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Tag Archives: South America

True Facts: Trees

22 Thursday Sep 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in History, Stupidity

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Tags

Africa, Asia, Christopher Columbus, Europe, flora, India, New World, North America, outright lies, Rock & Roll, South America, trees, true facts, vegetation, Were you still using that?

By Smaktakula

Much like Rock & Roll or the armadillo, all terrestrial plant life originated in the Americas.  Prior to Columbus’ journey to the New World in 1492, the known world–Asia, Africa and Europe–was a vast, lifeless desert dotted here and there with huts made from goat-dung.  Although much of the world has now been overrun by invasive vegetation, dusty outposts like Algeria still cling to an older way of life, barren and unforgiving, just as God intended it.

The Great Explorer Was Astounded To Find That The Denizens Of India Require Not Oxygen, But Rather Carbon Dioxide For Respiration.

Free Tibet! (Or Did That Already Happen?)

06 Thursday Jan 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, History

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Tags

abortion, adhesive decal, Americans' woeful lack of a global perspective, Asia, ass-talking, Barack Obama, bumper sticker mentality, China, Dalai Lama, Did we ever fix the Rain Forest?, Free Tibet flags, Free Tibet!, Free World, freeway pundits, Fugeeman, Haiti, Haitians don't play baseball, irony, irony sense, Ivory Coast, jackassery, John Edwards, John Kerry, KERRY/EDWARDS 2004, Macedonia, mythical creatures, mythical lands, Native Americans, Norway, OBAMA IS A SOCIALIST!, people who want to sound smart but aren't, PISS, political bumper stickers, Political Intelligence Standards Survey, political philosophy, political slogans, post-Soviet, Promethean Times, Smaktakula's ability to shamelessly talk out of his ass, SMILE YOU WEREN'T ABORTED, South America, Soviet Union, Sri Lanka, stupid people, stupidity on display, sub-Saharan, Tibet, Tibetans, uninformed opinions, voodoo, we choose to use 'stupid' as a noun. What are you gonna do?, we don't know what we're talking about, Wendigo, William Faulkner, Wyclef Jean, Yeti

By Smaktakula

Sure, Sure--It's Super Important, But We Have Some Questions First.

It’s a challenge to drive any distance these days without seeing the ubiquitous political bumper sticker, in which complex and deeply-nuanced issues are boiled down to a sloganized reduction so bereft of substance that it makes the average high-schooler’s Tweet seem Faulknerian by comparison.  From SMILE YOU WEREN’T ABORTED’s stealthy smugness to the charmingly pathetic earnestness of KERRY/EDWARDS 2004, political bumper stickers proclaim a myriad of simplistic political philosophies expressed in varying degrees of screechiness.

FREE TIBET saw its heyday as a cause célèbre in the heady days of the Post-Soviet 1990s, when anything seemed possible–even affecting global change through the power of an adhesive decal.  Even so, FREE TIBET still doggedly clamors for attention from the rear bumpers of those who refuse to forget.

Tibetans Such As Man-Who-Watches-Sky Wonder When The Great Spirit Will End Their Oppression.

But do they know what they remember?  After seeing a certain musician (whom we choose not to name, but who recently attempted a laughably anticlimactic run at the presidency of an impoverished, voodoo-loving, non-baseball playing nation in the Caribbean) fail spectacularly to comment coherently on the situation, we began to wonder how much Tibet’s defenders actually know about the tiny, oppressed nation.  So we devised a simple test.

Although Promethean Times lives and dies on Freedom of Expression, we believe also in the responsibility to voluntarily limit that freedom to those spheres of knowledge in which the speaker has at least a rudimentary grasp of the subject.  We do not question the right of any man, woman or child to speak out of his or her ass–Promethean Times is both a proponent of and adherent to the delicately-disciplined ballet that is ass-talking–but to trumpet one’s ignorance publicly from the back of a car is not only a blaring admission of that ignorance, but allows observers to match the stupid to a face.

Tibet Boasts A Host Of Aboriginal Cultures.

Which is why Promethean Times endorses the Political Intelligence Standards Survey, a voluntary program whereby the owners of political bumper stickers would submit to a brief test of their knowledge on the subject about which they wish so stridently to opine.  Those freeway pundits able to pass the test would be able to tell the world not only that OBAMA IS A SOCIALIST!, but also to proudly proclaim that they have at least a half-formed idea of what a socialist is.

For the FREE TIBET crowd we recommend asking “On which continent will you find Tibet?”  In a perfect world the respondent would be able to name the country from which beleaguered Tibet seeks to gain its independence, but after much debate we decided that was probably asking for too much from today’s geographically-disinclined society.

The Yeti (Seen Here) And The Dalai Lama Are Two Of Tibet's More Famous Mythical Creatures.

The upshot is that the situation in Tibet is very serious, and threatens to spill over into neighboring Ivory Coast and Macedonia, with violence potentially spreading widely enough even to affect fake countries like Sri Lanka.  Until the Norwegian government sees fit to bring real freedom to the brave people of this tiny sub-Saharan nation, the Free World should never expect real peace in South America.

Well, We've Done Our Part.

Given that the above is 100% true, we’re not exactly sure why our Irony Sense goes wild at the fact that until recently some FREE TIBET flags were made in China. ∞T.

From CNN: Marijuana Plantations Feeding Europe’s Habit

28 Friday May 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, Plantlife, South America, World Affairs

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

CNN, dope, grass, hemp, keep marijuana illegal, marijuana, marijuana legalization, marijuana plantations, Mary Jane, peasant farmers, pot, reefer, South America, Stoner the Horse, sweet sweet cheeba, weed

Europe’s insatiable jones for the sweet, sweet cheeba has increased the demand for high-quality marijuana.  To meet this demand, peasant farmers in South America are growing cannabis in greater numbers.  These farmers claim that growing illegal marijuana is the only way they can feed their families. 

KEEP MARIJUANA ILLEGAL! 

I stop the farmer and briefly pet the horse. 

“He’s called Stoner,” the farmer tells me in Spanish, before breaking into a broad grin and setting off again. 

Fuck The Hay, Man--How 'Bout Some Corn Nuts?

 Stoner The Horse Says–This Is The Shit They Don’t Want You To Know, Man: Marijuana plantations feeding Europe’s habit – CNN.com.

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