Tags
Amnesty International, bacon, bacon attack, Bacon is evil!, bad grandparents, bad kids, child abuse, Clinton Heights, Evil Ones, gingers, Granny Gitmo, Guantanamo Bay, Marilee Ann Kolynych, nanny state, parental rights, Pennsylvania, Problem Child, wakeboarding, waterboarding
By Smaktakula
Granny Gitmo
Clinton Heights, Pennsylvania, has joined that growing list of places where parents are legally prohibited from disciplining their own children as they see fit. 63-year-old grandmother Marilee Ann Kolynych learned this the hard way when she sought to teach her grandson a lesson about gluttony.
Kolynych has apparently long prided herself in taking an active role in raising her grandchildren. So, one morning when her grandson proved too rapacious at breakfast, consuming a few extra slices of bacon, Kolynych took matters into her own hands. Kolynych chased the boy into the yard and forced him to the ground, while beating him about the arms and legs and spraying him full in the face with a garden hose.
You Don't Think This Kid Deserves It? Maybe Just A Little?
Although the boy was not seriously harmed during the pre-lunch assault, and will certainly think twice in the future before snatching an extra piece of breakfast meat, Kolynych was arrested the following day. She is now free on bail.
We Get Waterboarding And Wakeboarding Mixed Up. Which Is The Fun One Again?
Activists on both sides of this issue are studying Kolynych’s ordeal with great interest. Some agree with the prosecution that the Guantanamo Granny’s actions constitute abuse, and hope that Kolynych will receive a fitting punishment. However, many others feel that American parents are slowly losing the right to discipline their own children.
Promethean Times agrees with these beleaguered parents. Is it not enough that we can no longer use waterboarding techniques to extract recipes and childhood memories from the Evil Ones? Not content to stop there, the courts now see fit to strip this age-old right from parents.
Even Amnesty International Doesn't Have A Problem With Waterboarding If Your Child Is A Ginger.
Promethean Times 
Bacon is evil. I like meat- including pork- but bacon is nothing more than crispy salty grease. Clogs the arteries too.
Parents and grandparents should be able to have some authority over miscreant rugrats, otherwise as we are seeing far too much in today’s society, the inmates run the asylum. I remember when it was perfectly acceptable for your mother to drag you out of church by the hair and beat you senseless on the steps. My mother was a good Catholic mother. If you missed a beat during the Catholic calesthenics during Mass, Mom would drag your sorry carcass outside and beat you like the nuns beat her when she was in school. Kids had the fear of adults back then. You towed the line and thanked God that your parents remembered to feed you a few times a week. Now the kids whine and cry (like my son tried to when he was in his early teens) that they’re being “abused” because you cut off their pay-per-view and refuse to buy them a big screen TV.
If it doesn’t leave them bleeding, or with broken bones or brain damage, I say the punishment is fair game.