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Tag Archives: Vietnam Conflict

This Day In History: May 4th, 1970 CE

04 Friday May 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, History, Music, Politics

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

1970, Cambodia, David Crosby, Graham Nash, Kent State, Kent State Massacre, massacre, May 4th, Neil Young, Ohio, Ohio National Guard, protesters, Richard M. Nixon, Stephen Stills, this day in history, Vietnam Conflict

On which the simmering combination of angry anti-war protesters and nervous Ohio National Guardsmen reaches a violent boil, inspiring a great Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young song.

“Tin Soldiers And Nixon Coming, We’re Finally On Our Own . . .This Summer I Hear The Drumming–Damn, This Song IS Catchy.”

Four dead in O-Hi-O. ∞T.

Could You Be An Asshole? Holy War

03 Wednesday Aug 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in History, Politics, Religion, Stupidity

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

affecting intelligence, American Civil War, American Revolution, anti-semitism, Chinese Revolution, conflict, Could you be an asshole?, Crimean War, don't be an idiot, Franco-Prussian War, French Revolution, glasses, Gulf War, holy war, Italo-Abyssinian War, Nazis, New York Times, NPR, people who want to sound smart but aren't, Russo-Japanese War, Soviet Revolution, The Indian Wars, Vietnam Conflict, war, War of 1812, wars of religion, Why am I so stupid?, World War I, World War II

By Smaktakula

"Verily, Brethren, I Say Unto Thee That It Pleaseth The Lord That We Smite These Fuckers Royally."

It’s not a crime to want to seem more intelligent than you really are.  There are a great many ways to affect this which are not only effective but also appropriate, such as wearing glasses, carrying an NPR tote bag or bringing up the New York Times more than once in a polite conversation.

Just as there are appropriate ways to feign intelligence, so also are there inappropriate ways.  Chief among these are statements designed to sound intelligent to other idiots, but break down under a smidgen of scrutiny.  One such canard is the oft-heard assertion that “all wars are fought over religion.”

The Almighty Wants No Part Of This.

It is absolutely true that religion is the cause of all armed conflicts, with a few notable exceptions: World War I, World War II, the Vietnam Conflict, the Soviet Revolution, the French Revolution, the Indian Wars, the Chinese Revolution, the Russo-Japanese War, the War of 1812, the Gulf War, the American Civil War, the Italo-Abyssinian War, the Cuban Revolution, the Korean Conflict, Sino-Vietnamese War, the Franco-Prussian War, the American Revolution, the Crimean War, and far, far, far too many others to name.

Not Only Did These Evil Fuck-Monkeys Wage A Decidedly Unholy War, But They Took It To God's Chosen People.

The so-called ‘Jesus Wars’ of the early 1970s were not at all religious in nature, but rather a series of bloody turf-battles between Los Angeles gang leaders. ∞T.

Short People: At Last, A Reason To Live

04 Friday Feb 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Science, Stupidity

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

5'10" isn't tall, Abigail Folger, AK-47, Big & Tall, bigotry, Charles Manson, Emmanuel Lewis, hate anthem, hate speech, Homo Runticus, Homo Sapiens, homunculi, ironic nicknames, jockeys, Kentucky Derby, lawn jockeys, little people, Michael Jackson, Mini-Me, Napoleon Bonaparte, normals, Olympics, racism, Randy Newman, runts, short people, short people are plain evil!, shorty, shrimp, sizeism, Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French, Smaktakula's distrust of short people, Spud Webb, Tom Cruise, trolls, tunnel rats, unfortunates, VC, Verne Troyer, vertically challenged, Viet Cong, Vietnam Conflict, wrath of God

By Smaktakula

What's With All The Hostility, Stretch?

Let’s be perfectly clear: we have nothing against short people.  Although we have in the past referred (and will no doubt continue to do so) to the vertically-challenged as runts, trolls, homunculi or other appellations highlighting their stunted stature, this should in no way be construed as a judgement against the puny.  Short people can sometimes be a boon to society.

You Won't Just Be Pissing Off Shorty With This One.

Imagine a world without jockeys, where the famed Kentucky Derby was no more than a live-action carousel.  What would chain-smoking old Southern dames do with their time?  Without male gymnasts, the Summer Olympics would run a few hours shorter.  If there had been no tunnel rats during the Vietnam Conflict, who would be given the suicidal task of crawling down booby-trapped VC tunnels to blow up a few AK-47s and some rice?

Although A First-Tier Nation Is Out Of The Question, Opportunities In Political Leadership Exist For The Diminutive.

Despite this, these human elves are still reviled and mistrusted for their handicap.  Sometimes this societal prejudice against people of retarded stature is overt, such as Randy Newman’s hate anthem, Short People.  But bigotry is often more subtle, evidenced in the plethora of Big & Tall stores and telling absence of Little & Short stores.

Nutty Cult Leader Charles Manson, 5'2", Believed That Coffee Had Stunted His Growth, Much To Abigail Folger's Eternal Regret.

It’s tough to be a runt these days.  Not only have these wretched little creatures been cruelly afflicted by an unfeeling and capricious God, but they also must endure well-meaning patronization from normals.

NBA Oddball Spud Webb Has Been Granted Honorary "Normal" Status For His Feats On The Court.

Lift your heads up, little people*–we’d like to leave you with a short thought.  The world would be a much poorer place without you.  You give us laughter.  You give us Tom Cruise movies.  Without you, guys who are 5’10” wouldn’t be able to think of themselves as tall.

Little People Are Not Toys! In Fact, Homo Sapiens And Homo Runticus Are Believed To Have Shared A Common Ancestor.

*Seriously.  People might like you better if you stopped talking to their crotches. ∞T.

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