It won’t be the first time.”

“Derrickson Hall’s second and more pronounced disadvantage,” the professor continues, “Is his unusual last name.  He’s got one too many.  In rodeo having two first names is so common place as to be de rigueur.  I can’t tell you how many Jesse Lees and Billy Joes have strapped on the spurs, but not too many Derrickson Halls.  And Makwala?  Well, you just can’t expect the bull to respect that, now can you?”

There are a great many others, however, who feel that this is more than one rogue bull trying to make his bones.  One organization which believes this way is NO BULL, a pro-humanist charity.  NO BULL’s spokesperson pointed to the alarming rise in goring, both among matadors in the bullring as well as idiots who participate in Spain’s famed running of the bulls.  “We feel that these recent events are not accidental, and that they are being directed by an unseen hoof.”

This Kill-Crazy Beast Ate Its Way Through Three Riders And Nine Rodeo Clowns Before It Was Finally Brought Down.

It’s too early to tell if bovine-on-human violence is a growing trend or merely a series of unfortunate coincidences.  Until we know for sure, it’s all eyes on the cows.

Homeland Security Chooses To Ignore Growing Threat Of Winged Terror

30 Wednesday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Critters, General Foolishness, Humor, International Relations, Relationships, Satire, Terrorism, World Affairs

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Airbus, Alfred Hitchcock, badassery, Birds of a Feather, Blame Canada!, Bush Doctrine, Canada, Canadian geese, Chesley Sullenberger, competence, Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does., four legs good, geese, hero pilot, heroism, La Guardia, New York, North Carolina, pro-avian agenda, suicide attack, Sully, Sully Sullenberger, Terrorism, The Birds, two legs bad, US Airways Flight 1549

By Smaktakula
Note:  This is the third installment in our ongoing environmental series, Does Nature Want You Dead?  Yes It Does. The previous installments are SHAMU Sleeper Agent Wreaks Havoc At Florida Amusement Park and Super-Intelligent Stalker Sharks Plotting Bloody ‘Dorsal Dawn.’

At 3:27 PM on January 15th, 2009 a catastrophe was averted by inches.  Shortly after US Airways Flight 1549 took off from La Guardia International in New York en route to North Carolina’s Charlotte/Douglas,  several geese managed to bring down the Airbus A320 by flying simultaneously into both of the aircraft’s engines.

Levelheadedness and expertise were the only things standing between Flight 1549 and a cataclysmic, horrorshow ending in the steel canyons of New York City.  Capt. Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, aided by his ice-nerved co-pilot and well-trained crew, was able to wrestle the dying plane into the Hudson River.  Miraculously, all 155 humans on board Flight 1549 survived.

Chesley Sullenberger: His Fierce Badassery Helps Mitigate The Handicap Of Such A Gay Name.

It is fitting and proper that the focus of this incident remain on the lives saved in the face of such impossible odds.  However, that does not excuse turning a blind eye to the fact that several geese–for reasons yet unknown–took out a massive passenger plane with an intricately planned and precisely executed suicide attack that very nearly cost 155 innocent people their lives.  Yet no one is asking, “Why did this happen?”

The exact number of geese involved in taking down Flight 1549 has never been determined.  All the geese who participated in the attack are believed to have perished.  However, witnesses reported seeing a flock fleeing the scene in the seconds after the attack.  To date, not one of these geese has been apprehended.

There have been some troubling indications that a foreign power may be involved.  Almost all witnesses reported that both the attacking geese and those seen fleeing the scene were Canadian Geese.  The FAA claimed to have no knowledge of any scheduled flock along that air route.  The fact remains that several Canadian Geese were flying in American airspace, something no one disputes.  And yet you hear nothing about this from conventional media outlets, particularly those in areas sharing a border with our “friends” to the north.

There was a time when the beak-and-feather set had a healthy respect for humanity.  These birds of yesteryear would have to be content with expressing their displeasure through a well-timed bowel movement.  Their descendants are proving not nearly so patient.

That these birds can strike any plane at any time should terrify all of humanity.  That it does not is an indication of just how far the pro-avian media has pushed its “Birds of a Feather” campaign.  Recently, there have been attempts by several school districts to ban Alfred Hitchcock’s award-winning documentary, The Birds.

The Hollow-Boned Menace Laughs At Our Weakness

The air-travelling public is left with two choices.  The first, an initially more painful: a return to the Bush Doctrine with regards to America’s growing Avian-Aquatic Mammal-Shark problem, and hunt these beasts down where they hide–hunt them down like dogs! . . . dogs that fly or swim.

The second choice is to not make a choice at all.  To continue with feel-good featherist policies–to bury our heads in the sand, in the parlance of our avian enemy–is to sign our death warrant as a species.  As we speak the avian menace has the capacity to take out any aircraft–private, commercial or military–anywhere in the world.  Don’t think they won’t do it.

Super-Intelligent Stalker Sharks Plotting Bloody ‘Dorsal Dawn’

08 Thursday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Critters, General Foolishness, Humor

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Dan Aykroyd, dangerous sharks, Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does., Dorsal Dawn, great white shark, Jaws, landshark, Peter Benchley, serial killers, stalking kayakers

By Smaktakula

Recent discoveries have confirmed scientists’ long-standing fears regarding the dangers sharks pose to humanity.  Evidence from this research suggests that the threat of shark-on-human violence has never been more prevalent than it is today.  Several disturbing trends point to not only an increase in anti-human behavior, but also evidence of a of sophistication and coordination among the shark community far more advanced than what scientists had previously believed.

He May Look Cuddly, But In Reality He Is A Killing Machine.

The popular image of sharks in the public’s conciousness has undergone many transformations in the nearly forty years since Peter Benchley’s Jaws was first published.  Originally poorly-understood as mysterious and perhaps even supernatural sea monsters, sharks began to be seen as soulless eating machines in the wake of Benchley’s thriller and the Stephen Spielberg-helmed film it inspired.

More recently, led by shark apologists such as Benchley himself, the public perception of these creatures has softened, now depicting these blood-maddened killers as complex alpha-predators, the shark being not a monster to be dreaded, but a necessary spoke in the great wheel of life.

For years, critics have charged that this approach was naive and even dangerous.  Science may have bourne them out.    Recent film evidence shows sharks have begun stalking kayakers.  Even more chilling is the observation by scientists in South Africa that sharks select their prey in a manner similar to that of human serial killers.

A recently discovered photo may be the tipping point in the public consciousness, the final insult which will force humanity to stand up and take notice of the oncoming threat.  The photo appears to show some sort of terrestrial shark–or landshark–preparing to devour former celebrity and current Canadian Dan Aykroyd:

Candygram!

Until recently, the sharks have been content to take humans in ones and twos.  Incontrovertible evidence shows that their attacks are becoming more bold, and that sharks show increasing signs that they are set to rise up in a united show of force.  Humanity’s bloody reckoning increasingly seems like a when, and not an if.

Humanity has the numbers; it’s not yet too late to stem the tide of the sharks’ toothy advance.  However, only when the world reaches a fever-pitch shark hysteria as it did in the weeks following the premier of Jaws, will society be taking this threat for what it is worth.  The longer this awakening is delayed, the smaller the chance that humanity will be ready for the Dorsal Dawn.

SHAMU Sleeper Agent Wreaks Havoc At Florida Amusement Park

25 Thursday Feb 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Critters, General Foolishness, Humor, Satire, Terrorism

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

appeasement, aquatic mammals, Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does., dolphins, Florida, gill nets, killer whale, orca, Sea World, Shamu, terrestrial mammals, Tilikum, tuna, whales

By Smaktakula

Yesterday in Florida, the interminable cold war between Terrestrial and Aquatic mammals turned hot once again.  The Aquatics’ attack was unexpected and savage.  When it was through, a veteran animal handler was dead.  Early reports indicate that the assassin was Tilikum, an orca.  Terrestrial representatives claim that Tilikum is a high-ranking member of the elite SHAMU (Secret Herald of the Aquatic Mammal Underground) Brigade, sent to bring a bloody message to the bipeds.

Tilikum has a checkered history, and at least one run-in with the law.  Although the claims have yet to be substantiated, the Terrestrials maintain that the rogue orca spent parts of 2007 and 2008 at an Al-Qaeda training facility in Sudan.

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Smaktakula

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