• Get To Know Promethean Times!
  • Magnificent Bastards
  • Douchebags Emeritus

Promethean Times

~ A Collection of Oddities Calculated to Amuse, Enlighten and Horrify.

Promethean Times

Tag Archives: appeasement

75 Years Ago In Promethean Times: Sorry About Your Blimp, Fritz!

12 Tuesday Jun 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in History, Politics

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

abject apologies, Adolf Hitler, appeasement, death by blimp, dirigibles, Germany, Hindenburg, Irving Smaktakulawcyz, Lakehurst, New Jersey, outright lies, WWII

By T. Bagg

Look At It This Way: It Would Be Hard To Stomach Seeing This Thing Flying Over The Super Bowl Every Year.

Friday, May 7th, 1937

In our coverage of yesterday’s Hindenburg tragedy in New Jersey, Promethean Times’ writer Irving Smaktakulawcyz  made several explosive statements which, given the scope of the horrific disaster, were at the very least ill-advised. Readers shocked by Mr. Smaktakulawcyz ‘s course language and indecent speech can rest assured that the scoundrel has been disciplined in accordance with the policies of this 150-year-old publication.

Mr. Smaktakulawcyz ‘s views do not represent those of Promethean Times. It is never acceptable, on or off the editorial page, to write such indecencies as “Burn, Fritz! Burn!” or “There’s sure to be several sauerkrauts back in the Fatherland tonight!” Moreover, under no circumstances do we find either appropriate or amusing Mr. Smaktakulawcyz ‘s repeated injunction, “Break out the buns, folks, ’cause we’ve got 35 char-broiled Frankfurters here!”

Irving Smaktakulawcyz: “Although It Would Later Be Determined That Thirty-Five Individuals Perished In The Disaster, Initial Estimates Were Much Lower. Witnesses At The Scene Recalled Hearing Several Victims Screaming ‘NINE!'”

Gentle readers, please believe that we are every bit as offended as yourselves by the inflammatory statements of this rogue reporter. We consider it a black eye upon Promethean Times‘ heretofore unblemished reputation for sober dignity in journalism. We assure our readers that in the future this publication shall never again cast aspersions at our European cousins and brethren in white Christendom.

Moreover, we wish to quell those rumors which currently abound, purporting that our wholehearted and abject apology to you, the reader, is something less than genuine. Let us be clear: this apology is not the result of German threats. As you know, it is the opinion of Promethean Times that while Herr Hitler talks a good game, the German Führer lacks the stomach to back up his empty saber-rattling.

On a final note, while we deplore some of the more caustic statements made by Mr.  Smaktakulawcyz, we are proud  of his first-rate reporting. We believe that long after the passage of time dulls the sting of the teutonophobic reporter’s badly chosen words, his accomplishments yesterday in Lakehurst, New Jersey will ring out through posterity. When future generations think upon this terrible event, they will be unlikely to remember the tepid bleating of Herbert “Oh, the humanity!” Morrison, but rather recall the stirring words of Irving Smaktakulawcyz: “Holy Fuck!  The fat dude in the lederhosen just went up like a Roman candle!”

What Do You Call It When A Bunch Of Nazi-Era Germans Get Burned To A Crisp? A *Tragedy*? We Suppose, But We Were Going For *Irony.*

Somali Pirates Claim Record Jackpot

15 Monday Nov 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, News

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Africa, appeasement, Axis of Iniquity, Barbary Pirates, buccaneers, Ciudad Juarez, corsairs, Eastern Hemisphere, freebooters, G20, Horn of Africa, Hussein, I do it for the wenches, impoverished third-world hellhole, Jackpot, John Adams, Johnny Depp, maritime trade, Orlando Bloom, pashas, piracy, piracy perks, pirates, Pirates of the Caribbean, scalawags, scallywags, Scrooge McDuck, Smart Gene, Somali pirates, Somalia, Stupid Gene, Thomas Jefferson, US Navy, Western Hemisphere, you got a real purty mouth

By Smaktakula

There's Never Been A Better Time To Be A Pirate.

Things haven’t looked this good for corsairs since the days of the Barbary Pirates.  A group of Somali scalawags recently raked in a record jackpot of $12.3 million for the ransom of two ships.

The Western Hemisphere Has Ciudad Juarez. African Aficionados Of Violent Lawlessness Choose The Horn Of Africa.

Experts regard this development not only as a victory for Somali pirates, but also a triumph for proponents of “smart gene/stupid gene” theory.  “This is a very exciting time for fans of maritime piracy,” says scurvologist Dr. Emil Haagerdäddi.  “What we’re seeing now are the naturally occurring results of the piracy blunders earlier in the year.  With more so-called ‘stupid pirates’ removed from the Somali corsair population, the industry as a whole has grown leaner and meaner.”

A smart-gene pirate named Hussein told Reuters, “We are now counting our cash .  . . Soon we shall get down from the ship.”  Hussein and his merry mates are sure to receive a warm welcome when they return to shore, as well as a harem’s worth of wenches, an age-old perk of piracy.

Somali Pirates Would Totally Have Their Way With These Clowns. And Not In The Way Johnny's Hoping.

There is historical precedent in appeasing pirates.  It was long the policy of the European powers to pay tribute to the pirates of the Barbary Coast.  This policy ended in the early 19th Century after various maritime powers, including the newly-reconstituted US Navy, decided that they could no longer tolerate the pashas’ shenanigans.

"Our Young Nation Has Broken The Barbary States' Axis Of Iniquity. Moreover: Screw You, John Adams!"

Most global economists believe that the growing economic clout of Somalia’s maritime piracy industry will not only pull the impoverished third-world hellhole out of its economic doldrums, but might also encourage other developing coastal nations to launch their own fleet of freebooters.

Because Sometimes The Ladies Want A Take-Charge Guy.

Once-threatened, the future looks strong for the Corsairs of Somalia.  Currently the G20 nations are discussing shipping quotas for the Horn of Africa to ensure that a healthy amount of traffic passes by the Horn to preserve the pirates’ historical way of life.

I Disagree With What You Say, And I Will Ruin You If You Say It.

28 Tuesday Sep 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, News, Politics, Religion, Stupidity

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Andres Serrano, appeasement, Barack Obama, bunched panties, burning the Koran, Cagney and Lacey, Catholic Church, censorship, circus, cowardice, dig that awesome dirtbag mustache, dirtbag mustache, double standards, douchebaggery, Florida, Founding Fathers, fucknugget, Gainesville, hypocrisy, idiocy, intellectual cowardice, Islam, Koran, Last Temptation of Christ, lip-service, mainstream media, Martin Scorsese, media bias, Piss Christ, PT Barnum, radical Islam, Rev. Terry Jones, Sharia law, shock artists, Tea Party, those wacky mullahs!, Tyne Daly's eating disorder, Voltaire, white trash

By Smaktakula

It's Hard To Look Dignified With A Ferret Humping Your Upper Lip.

The town of Gainesville, Florida saw in deranged fucknugget Terry Jones a way not only to pusillanimously distance itself from the controversy engendered by the pastor’s threat to burn several copies of the Koran, but also to pad the city coffers with some much-needed cash.  The ‘gator-infested mosquito farm-with-a-zip code presented Jones a bill for the security the city had hired in the event of violence.

By hitting the Reverend with a bill he almost certainly could not pay, Gainesville found a way to tell rest of the world–the Muslim world in particular–that it does not tolerate free speech when that so-called free speech upsets such a large group of sensitive, and more critically, violence prone-individuals.  The good folks of Gainesville joined legions of other self-loathing Americans who not only rightly decried Jones’ plans, but became venomous in their efforts to prove that they stood on the correct side of popular opinion.  Most surprisingly was the nearly universal (at least insofar as the media was concerned) agreement that burning the Koran was a taboo surpassed by few others, the insinuation being that the Reverend knew that he had passed the accepted limits of free speech.

Gainesville: "We Don't Want No Trouble, Y'all."

Although Jones failed to follow through on his threat, the uproar caused by the nonevent did result in the bunching of panties throughout the Arab world.   Several people were killed in rioting even after it was announced that no Korans would be harmed.

There Are Many Similarities Between These Guys And The Tea Party. The Difference? The Media Isn't Too Pussy To Mock The Tea Partiers.

Given that freedom of expression is ostensibly one of America’s most cherished rights–the Founding Fathers having apparently thought so highly of it that they chose it to kick off the Bill of Rights– it might be expected that Americans would grudgingly rally to Jones’ defense.  After all, how often in America does some self-satisfied prick serenely mouth the platitude so often misattributed to Voltaire: I may disagree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it?

Now, Now . . . Let's Hear Them Out.

Add to this America’s proud history standing up against religious calls for censorship.  When Martin Scorsese released his brilliant 1988 film, The Last Temptation of Christ, which the Catholic Church condemned as blasphemous, Americans made the choice for themselves.  The following year “artist” Andres Serrano photographed a crucifix suspended in a jar of his own urine, calling it  Piss Christ and himself an artist.  Christians across the globe were offended at the image of their Lord and Savior swimming in a vat of piss, but American values of free expression permitted cooler heads to prevail.  When Cagney and Lacey was taken off the air in 1983, the people would not have it; the gals were back long enough for a grateful nation to watch Tyne Daly begin to plump up.

Relax, Christians: It's Only Your Lord And Savior Bathed In Urine. You Can Either Respect The First Amendment Or You Can Threaten To Blow Shit Up.

In the face of histrionics from Muslims worldwide and self-righteous head shaking from the rest of the globe, America’s public response was a firm and immediate denunciation of Jones.  Watching pundits and try to one-up one another with contrived indignation became a sport.  By the time President Obama summoned his inner Neville Chamberlain to act as a sort of Appeaser-In-Chief, Jones had no choice but to back down.  That he did is unquestionably a good thing.  That he was bullied so shamefully into it by the media and his government is not.

The Taliban Thought These Historical Religious Carvings Were An Insult To Allah.

The Reverend Jones is unquestionably an attention-hungry con man–more PT Barnum than Jim Jones, whose actions should rightly be castigated.   But  a large segment of those shouting the loudest in this argument miss a larger point.  Although Jones may have talked about burning the Koran and more than likely intended to do it, he didn’t actually do it.  Jones has been punished not for an action which outside of Sharia Law would have been legal anyway, but rather for an unpopular thought.

STOP! Is That A Koran? Sorry, Our Bad--Carry On.

Free speech still exists in America, but only for those with nothing to lose.  The old quote needs to be updated: If I disagree with what you say I will hound you to death should you say it.

Obama Administration To Continue Time-Honored Tradition Of Coddling Despots

01 Thursday Jul 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, General Foolishness, Humor, International Relations, People, Politics, Relationships, Satire, World Affairs

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

appeasement, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, China, Chinese masters, espionage, Europe, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, George W. Bush, Harry S Truman, holding hands with the Saudis, Kremlin, Obama Administration, POTUS, reacharound, reset button, Reset Strategy, Russia, Russian spy ring, Saudi Arabia, Soviet Union, Staples, USSR, Vladimir Putin, W, White House, White House Press Corps

The White House was quick to reassure America’s friends in the Kremlin that, despite the recent arrest of at least ten alleged Russian spies, relations between the two countries were as warm and fuzzy as an inspirational poster of puppies from Spencer’s Gifts.  Observers have pointed to a noticable thawing in dealings between United States and Russia since the implementation of President Obama’s Reset Strategy.     

RESET: Basing Your Foreign Policy On A Staples Ad Campaign Not Always Such A Great Idea

Russian reaction to Obama’s statement was warm.  Said an unnamed Russian source,     

“The Obama is so refreshink.  Before, with the Bush it was all: ‘Don’t kill that journalist,’ ‘Let your people have the free elections,’ ‘Don’t you think you ought to stop invadink your neighbors?’  Blah-Blah-Blah.  Give me break!  I tell you, it was crazy.     

But with the Obama, there is none of that.  We do what we do, and he does what he does, you know?  He calls every now and then, askink: ‘You guys still think I’m cool, right?’     

We say, ‘Sure, Barry!  You are rockink dude!  Give me the high-five, bro!’  And then he goes away for a while.  Everybody happy.”     

Obama is said to have remarked to his aides that Franklin Roosevelt also bent over for the Soviets, and that Truman threw half of Europe under the soul-crushing wheels of the Soviet machine.  “Everybody loves FDR and Truman, right?” the president is reportedly fond of asking.     

Presidents Clinton and Bush 43 are credited with reviving the trend of sucking up to liberty-hating thugs.  Clinton, of course, consulted his Chinese masters before every major decision.  George W. Bush was known to have such a stiffy for the despotic and profligate Saudi regime that he was unable to resist holding hands whenever he got the opportunity.     

His Weakness For Oily Men Was Legendary

In the end, President Obama said he was surprised by the fuss people are making over the so-called spy scandal:     

 “After all,” an aide quotes Obama as saying, “These are simply unregistered emissaries of a friendly foreign power, who were charged with clandestinely bringing the American way of life to their less-fortunate countries.  It seems cynical of the Republicans to bring up Putin’s penchant for ordering the assassination both at home and abroad of journalists and critics.  The Republicans seem to forget that the Bush Administration did exactly the same thing when they asked media organizations not to broadcast sensitive troop movements.”     

The President then invited the White House Press Corps to come watch him slap around an oil executive that POTUS had flown in especially for the occasion.     

Will You Be Needink A Reacharound, Mr. President?  White House: Spy Arrests Will Not Harm US-Russian Ties | USA | English.     

Smaktakula

News Of The Duh: Hostile North Korea May Present Threat To Peace

31 Monday May 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Asia, Culture, Duh, International Relations, Military, People, Politics, Relationships, World Affairs

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

appeasement, batshit crazy, Cheonan, China, comical despots, Japan, Kim Jong-il, Kim Jong-il is batshit crazy, News of the Duh, North Korea, So Ronery, South Korea, Team America: World Police, torpedo attack

The Leaders of Japan, South Korea and China held a summit recently to discuss North Korea’s unprovoked torpedo attack on the South Korean vessel, the Cheonan.

Apparently, one objective of the summit was to determine whether North Korea’s action, which resulted in the Cheonan’s sinking and the loss of 46 sailors, was a threat to peace.

They determined that it was.

So Ronery? Ronery Rike A Fox!

See These Three Wise Men Try To Find Their Posteriors With Both Hands And A Flashlight: BBC News – Asian trio say Cheonan sinking is threat to peace.

Smaktakula

SHAMU Sleeper Agent Wreaks Havoc At Florida Amusement Park

25 Thursday Feb 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Critters, General Foolishness, Humor, Satire, Terrorism

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

appeasement, aquatic mammals, Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does., dolphins, Florida, gill nets, killer whale, orca, Sea World, Shamu, terrestrial mammals, Tilikum, tuna, whales

By Smaktakula

Yesterday in Florida, the interminable cold war between Terrestrial and Aquatic mammals turned hot once again.  The Aquatics’ attack was unexpected and savage.  When it was through, a veteran animal handler was dead.  Early reports indicate that the assassin was Tilikum, an orca.  Terrestrial representatives claim that Tilikum is a high-ranking member of the elite SHAMU (Secret Herald of the Aquatic Mammal Underground) Brigade, sent to bring a bloody message to the bipeds.

Tilikum has a checkered history, and at least one run-in with the law.  Although the claims have yet to be substantiated, the Terrestrials maintain that the rogue orca spent parts of 2007 and 2008 at an Al-Qaeda training facility in Sudan.

Continue reading →

Veiled Fascism: The War Against The Burqa

09 Tuesday Feb 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Culture, Political Correctness, Politics, Religion

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

24 Hour Church of Elvis, appeasement, athiesm, burka, burqa, Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, cross, equality, fascism, forced secularization, France, ghettoization, Islam, It Can't Happen Here, liberty, Morroco, muslims, Pat Robertson, Politics, religiosity, religious freedom, religious intolerance, religious liberty, religious symbols, Scientology, secularism, securalism, Sikh, Star of David, turban

By Smaktakula

Recently, France has escalated its ongoing assault on religious displays and symbols, most recently manifested in the official denunciation of the burqa worn by some muslim women.  The French government is winning the war of forced secularization, outward signs of religion–the crucifix, turbans, the burqa and more–are quickly becoming anathema in French culture.

Continue reading →

LIKE Promethean Times on Facebook!

LIKE Promethean Times on Facebook!

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

The Best Of Times

  • People Actually Believe That? Ramtha And The Lizard-Beasts Of Mt. Rainier
  • Incest: On The Other Hand...
  • Historical Figures With Unfortunate Nicknames: 'Black Dick' Howe
  • Snowboarder's Empire Could Go Up In Smoke
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part III
  • A Funny Story About Clowns
  • Belgians: The World's Most Evil People

Dumb Stuff We Say On Twitter:

Tweets by prometheantimes

Recent Times

  • Teachable Moments
  • The Garden-Destroying Cross-Lot Food Fight
  • My Beef With That One Guy From ‘Fast Times At Ridgemont High’
  • Shelly The Parasitic Yoko of Pervert Alley
  • Welcome To Pervert Alley
  • A Profoundly Philosophical Question
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part III
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part II
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part I
  • Headlines: In Which No Puppies Were Harmed Or Abducted
  • Profiles in Loutishness
  • Bet Your Bottom Dollar That Tomorrow
  • Mea Culpa: 55 Cent
  • Goat Mayo
  • Headlines: More News We Don’t Understand
  • The Aging Gunslinger
  • Hungarian Fone Kard
  • Fresh Socks For Homeless Walter
  • I’m An Ass, And I’m Sorry
  • Headlines: I Was A Caveman’s Love-Puppet
  • Untruth & Consequences: Debriefing
  • To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before
  • My Missing Medal
  • Promethean Times Questions Existence Of Sri Lanka
  • Headlines: Shaking And Stirred

WORD.

Adolf Hitler Afghanistan Africa anti-semitism bad parents Barack Obama Baseball bigotry Bill Clinton California Canada cannabis Celebrity Death Watch childish sexual innuendo China cocaine comical despots dope douchebaggery drugs famous for nothing fat people foolish choices fun with stereotypes gay people Germany gold digger grass headlines helpful hints hemp homosexuality hypocrisy impoverished third-world hellhole Iran Islam jackassery Japan Kim Jong-il LiLo Lindsay Lohan Los Angeles Dodgers marijuana Mexico Muammar al-Gaddafi mullets muslims North Korea outright lies places that suck pot racism reefer religious intolerance skankery skanks Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French Smaktakula's distrust of short people Smaktakula's hypocrisy can sometimes be astounding stupid people sweet sweet cheeba Tardsie's True-Ass Tales that trick never works the French this day in history treachery true meanings of holidays United Kingdom United States of America untalented stars weed Where Are They Now? Why am I so fat? Why am I so stupid? you got a real purty mouth

Promethean History

June 2023
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930  
« Oct    

Search The Prometheosphere

Recent Comments

Vivek Golikeri on Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong…
Tim on People Actually Believe That?…
Anonymous on Commercials We Do Not Like: Me…
Dudley on Diff’rent Strokes Curse…
Anonymous on Commercials We Do Not Like: Me…
Smaktakula on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
David on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
Rackuzius on Brilliant, Dirty Weirdo Said T…
Smaktakula on Teachable Moments
Yoshihiko Motaro on Teachable Moments
Anonymous on Words Never To Use: N****…
Alex C on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
Usman Makhdoom on Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong…
Lary James on Untruth & Consequences: Do…
Jay on Teachable Moments

Tardsie D. Bagg

Smaktakula

Networked Blogs

NetworkedBlogs
Blog:
Promethean Times
Topics:
Satire, Irreverence, Snarkery
 
Follow my blog

Blog at WordPress.com.

  • Follow Following
    • Promethean Times
    • Join 459 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Promethean Times
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar