• Get To Know Promethean Times!
  • Magnificent Bastards
  • Douchebags Emeritus

Promethean Times

~ A Collection of Oddities Calculated to Amuse, Enlighten and Horrify.

Promethean Times

Tag Archives: short people are plain evil!

Frank McCourt: The Omegadouche

07 Thursday Jul 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, News, Sport

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Baseball, Brooklyn Dodgers, Canadians don't play baseball, carpetbaggers, Delino DeShields, douchebaggery, Frank McCourt, Los Angeles Dodgers, MLB, Montreal Expos, Omegadouche, Pedro Martinez, short people, short people are plain evil!, Smaktakula's distrust of short people, worst trade ever

By Smaktakula

110% Evil.

Carpetbagging Bostonian Frank McCourt likes to live large.  Despite his complete lack of merit or any trace of human decency, the most recent owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers has managed to achieve superlativeness in at least one regard: very few individuals in the long and storied history of sporting douchebaggery have managed in such a short time to equal his astounding advancements in the field.

The improvident runt has brought financial ruin upon the Dodgers, universally regarded as the greatest franchise in the history of baseball, and perhaps in all of sport.  Making matters worse, his actions have almost certainly precipitated the team’s takeover by Major League Baseball, casting a century-old Los Angeles tradition* into the same Losers’ Club as the likes of the Montreal Expos.

To Better Understand The Comparison, Imagine That Your Bottled Water Was Secretly Replaced With Berry-Flavored Goat Piss.

Already ignominiously linked to the now-defunct Expos through one of the worst trades in franchise history, which occurred before McCourt’s  arrival on the scene, the Dodgers have now replaced them as the MLB’s poor relation.  For that, among so many heinous crimes, Frank McCourt is truly Lord of the Douches.

Delino DeShields Ended Up Being Pretty Good Too.

* Our readers are no doubt familiar with the revisionist historical claims of the so-called ‘Brooklyn School.’  That these spurious allegations are commonly accepted is bad enough; we will not dignify them further here.  ∞ T.

Tall People Finally Taking It To The Short

15 Tuesday Mar 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, News

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Australia, bullies, Bully Beat Down, Bullygate, bullying, Casey Haynes, short people, short people are plain evil!, Smaktakula's distrust of short people

By Smaktakula

God bless you, Casey Haynes!

Putting Short People In Their Place: It Takes A Big Man To Do A Big Job.

What little problem will he solve next? ∞T.

Short People: At Last, A Reason To Live

04 Friday Feb 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Science, Stupidity

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

5'10" isn't tall, Abigail Folger, AK-47, Big & Tall, bigotry, Charles Manson, Emmanuel Lewis, hate anthem, hate speech, Homo Runticus, Homo Sapiens, homunculi, ironic nicknames, jockeys, Kentucky Derby, lawn jockeys, little people, Michael Jackson, Mini-Me, Napoleon Bonaparte, normals, Olympics, racism, Randy Newman, runts, short people, short people are plain evil!, shorty, shrimp, sizeism, Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French, Smaktakula's distrust of short people, Spud Webb, Tom Cruise, trolls, tunnel rats, unfortunates, VC, Verne Troyer, vertically challenged, Viet Cong, Vietnam Conflict, wrath of God

By Smaktakula

What's With All The Hostility, Stretch?

Let’s be perfectly clear: we have nothing against short people.  Although we have in the past referred (and will no doubt continue to do so) to the vertically-challenged as runts, trolls, homunculi or other appellations highlighting their stunted stature, this should in no way be construed as a judgement against the puny.  Short people can sometimes be a boon to society.

You Won't Just Be Pissing Off Shorty With This One.

Imagine a world without jockeys, where the famed Kentucky Derby was no more than a live-action carousel.  What would chain-smoking old Southern dames do with their time?  Without male gymnasts, the Summer Olympics would run a few hours shorter.  If there had been no tunnel rats during the Vietnam Conflict, who would be given the suicidal task of crawling down booby-trapped VC tunnels to blow up a few AK-47s and some rice?

Although A First-Tier Nation Is Out Of The Question, Opportunities In Political Leadership Exist For The Diminutive.

Despite this, these human elves are still reviled and mistrusted for their handicap.  Sometimes this societal prejudice against people of retarded stature is overt, such as Randy Newman’s hate anthem, Short People.  But bigotry is often more subtle, evidenced in the plethora of Big & Tall stores and telling absence of Little & Short stores.

Nutty Cult Leader Charles Manson, 5'2", Believed That Coffee Had Stunted His Growth, Much To Abigail Folger's Eternal Regret.

It’s tough to be a runt these days.  Not only have these wretched little creatures been cruelly afflicted by an unfeeling and capricious God, but they also must endure well-meaning patronization from normals.

NBA Oddball Spud Webb Has Been Granted Honorary "Normal" Status For His Feats On The Court.

Lift your heads up, little people*–we’d like to leave you with a short thought.  The world would be a much poorer place without you.  You give us laughter.  You give us Tom Cruise movies.  Without you, guys who are 5’10” wouldn’t be able to think of themselves as tall.

Little People Are Not Toys! In Fact, Homo Sapiens And Homo Runticus Are Believed To Have Shared A Common Ancestor.

*Seriously.  People might like you better if you stopped talking to their crotches. ∞T.

Cunning Runt Realizes Babysitter Fantasy

02 Wednesday Feb 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in News

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

adult diapers, arson, astronauts, autism, babysitting, botched similes, copping a feel, Craigslist, cunning runt, diapers, dumb kids and the dumb things they do to fuck up their lives, hobbits, homunculus, Icarus, loser, Marcus Antonius, Mark Anthony Richardson Jr., Mark Antony, million dollar secret, molested, Oklahoma, Oklahoma City, one's a cunning runt, pathetic, perfect scheme, pervert, pervertry, ribaldry, Rome, short people, short people are plain evil!, shrimpy weirdo, Smaktakula's distrust of short people, stupid people, that trick never works, What's the difference between herpes and a midget con-man?, wretched

By Smaktakula

This Crafty Homunculus Devised A Way To Ensure He Was Molested By The Babysitter Every Time.

People said Mark Anthony Richardson, Jr. was stupid.  A loser.  A Do-nothing.  The authorities called him a firebug, and no less than his own mother claimed that her 21-year-old son “lives in a fantasy.”  And yet somehow, this much-maligned misanthrope managed to pull off –literally–one of the cleverest acts of pervertry heretofore seen in America.  But like the similarly-named Roman general of historical renown, Mark Anthony flew too far too fast, and came plunging to earth.* The Oklahoma City man now faces one count of sexual battery and seven counts of outraging public decency.

The plan seemed foolproof.  Mark Anthony responded to Craigslist babysitter postings by posing as a man named David who needed care for his severely autistic adult son, Alex.  Alex still wore diapers, David explained, and would need someone to change him.  Mark Anthony, who stands a Hobbit-like 4’9″, would also play the feeble-minded “Alex.”

The Tiresome Singer Is Culpable For Myriad Crimes, But Babysitter Groping Isn't Among Them.

The unsuspecting babysitters, believing him severely disabled, were happy to oblige the pint-sized pervert, even when he showed up in a taxi at 2:00 AM, naked but for a soiled diaper.  Mark Anthony was nothing, if not committed.

The midget’s ingenious ruse lasted for some time, during which babysitters changed his diapers no fewer than seven times.  Once, on an overnight stay, Mark Anthony was able to cop a feel from his babysitter’s eighteen-year-old daughter.  When the daughter awoke and complained to her mother, she was told that the diminutive groper couldn’t help himself, and to just go back to sleep.  It seemed that Mark Anthony had found the million-dollar secret.

That Mullet Could Not Have Given A Clearer Indication Of What Was To Come.

But beauty is ephemeral, and so too are beautiful things.  Gradually, the babysitters became concerned when Mark Anthony would repeatedly became sexually aroused during the changing, and would sometimes run away, forcing his victims to tackle him.  It was not long before the authorities entered the picture.

The tiny freak’s mother, who spoke to the press on the condition that her name not be used, acknowledged that Mark Anthony–on probation for a 2008 arson conviction–has “some mental disabilities,” and that her son needs to be institutionalized.  She also indicated that she hoped no one would ask how so handicapped an individual, and presumably in her care, could be out at night committing crimes without her being aware.

"Houston, I'm Doin' #1 Right Now!" Astronauts Also Wear Diapers, But For A Different Reason.

The party’s over for Mark Anthony Richardson.  If he is convicted–and given the evidence against him, acquittal is unlikely–the puny creep will be forced to register as a sex offender, and so will end any chance he might have had of repeating his clever acts of ribaldry.  But others, with records as-yet unblemished by sex crimes, may still assume the mantle which has been so rudely torn from Richardson.  In this way, the shrimpy weirdo’s filthy burst of ingenuity should not be viewed in terms of his sad fate, as it is the fate of only one man.  Rather, see his Christ-like sacrifice as necessary to promulgate the Good News of his message.  Dirty little Mark Anthony has struck a victory for us all.

Laugh All You Want. Dressing Like This Makes Smaktakula More Comfortable.

*Icarus.  You’re thinking of Icarus. ∞T.

LIKE Promethean Times on Facebook!

LIKE Promethean Times on Facebook!

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

The Best Of Times

  • Belgians: The World's Most Evil People
  • Mullets Are Slightly Less Heinous Than Fauxhawks
  • People Actually Believe That? Ramtha And The Lizard-Beasts Of Mt. Rainier
  • Brilliant, Dirty Weirdo Said To Have Proved The Existence Of God
  • Mark Wahlberg Is Nothing Without The Funky Bunch. Nothing!
  • Diff'rent Strokes Curse Remains With Work Undone
  • Step Dancing Is For Everybody?--Not So Fast, White Girls
  • The Red Danube
  • Magnificent Bastards
  • Hef's Former Skank Calls Him "Dead Fish"

Dumb Stuff We Say On Twitter:

  • Teachable Moments prometheantimes.com/2015/10/15/tea… http://t.co/QFzhCOBHaO 6 years ago
  • The Garden-Destroying Cross-Lot Food Fight prometheantimes.com/2015/10/01/the… http://t.co/lY6IVUWzYV 6 years ago
  • My Beef With That One Guy From ‘Fast Times At Ridgemont High’ prometheantimes.com/2015/09/23/my-… http://t.co/izgO4yJppn 6 years ago
  • Shelly The Parasitic Yoko of Pervert Alley prometheantimes.com/2015/08/17/she… http://t.co/0svsAHygLs 6 years ago
  • Welcome To Pervert Alley prometheantimes.com/2015/07/31/wel… http://t.co/tvFvovXjTX 6 years ago
Follow @prometheantimes

Recent Times

  • Teachable Moments
  • The Garden-Destroying Cross-Lot Food Fight
  • My Beef With That One Guy From ‘Fast Times At Ridgemont High’
  • Shelly The Parasitic Yoko of Pervert Alley
  • Welcome To Pervert Alley
  • A Profoundly Philosophical Question
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part III
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part II
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part I
  • Headlines: In Which No Puppies Were Harmed Or Abducted
  • Profiles in Loutishness
  • Bet Your Bottom Dollar That Tomorrow
  • Mea Culpa: 55 Cent
  • Goat Mayo
  • Headlines: More News We Don’t Understand
  • The Aging Gunslinger
  • Hungarian Fone Kard
  • Fresh Socks For Homeless Walter
  • I’m An Ass, And I’m Sorry
  • Headlines: I Was A Caveman’s Love-Puppet
  • Untruth & Consequences: Debriefing
  • To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before
  • My Missing Medal
  • Promethean Times Questions Existence Of Sri Lanka
  • Headlines: Shaking And Stirred

WORD.

Adolf Hitler Afghanistan Africa anti-semitism bad parents Barack Obama Baseball bigotry Bill Clinton California Canada cannabis Celebrity Death Watch childish sexual innuendo China cocaine comical despots dope douchebaggery drugs famous for nothing fat people foolish choices fun with stereotypes gay people Germany gold digger grass headlines helpful hints hemp homosexuality hypocrisy impoverished third-world hellhole Iran Islam jackassery Japan Kim Jong-il LiLo Lindsay Lohan Los Angeles Dodgers marijuana Mexico Muammar al-Gaddafi mullets muslims North Korea outright lies places that suck pot racism reefer religious intolerance skankery skanks Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French Smaktakula's distrust of short people Smaktakula's hypocrisy can sometimes be astounding stupid people sweet sweet cheeba Tardsie's True-Ass Tales that trick never works the French this day in history treachery true meanings of holidays United Kingdom United States of America untalented stars weed Where Are They Now? Why am I so fat? Why am I so stupid? you got a real purty mouth

Promethean History

May 2022
M T W T F S S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Oct    

Search The Prometheosphere

Recent Comments

Vivek Golikeri on Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong…
Tim on People Actually Believe That?…
Anonymous on Commercials We Do Not Like: Me…
Dudley on Diff’rent Strokes Curse…
Anonymous on Commercials We Do Not Like: Me…
tomsimard on Sadly, Anne Heche Still L…
Smaktakula on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
David on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
Rackuzius on Brilliant, Dirty Weirdo Said T…
Smaktakula on Teachable Moments
Yoshihiko Motaro on Teachable Moments
Anonymous on Words Never To Use: N****…
Alex C on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
Usman Makhdoom on Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong…
Lary James on Untruth & Consequences: Do…

Tardsie D. Bagg

Smaktakula

Networked Blogs

NetworkedBlogs
Blog:
Promethean Times
Topics:
Satire, Irreverence, Snarkery
 
Follow my blog

Blog at WordPress.com.

  • Follow Following
    • Promethean Times
    • Join 509 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Promethean Times
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar