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Tag Archives: Frank McCourt

Frank McCourt: The Omegadouche

07 Thursday Jul 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, News, Sport

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Baseball, Brooklyn Dodgers, Canadians don't play baseball, carpetbaggers, Delino DeShields, douchebaggery, Frank McCourt, Los Angeles Dodgers, MLB, Montreal Expos, Omegadouche, Pedro Martinez, short people, short people are plain evil!, Smaktakula's distrust of short people, worst trade ever

By Smaktakula

110% Evil.

Carpetbagging Bostonian Frank McCourt likes to live large.  Despite his complete lack of merit or any trace of human decency, the most recent owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers has managed to achieve superlativeness in at least one regard: very few individuals in the long and storied history of sporting douchebaggery have managed in such a short time to equal his astounding advancements in the field.

The improvident runt has brought financial ruin upon the Dodgers, universally regarded as the greatest franchise in the history of baseball, and perhaps in all of sport.  Making matters worse, his actions have almost certainly precipitated the team’s takeover by Major League Baseball, casting a century-old Los Angeles tradition* into the same Losers’ Club as the likes of the Montreal Expos.

To Better Understand The Comparison, Imagine That Your Bottled Water Was Secretly Replaced With Berry-Flavored Goat Piss.

Already ignominiously linked to the now-defunct Expos through one of the worst trades in franchise history, which occurred before McCourt’s  arrival on the scene, the Dodgers have now replaced them as the MLB’s poor relation.  For that, among so many heinous crimes, Frank McCourt is truly Lord of the Douches.

Delino DeShields Ended Up Being Pretty Good Too.

* Our readers are no doubt familiar with the revisionist historical claims of the so-called ‘Brooklyn School.’  That these spurious allegations are commonly accepted is bad enough; we will not dignify them further here.  ∞ T.

Headlines 06.27.11

27 Monday Jun 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Crime, Culture, History, Music, News, Politics, Science, Sport, Stupidity

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Americans of Singularity Descent, Amy Winehouse, Ayman al-Zawahiri, bad parents, bilingual, black holes, Chicago, corruption, death by drunk driving, dictators, flash mob, Frank McCourt, gender issues, headlines, human feces, Jackass, Julia Sweeney, Keith Richards, Libya, Los Angeles Dodgers, Mexican drug cartel, Minot, NATO, New Jersey, Newt Gingrich, North Dakota, playground beatings, Ryan Dunn, San Francisco Giants, Snooki, Spelling Bee, thanks a lot mom, untouchables, Yoko Ono

By Smaktakula

Because who has time to read the articles, right?

One Of The Few Periodicals To Meet Our Exacting Journalistic Standards.

Parents keep child’s gender secret ~ Regardless of the creature’s gender, it’s destined to grow up to be a smug, self-righteous fucknugget like Mom & Dad.

“Thanks A Lot, Mom And Dad!”

The Bilingual Advantage ~ The big advantage is knowing when the help is talking about you.

‘I shot the cruellest dictator in the Americas ~ “But I did not shoot the deputy cruellest dictator in the Americas.”

Sukanya Roy, 14, wins Scripps National Spelling Bee with ‘cymotrichous’ ~ If only Sukanya’s special power could prevent the inevitable playground beatings.

Is Frank McCourt really the worst owner in baseball? ~ Does Ayman al-Zawahiri still own a controlling interest in the San Francisco Giants?  Otherwise it’s Frank, hands down.

His Palatial Home Is Built Entirely From The Bones Of Kittens.

Death of 91-year-old spotlights line between care and killing ~ And, at 91, plain old bad luck.

Gingrich campaign hit by defections ~ We would like this a lot better if Newt were hit with ‘defecation.’

Ancient sea turtle discovered in N.J. ~ Sorry to get the scientists so hot & bothered for a false alarm, but you knew all that fake tanning would catch up to Snooki eventually.

If You’ve Never Gotten Really Drunk And Then Humped A Bright Orange Beach Ball, You Aren’t In A Position To Judge.

Love thy neighbor: Son’s killer moves next door ~ Find out what happens when people stop being polite…and start getting real.  Thursdays at 10 PM on MTV.

Mexican cartels now using tanks ~ The world must act now before cartel scientists manage to create or steal enough fissionable material to create la bomba de gran tamaño.

Chicago Police Brace for ‘Flash Mob’ Attack ~Not to worry–the mob owns Chicago PD.

With A Combined Weight Of 678 Pounds And Only One Mustache Between Them, It Takes Four Untouchables To Equal One Modern-Day Chicago Cop.

Murdered woman recorded fight with husband before death ~ When you marry a woman who’s smarter than you are, you’re just asking for trouble.  

Japan scientist synthesizes meat from human feces ~ Known popularly as ‘The Yoko Ono Story.’

NATO strike kills 15 Libyan civilians ~Considering Lockerbie, the Libyan people still owe the free world about 245 souls, give or take.

Black holes abound in early universe ~ We thought the world had moved past all this racist nonsense.

Amy Winehouse added to the list of biggest boos ~ Because, heaven knows, she’s not gonna make the list for ‘biggest boobs.’

It’s A Given That You Won’t Go Back To Rehab, No, No, No. But If We Paid For A Boob Job, Would You Go, Go, Go?

Rolling Stones’ Keith Richards ‘put his teeth back in with superglue’  ~ Then what happened?

4000 Minot homes to be swamped by day’s end ~ Dear God!  Our sense of what is normal and right has been turned on its head.  We had no clue that more than 150 people lived in Minot, North Dakota.    

                                                 

Friend remembers Ryan Dunn’s last moments ~ Really?  Because it seems like those last moments were the worst.

“Someday The Mountain Might Get Me,” Dunn Told Perplexed Friends In The Days Before The ‘Accident,’ Swearing, “But The Law Never Will.”

Want more of this foolishness?

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Get To Know Frank McCourt

31 Tuesday May 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, News, Sport

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Angela's Ashes, Baseball, cock-knockers, comical despots, Dodger Blue, douchebaggery, Frank McCourt, Los Angeles Dodgers, outright lies, pure evil, short people, Smaktakula's distrust of short people, the other Frank McCourt, treachery

By Smaktakula

"I Totally Bleed Dodger Blue. It IS Blue, Right? Their Color, I Mean."

To the myriad awful things you already knew about loathsome Dodgers owner Frank McCourt–the greed, the douchiness, the being short– let us add one more:

Frank McCourt eats babies.

The Monster Boasts In Print: Frank's First Victim Was A Young Girl Named Angela O'Roarke.

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