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Tag Archives: sweet lady meg

Headlines 03.06.12

06 Tuesday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Cinema, Culture, Entertainment, Music, News, Politics, Stupidity

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

1906 San Francisco Earthquake, boobs, breastuses, Celebrity Death Watch, date rape, Dave Mustaine, death by old age, divorce, Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does., Drew Barrymore, drugs, dyslexia, Eddie Murphy, fat people, France, has-beens, headlines, heroin, hos, Lady Gaga, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, little people, LSD, Lybia, lycergic acid diethylamide. LSD not LDS which is something very different, Megadeth, moobs, poor judgement, pop biology, prostitution, Rick Santorum, Shakira, short people, skanks, Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French, Smaktakula's distrust of short people, stalkers, Star Trek, sweet lady meg, the French, Trekkies, trippin' balls, TSA, Where Are They Now?, Why am I so fat?, Why am I so lonely?, Why am I so stupid?, women of easy virtue

By Smaktakula

Oh, Man! If We Had A Dime For Every Time This Has Happened.

In which we opine upon the headlines of the day without first reading the articles.

***

Megadeth’s Dave Mustaine backs Rick Santorum ~ See Kids? A bacchanalian life of drug-fueled debauchery is not without its consequences. Although the pernicious effects of addiction upon the family structure are well-documented and widely known, critical-thinking skills and good judgement are additional casualties.

The Upside of Dyslexia ~ There is no dog-bamn u9sibe!

‘Star Trek’ Divorce: Fan Forced To Leave Spaceship Digs ~ He should take some consolation in the fact that as someone who has, however briefly, known the carnal delights of female affection, he’s relatively unique among Trekkies.

Don’t worry, Eddie Murphy lives ~ We weren’t worried. Were you?

Libyan militia accused of torturing to death ambassador to France ~ The ambassador repeatedly cried out “Mercy,” which as you know means ‘thank you’ in French, so in a way he was asking for it.

When It Comes To Holding A Grudge, Smaktakula Does Not Fuck Around.

Story: Woman stalked for 17 years: ‘I don’t think it’s over’ ~ Really? After nearly two decades, you don’t think he’s ready to move on?

Miracle baby born from a single sperm ~ Although we were inattentive (at best) in biology class, our understanding is that barring a multiple birth, the formula is 1 sperm +1 egg = 1 very expensive, back-talking pet.

Rising NBA star sleeps on sofa ~ That’s where a lot of former NBA stars sleep as well.

OUTRAGE: TEEN PERP INVOLVED IN NEAR-FATAL SHOPPING CART PUSH MAY WALK ~ Would you people rather have him go through life a cripple? Not Promethean Times. We believe in you, Teen Perp!

So Very Brave.

“Help! I hate my husband.” ~ It sounds like you’re doing just fine, and don’t need our help despising your spouse.

One-Night Stand or Rape? ~ If you can’t satisfactorily answer that question on your own, maybe you shouldn’t drink so much.

Shakira saved from sea lion ~ How many times do we have to tell you?–Nature does not have your best interests at heart.

Gaga’s scent smells like expensive hookers ~ We prefer the delightful bouquet of burned crack infused with fear-sweat and just a hint of urine that distinguishes so many of today’s down-market hos.

Her Designer Fragrance Is Called ‘As Dead I Well May Be.’

Evidence: Hitler had love child ~ ‘Love’ child doesn’t really work in the same sentence as ‘Hitler.’ We know it’s not particularly politically correct, but if there’s ever a time to bring back ‘bastard,’ this is it.

Really? The Claim: Excess Weight Raises the Risk of Acne ~ Because it’s that zit on your nose that’s keeping you home on Saturday nights, man-tits.

Style icon dies at fashion show ~ How gauche!

Police: Mom gave kids heroin ~ Kids today don’t know how nice they have it. We considered ourselves lucky if Mom gave us a nutmeg & codeine-syrup cocktail and told us to ‘Fuck off for a few hours,’ so she and Uncle Whatshisname could have some privacy.

O’Donnell & Handler offend little people ~ Yeah, but who cares what the little people think?

Making People Short Is God’s Way Of Letting Us Know They Don’t Matter.

San Fran earthquake survivor dies at 109 ~ When you take into account that the Great Quake was in 1906, it’s tragic how long that guy suffered.

Is Drew Barrymore Expecting? ~ Expecting what? We figure if that chick were fertile, she’d have been knocked up years ago.

TSA agent turns mother’s boobs into tourist attraction ~ We visited. Truly a land of milk & honey.

Ohio victim’s brother: ‘Lost my best friend’ ~ And his brother got killed–talk about a shitty day!

Cocktail of Popular Drugs May Cloud Brain ~ Wait–intoxication is a possible side-effect of consuming drugs? The devil you say!

I Was Only Dropping Acid To Restore My Ph Balance, And Had No Clue That I’d Be Trippin’ Balls. I’m A Gazebo, By The Way.

***

More Current Events Irresponsibility:

  • Promethean Times Responds To The Headlines
  • Headlines II
  • Headlines III
  • Headlines IV
  • Headlines V
  • Headlines VI
  • Headlines VII
  • Headlines VIII
  • Headlines IX
  • Headlines X
  • Headlines XI
  • Headlines XII
  • Headlines XIII

The Elderly Are Right About One Thing At Least: Kids Today Have It Too Damn Easy

21 Tuesday Feb 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, History, Stupidity

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

cocaine, dope, drugs, grass, hemp, Kentucky, kids today, Lindsay Lohan, LSD, lycergic acid diethylamide. LSD not LDS which is something very different, marijuana, Mexico, nutmeg, PCP, Piggly Wiggly, places that suck, pot, Reddi-Wip, reefer, Somalia, Special K, spice rack highs, sweet lady meg, sweet sweet cheeba, weed, whippets

By Smaktakula

The Old Days Sucked. The Only Two Pleasures In Og's Wretched Existence Were Warm Bearcat Stew And, Apparently, Humping A Bag Lady.

One of the universal cornerstones of adulthood is the opportunity to bitch vociferously among the members of one’s own generation about how easy kids have it today. That every generation since the dawn of history has engaged in comparing the young unfavorably to itself might be viewed simply as exaggerated flights of reminiscence into the misty days of an idealized youth. However, one has only to note the tremendous progress and scientific innovation of our species, which has pushed back the thick crust of suck that once covered the earth entirely, but is now puddled around the globe in places like Mexico, Somalia or Kentucky. Indoor plumbing, the internet and fake boobs, among other technological marvels, have made the lives of each subsequent generation better than that which preceded it When an older generation complains about how good the ‘kids today’ have it, they’re usually right.

Yeah, But For Most Of Us It's Gotten Better. You Hang In There!

Nowhere is this more true than in the realm of illicit drugs. Despite their official prohibition, drugs have become increasingly available since the 1960s. In the ensuing five decades, LSD has come and gone and come again several times and Quaaludes® have disappeared entirely, but the availability of intoxicants, bolstered by new or newly rediscovered drugs like ketamine, PCP and methamphetamine, has only increased. Moreover, several states have legalized marijuana.¹ And for those who, despite the pharmacopoeia readily available to the young and old alike, are somehow unable to find anything else, spice rack highs like nutmeg² are as close as your local Piggly Wiggly.

They Didn't Always Come Boxed Or In Flavors. Back In Our Day, Going To The Supermarket For Whippets Meant That Your Buddy Kept A Lookout While You Sucked Down Reddi-Wip Like Lindsay Lohan On A Coke-Flavored Dick.

¹Marijuana has been legalized in these states for medical patients only. You must have a valid medical condition, such as a tummy ache, before getting a prescription for the sweet, sweet cheeba. ∞ T.
²For reals–in sufficient quantities, nutmeg is an hallucinogen. Equally for reals–stay as far away from Lady Meg as you can, for she is wicked and cruel. Trust us on this one, kids. ∞ T.

Meg: A Clear And Present Danger To The Golden State

09 Thursday Sep 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Health, People, Places

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

acid, California, drugs, Golden State, hallucinogens, LSD, marijuana legalization, Meg, Meg 2010, Meg Griffin, reefer, spice rack highs, sweet lady meg, sweet sweet cheeba, the Spice, weed

By Smaktakula

When Promethean Times first commented on the phenomenon of kids using nutmeg as a recreational hallucinogen (see Sweet Lady Meg), we believed–perhaps foolishly–that these were isolated incidents, and that the so-called ‘nutmeg epidemic’ would evaporate, as with Jenkem or the choking game.  It appears we were wrong.

Just as psychedelic art celebrated the mindspike chromaticism of LSD and reefer’s mellow high in the late 1960s, today’s nutmeg subculture is working hard to get more users on the Spice.  California has been particularly hard hit by this pernicious scourge.

California Will Say No To Pot, But Yes To Meg.

Sweet Lady Meg

05 Thursday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, National Events, Prison Culture

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

a date with Margaret, cheap thrills, dancing with Meg, druggies, drugs, drugs you didn't know were drugs, hallucinogens, hopheads, huffing, inhalants, instant gratification, legal drugs, Margaret, marijuana, Meg, megheads, nutmeg, psychoactive drugs, Robitoastin', Robitussin DM, spice rack highs, stoners, sweet lady meg, The Autobiography of Malcolm X, the Spice, trippin' balls, tripping, wastrels

By Smaktakula

In years past, degenerate types seeking a new high would have to work for it.  Forced either to rely on the often-dubious advice of older siblings or else trust their luck to trial and error, this avenue of experimentation was open only to the most jaded wastrel.             

Moreover, these methods also helped to maintain society’s delicate equilibrium, relying upon natural selection to thin out the ranks of these cognonauts.  A great many burnouts had to suffer exquisitely painful deaths before one finally stuck his tongue to the correct toad.

The Toad's Conundrum: Are You Tripping Balls Or Dying Horribly From Neurotoxic Shock?

Thanks to the pernicious influence of the Internet, even good kids can fall victim to the allure of instant gratification and readily attainable thrills.  Much has been made of huffing, and the deadly highs which beckon from the colorful bottles under the sink.                

But while America’s attention is diverted by the lurid dangers of Pine-Sol, who’s watching the spice rack?               

The Brown Lady: The Love She Offers Is Only An Illusion; Her Heart Is Black And Full Of Nutmeg.

Thanks to the ubiquity of instant media, today’s would-be druggie is no longer likely to be a college sophomore reading  The Autobiography of Malcom X the first time he discovers the hidden threat in every home.  Nutmeg is an hallucinogen.              

Sometimes referred to as ‘the Spice,’ ‘Margaret,’ ‘Sweet Lady Meg,’ or just ‘Meg,’ nutmeg can induce hallucinations if taken in sufficient quantities.  However, most law enforcement organizations don’t consider it much of a threat, citing its  low-energy, long-delayed high, and noting that Meg’s effects are best experienced in conjunction with other psychoactive drugs, such as marijuana. 

“Plus,” says ‘Eric,’ a sixteen-year old Meghead, “It tastes like ass.”              

0.2 Oz Indonesian Fine. Street Value: $3.65

Despite nutmeg’s relatively low popularity as a recreational drug, some parents feel it puts at risk America’s most vulnerable children: those too incompetent or lazy to shoplift a bottle of Robitussin DM from Rite-Aid.

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