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advertising, Canada, Christianity, coffee, coffee culture, Columbia, culture, Guatemala, It City, Ivory Coast, King County, Lewis County, Mexico, Pierce County, places that suck, poseur, Seattle, Seattle's Best Coffee, Smaktakula's vendetta against Lewis County, Snohomish County, Starbucks, T-Town Forever, Thurston County, Uganda, United States of America, urine, Vietnam, Washington, you suck so bad Lewis County so so bad
By Smaktakula
But Not As Much As Seattle ♥s Itself.
No American city is more closely associated with coffee and coffee culture than is snobbish Seattle, Washington. From the Emerald City’s brief turn as America’s self-obsessed ‘It City’ in the 1990s, certain aspects of the Seattle phenomenon persist into modern times. Of these, perhaps none is so undeserved as Seattle’s reputation as a coffee Mecca. The practically-Canadian city is thousands of miles from the nearest coffee crop.
Much Like, Say, Christianity Or South-East Asia, Coffee Has A Distinctive, Important Culture.
This delusion manifests itself in the cancer-like proliferation of Starbucks, and in the tellingly-named Seattle’s Best Coffee. The city has seized upon an advertising vacuum created by the marketing unsuitability of actual coffee-producing countries. After all, most Americans aren’t aware that Uganda, Ivory Coast or Guatemala even exit. Vietnam is out, having achieved the rare distinction of beating the US in a war. Likewise, the slogan “Columbia’s Best,” would undoubtedly infringe upon trademarks already owned jointly by various cocaine cartels. And of course, advertising Mexican-grown coffee is a non-starter, largely because Americans are already up to their eyeballs in unscheduled Mexican imports.
Ewwww. You're Gonna Wash Those First, Right?
For Reals: Promethean Times ♥s Seattle
Promethean Times 
Hmm, what American city should have the distinction of being the go-to place for coffee? Almost everyone here in beautiful Columbus, OH drinks coffee, but you don’t see anyone claiming we have the best coffee. Maybe it’s because (unlike most urban areas) we are completely surrounded by rural swampland and a populace that reminds one of Deliverance- only without the mountains, banjos or canoes.
Still, with the right marketing it could work. Cowtown’s Best? Why not?
Sure. Columbus has as much right to it as Seattle. More, perhaps–the capital of Ohio at least shares a name origin with a coffee-producing country.
I hear that Lewis County has recently been experiencing a dearth in yak urine, reaching as far as Laos to replenish stores of their beloved beverage.
Very true. But the resourceful folks of Lewis County will sometimes substitute hog urine in a pinch.