By Smaktakula
Were you expecting charts and hard numbers? Facts only slow us down; we ride ad hominem here.
The People Of This Quaint And Lovely Low-Lying Land Are Known For Making Delicious Confections Such As Chocolate, As Well As For Their National Passion For Kicking Puppies And The Elderly.
What do you care, anyway? You’re not from Belgium, and probably don’t speak a word of Belgish.
Some Famous Belgians:
Not sure how this plays into their reputation but they do make Duvel – the evil but also brilliantly delicious beer.
An excellent point, John–thanks for the comment. Fortunately, in the case of beer, evil and brilliantly delicious are not mutually exclusive qualities. Another exculpatory factor in Belgium’s favor is the one or two days the tiny nation will delay the advancing German forces during their next invasion of France.
You’re just totally stupid.
1. Hitler’s NOT belgian
2.We speak FRENCH and DUTCH. Not Belgish.
3. That’s not because Charlie Sheen has some deviances that he’s evil. Same for Coulter.
4. BELGIANS AREN’T ALL THE SAME !
5. I don’t know you. But say shit about us one more time and we’ll show you that if stupid people like you say we’re evil, we’ll show them how we can be evil.
i already like you ! dumbass
Well, we must be dumbasses, because we like you too.
Hitler was Austrian…..
How about that? We checked this one out with Wikipedia, and it turns out you’re right!
However, we stand firmly behind the Belgiosity of Ms. Coulter and Mr. Sheen. Seriously, we wouldn’t fuck up three times in a row!
Thanks for your careful eye, A! And keep reading!
Pish. Like you can believe anything that Wikipedia says. You want Hitler to be Belgian? Give me two minutes, and he’ll be Belgian. Wikipedia’s obsession with fact is obviously a result of their left-wing bias.
Anonymous, read through some of our older dispatches. If you find any egregious errors like this one, I hope you’ll comment. It will–and I cannot be more sincere–make Promethean Times that much better.
Personally, I’m surprised to find out that Hitler was from Austria. It’s difficult to picture him standing next to a kangaroo and saying, “G’day Mate!” Still, they say that truth is stranger than fiction.
Austria, not Australia dude..:/
Some people just couldn’t fuckin get it…bwaha!
Would that be the kangaroo that’s saying “G’day Mate?” That would indeed be strange.
(Sometimes, sarcasm just falls on deaf ears.)
Weirdly enough, Belgians speak French. That should qualify them for Smaktakula’s general loathing of all things French and/or things related to the French. I do not know if Belgians bathe more than the French, although I certainly hope so. It would be difficult to bathe less.
However, there are two good things that have come out of Belgium- the Belgian Waffle and the Belgian Malinois (those really kick ass dogs that the military and SWAT teams use that look like German Shepherds -sort of- but aren’t.)
Good points. We’d add the indefatigable and legendary detective Hercule Poirot to the list of Belgian things which don’t suck.
french? we flemish people (vast majority) have to learn it as second language. we don’t like it. in fact, we fought the welish, who were banding along with the french (they thought they were more important and noble of blood) and we won! the flemish lion today still stands. a lot of artists came from belgium, Antwerp was an important dock to all of the world, and we want to split from the stupid welish people. they still have a giant financial debt to the flanders, who do all the work. go nag about some other country for a change. like france. or spane.
The Germans are next.
I guess the “stupid welish people” as you call them know that spane is not a country… I guess you meant Spain… Good thing all the flemish don’t think like you do!
Only about half of us speak French, the other half speaks Dutch
(and there is a small amount of people that speak German too).
hitler wasn’t belgian, duh. also, kicking puppies? we don’t kick either pupies or elder people. only the outlanders do so! at least we didn’t cause a war in the gaza region. americans caused the war in the gaza region. that’s way worse. there are more famous then that. ur just saying the bad stuff, but no single word about good we did. also, half of us (more then half, actually) talks dutch. fail for you. (yes, we bathe every day)
We’re convinced! If we had to do it again, we’d call the piece Belgians: The World’s Most Sensitive People.
Thanks, Anonymous! My best to you and your “country.”
Um, excuse me, I’d like to step into this pile of shit.
I am an American. I love it here, not because of the government, either. It may surprise you to know that I don’t support most decisions of the government, especially when this country wants to play cowboy and ride into the wild, wild west, so to speak. If this government were a person, I’d call it an asshole.
People of any country can’t make themselves look better or less an asshole, by showing how much better they are than the other country. That sounds like something a middle school child would use as a discussion for why “my dog is better than your dog.”
In case you didn’t know this, countries are made up of individuals with opinions of their own. Just like assholes – everyone’s got one. At least one…
And just to help you out, “ur” is spelled “you’re” and sentences start with capital letters. I’ll let the rest go.
Why are you such a spokes-hole for your country, anyway?
Your response made me want to start humming My Country ‘Tis of Thee. Replete with awesome!
It’s a tongue in cheek piece. A joke. Get it? Do Belgians have a sense of humor? Jus’ sayin’… There’s shitty people in every country.
apparently this guy also doesn’t know the difference between Austria and Australia….
It’s a joke, Stuffy.
Pish. As if it matters.
Satire or nonsense, I simply don’t care. But I do care to let you know I think you’re an absolute daft bastard for writing this tripe. I am unsure how I even came across this site as I am browsing the internet looking to buy a new cat-flap for my dog.I bet you’ve hardly ever left your own city. Ofcourse you may have, how am I going to know?
You disgust me.
-Harry
In fact, I’ve never left the state of Iowa. You neglect to say where you’re from, but I’m guessing it’s somewhere in the desert, ’cause it sounds like you’ve got a little sand in your vagina.
Thanks for commenting, Harry–and keep reading!
That’s just an insult to vaginas everywhere!
Mea culpa, ARQ–When you’re right, you’re right. We owe a big apology to vaginas everywhere. Our biggest apology however, is reserved for that biggest of vaginas, Commentin’ Harry.
Thanks, ARQ!
Well, yes, of course….this explains everything….
Flemish people should stay put in Flemland!
This is the most ridiculous text I ever read!
Belgium is one of the major countries in Europe(which is a continent if you still didn’t know..).
There are 3 official languages, French, Dutch and German.
Hitler was from Austria, nothing to do with Belgium….
Thanks for setting us straight, Jakub. Belgium is indeed one of the major countries in Europe. Why, only the United Kingdom, France, Italy, the Netherlands, Ireland, Iceland, Spain, Andorra, Liechtenstein, Germany, the Czech Republic, Slovenia, Estonia, Latvia, Sweden, Finland, Norway, Switzerland, Austria (where Hitler was from!), Serbia, Bosnia, Poland and Greece are more important European Countries.
Thanks Jakub–come again!
Yeah sure Brussels (capital city of Belgium for dumbass who didn’t know) is also the capital of Europe so so shut the fuck up you fool
Reblogged this on Promethean Times and commented:
This post gets so much love that we just had to reblog it. Remember, friends–everything you read on Promethean Times is 100% true.
I think John Edwards is Belgian too, if I recall correctly.
Of course! It all makes sense now…Well, it makes more sense than it did, anyway!
Is that you posting the “anonymous” comments ? That is brilliant.
Anyhoo, any country that makes chocolate well cannot be all bad.
It is pretty funny, but I am not he (or she). That guy’s comments pretty much make the piece, I think.
You forgot to say that once we’ve kikked the puppies enough we like to scratch their eyes out and serve them to kids who didn’t behave
We knew it! We knew there were Belgians with senses of humor!
Thanks, Anonymous.
Hitler is German idiots!
You make me happy.
I have the great misfortune of living here in brussels. OMG I have never experienced such a backward place and lazy pathetic (yet oddly arrogant) bunch of no-hopers in my life. The French Walloons could simply be flushed away and the Flems are stuck up rude loud ugly and very forgettable. This country will sink, and Europe will be a better place for it. I am stuck here by work, and indeed quite enjoy the superiority I can feel every day with every ridiculous encounter with a local. Sadly no local colleagues… we don’t hire them!
I came here because I had to get away from selfproclaimed lawenforcement agents. I chose Belgium because they have none. It’s amazing to see what shit you can get away with here. It’s like Somalia, except there is actually stuff of value to steal here. I guess there’s always some good to every evil, you just have to see it!
Awesome! We have mad respect for dudes who find their own path in this world.