California, death by OJ, dingoes ate my baby!, Hertz, Johnnie Cochran, Juice, Los Angeles, Lovelock Correctional Center, Nevada, Nicole Brown Simpson, OJ Simpson, Orenthal James Simpson, patsies, Ron Goldman, the Juice is loose!, unpunished
Los Angeles, California: New evidence released this week by the LA County Prosecutor’s office purports to show that presumed murderer Orenthal James Simpson is innocent of the allegations which have long clouded his name. A patsy in a sports-memorabilia sting, the former Hertz pitchman currently languishes in the Lovelock Correctional Center in Nevada for the crime of getting away with the murder of ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, the latter who might have been Brown Simpson’s lover, or possibly just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It now appears that for the last seventeen years, the authorities have been actively seeking to frame an innocent man.
The news of Simpson’s innocence in the Brown-Goldman slayings poses a problem, say legal scholars. Since Simpson’s most recent conviction was in large part–if not entirely–for getting away with the 1994 murder, it remains to be seen if Nevada courts will reconsider their ridiculous decision to punish the Juice for “stealing” his own memorabilia.
Sadly, the news of OJ’s innocence is nothing more than a Promethean Times fiction–what those with less-charitable dispositions might call ‘lies.’ He’s guilty as hell, people. You know that, right?
On which Lee Harvey Oswald comes to regret sneaking into the Texas Theater without purchasing a ticket.
Quick, somebody–call Ruby. He’ll know what to do.
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Orenthal James Simpson, the unpunished murder-turned-sports memorabilia patsy, recently received some unwelcome news. The Nevada Supreme Court refused to overturn his recent conviction for successfully beating an ironclad double-homicide rap 1995 as well as for a minor incident in Las Vegas. It seems the Juice won’t be loosed any time soon.
This is it, folks–OJ’s making his break! He’s on the 10! . . .the 5! . . .the 405!
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On which the nefarious Saddam Hussein succeeds in destroying the Twin Towers.