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Category Archives: Prison Culture

Feud With Manson Family Now Officially A ‘Beef’

30 Monday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, Drug Culture, General Foolishness, Music, Mythology, People, Prison Culture, Relationships, Social Networking

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Tags

Abigail Folger, California, Charles Manson, Charlie, Charlie Manson is batshit crazy, comical spelling errors, Corcoran State Prison, crazy fucker, crazy people, cult leaders, Helter Skelter, Irene Folstrom, Manson Family, mass murderers, mental illness, Tate-Labianca Murders

By Smaktakula

Charles Manson: Believes He Has Been Unfairly Depicted As Some Kind Of Lunatic.

Corcoran State Prison, California:  Messianic fantasist Charles Manson is said to be upset with website Promethean Times over some material which appeared on the site.  On August 17th, Promethean Times published an article entitled Helpful Hints For Everyday Life: Family Matters, in which Manson was depicted as interpreting a message from the Beatles to mean that one of his followers, or “Family,” should prepare a sandwich for the deranged cult leader.                                   

Manson released the following statement late yesterday:                                    

People talk about Charlie Manson all the time.  They love to talk, talk, talk–and this dude with the ridiculous name ain’t no different.  But let Uncle Charlie share some wisdom with you and clear some things right up:  Charlie is like a dark sun, and his light shines on you, Baby!                                   

Man, it don’t matter how safe you think you are ’cause Charlie’s in here and you’re out there, but already my people walk among you, Piggies.                                

Smaktakula is dead!  He’s dead and doesn’t even know it yet, man!  He was dead yesterday.  He was dead before his parents met–before time began.                     

The people got to learn–they got to learn what happens when you tell lies about Charlie Manson.                               

Okay, in the first place, Charlie doesn’t even like the Beatles.  Man, I don’t know how many times . . .                                    

(Edited for length)                                    

This is the second instance in which Promethean Times and the Manson Family have crossed paths.  The first, an insipid joke juxtaposing Manson Family victim Abigail Folger with Tiger Woods’ former girlfriend Irene Folstrom, is considered something of a nonincident.  The vast majority of Promethean Times readers either missed the joke or didn’t get it.  The 5 readers who got it were in complete accord, finding it hugely unfunny.                         

We Suggest Charlie Carve This Into His Forehead.

From his the security of his vast and well-appointed estate somewhere in North America, Smaktakula said:                                   

We were notified of Mr. Manson’s threats earlier this afternoon by officials at Corcoran.  Smaktakula and the Promethean Times’ staff want to let our readers know that we refused to dignify the spittle-flecked ravings of a sun-starved old man whose formerly shocking excesses have been rendered prosaic by the increasing horrors of the ensuing four decades.                                 

These threats are more pathetic than frightening.  Mr. Manson’s ominous tales about the legions of fanatical acolytes waiting on the master’s word to rise up and begin the great killing are somewhat dubious, when after forty years he still he can’t spell ‘Helter Skelter’ correctly.  That’s right Charlie–it’s got no A in it.  The excess was no doubt due to you already being a complete A-Hole.                       

So, while we are certainly flattered by the attention, we doubt that any morrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr           

death to piggies

healter skelter

                     

goddamnit…still….spelling…it…wro

…
Tell Facebook To Bring You A Sandwich

Sweet Lady Meg

05 Thursday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, National Events, Prison Culture

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

a date with Margaret, cheap thrills, dancing with Meg, druggies, drugs, drugs you didn't know were drugs, hallucinogens, hopheads, huffing, inhalants, instant gratification, legal drugs, Margaret, marijuana, Meg, megheads, nutmeg, psychoactive drugs, Robitoastin', Robitussin DM, spice rack highs, stoners, sweet lady meg, The Autobiography of Malcolm X, the Spice, trippin' balls, tripping, wastrels

By Smaktakula

In years past, degenerate types seeking a new high would have to work for it.  Forced either to rely on the often-dubious advice of older siblings or else trust their luck to trial and error, this avenue of experimentation was open only to the most jaded wastrel.             

Moreover, these methods also helped to maintain society’s delicate equilibrium, relying upon natural selection to thin out the ranks of these cognonauts.  A great many burnouts had to suffer exquisitely painful deaths before one finally stuck his tongue to the correct toad.

The Toad's Conundrum: Are You Tripping Balls Or Dying Horribly From Neurotoxic Shock?

Thanks to the pernicious influence of the Internet, even good kids can fall victim to the allure of instant gratification and readily attainable thrills.  Much has been made of huffing, and the deadly highs which beckon from the colorful bottles under the sink.                

But while America’s attention is diverted by the lurid dangers of Pine-Sol, who’s watching the spice rack?               

The Brown Lady: The Love She Offers Is Only An Illusion; Her Heart Is Black And Full Of Nutmeg.

Thanks to the ubiquity of instant media, today’s would-be druggie is no longer likely to be a college sophomore reading  The Autobiography of Malcom X the first time he discovers the hidden threat in every home.  Nutmeg is an hallucinogen.              

Sometimes referred to as ‘the Spice,’ ‘Margaret,’ ‘Sweet Lady Meg,’ or just ‘Meg,’ nutmeg can induce hallucinations if taken in sufficient quantities.  However, most law enforcement organizations don’t consider it much of a threat, citing its  low-energy, long-delayed high, and noting that Meg’s effects are best experienced in conjunction with other psychoactive drugs, such as marijuana. 

“Plus,” says ‘Eric,’ a sixteen-year old Meghead, “It tastes like ass.”              

0.2 Oz Indonesian Fine. Street Value: $3.65

Despite nutmeg’s relatively low popularity as a recreational drug, some parents feel it puts at risk America’s most vulnerable children: those too incompetent or lazy to shoplift a bottle of Robitussin DM from Rite-Aid.

Actor Jeffrey Jones’ Interest In Underage Boys Is Touching

01 Thursday Jul 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, Culture, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Justice, National Events, People, Prison Culture, Relationships, Scandal

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

catamite, childish sexual innuendo, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, How High, Howard The Duck, Jeffrey Jones, modern classics, Mom and Dad Save the World, obscure celebrities, pederast, pervert, registered sex offender, short eyes, you got a real purty mouth

Actor and pederast Jeffrey Jones, featured in such modern classics as Howard the Duck and How High, has once again run afoul of the law.  Apparently, the in-demand actor has been so busy learning his lines, he sometimes forgets that he’s a voracious short eyes, constantly on the prowl for his next catamite.  This aberrant compulsion makes the talented thespian a very real danger to the community, and as such, Jones must register as a sex offender wherever he goes.     

Jones has now twice failed to do that.          

Is There A Single Detail About This Man That DOESN'T Scream "Run Away?"

Wanna Be In ‘Mom And Dad Save The World 2?’: ‘Ferris Bueller’ actor faces felony charge in LA.     

Smaktakula

Begin the healing by telling Facebook all about it

It’s April 15th–Don’t Forget To Pay The Man

15 Thursday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, Culture, General Foolishness, Humor, Movies, National Events, Politics, Prison Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

April 15th, audits, bully, bullying, Deliverance, Eeeeeeee!, income tax, Internal Revenue Service, IRS, Ned Beatty, squeal like a pig, Tax Day, you got a real purty mouth

This Man's Tax Rate Makes Him Squeal

Female Prison Guards Often Behind Sex Misconduct

18 Thursday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, General Foolishness, Justice, Prison Culture, Relationships, Scandal

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

ACLU, chutzpah, don't drop the soap, female prison guards, Fox news, magnificent bastard, Michael Murphy, Montana State Prison, prison sex, sex in prison, sex with inmates, sex with prisoners, sexual misconduct, shower assault, you got a real purty mouth

You came for the headline, stay for the article.

This piece from Fox News is somewhat counterintuitive in that it alleges that female guards commit more sex acts with male inmates than do male guards with female inmates.

I know, right?

Perhaps even more compelling is the story of Michael Murphy, the Montana inmate who had sex with at least five prison employees, including his therapist.  Murphy told the ACLU that he had been sexually assaulted by the five women, demonstrating a phenomenal level of chutzpah in addition to his undeniable sexual magnetism. 

Promethean Times salutes Michael Murphy.  God speed, you magnificent bastard!

Michael Murphy (Artist's Conception)

Apparently Prison Sex Isn’t All About Getting Raped In The Shower: Female Prison Guards Often Behind Sex Misconduct – Local News Articles | National News | US News – FOXNews.com

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