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Tag Archives: comical spelling errors

Feud With Manson Family Now Officially A ‘Beef’

30 Monday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, Drug Culture, General Foolishness, Music, Mythology, People, Prison Culture, Relationships, Social Networking

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Abigail Folger, California, Charles Manson, Charlie, Charlie Manson is batshit crazy, comical spelling errors, Corcoran State Prison, crazy fucker, crazy people, cult leaders, Helter Skelter, Irene Folstrom, Manson Family, mass murderers, mental illness, Tate-Labianca Murders

By Smaktakula

Charles Manson: Believes He Has Been Unfairly Depicted As Some Kind Of Lunatic.

Corcoran State Prison, California:  Messianic fantasist Charles Manson is said to be upset with website Promethean Times over some material which appeared on the site.  On August 17th, Promethean Times published an article entitled Helpful Hints For Everyday Life: Family Matters, in which Manson was depicted as interpreting a message from the Beatles to mean that one of his followers, or “Family,” should prepare a sandwich for the deranged cult leader.                                   

Manson released the following statement late yesterday:                                    

People talk about Charlie Manson all the time.  They love to talk, talk, talk–and this dude with the ridiculous name ain’t no different.  But let Uncle Charlie share some wisdom with you and clear some things right up:  Charlie is like a dark sun, and his light shines on you, Baby!                                   

Man, it don’t matter how safe you think you are ’cause Charlie’s in here and you’re out there, but already my people walk among you, Piggies.                                

Smaktakula is dead!  He’s dead and doesn’t even know it yet, man!  He was dead yesterday.  He was dead before his parents met–before time began.                     

The people got to learn–they got to learn what happens when you tell lies about Charlie Manson.                               

Okay, in the first place, Charlie doesn’t even like the Beatles.  Man, I don’t know how many times . . .                                    

(Edited for length)                                    

This is the second instance in which Promethean Times and the Manson Family have crossed paths.  The first, an insipid joke juxtaposing Manson Family victim Abigail Folger with Tiger Woods’ former girlfriend Irene Folstrom, is considered something of a nonincident.  The vast majority of Promethean Times readers either missed the joke or didn’t get it.  The 5 readers who got it were in complete accord, finding it hugely unfunny.                         

We Suggest Charlie Carve This Into His Forehead.

From his the security of his vast and well-appointed estate somewhere in North America, Smaktakula said:                                   

We were notified of Mr. Manson’s threats earlier this afternoon by officials at Corcoran.  Smaktakula and the Promethean Times’ staff want to let our readers know that we refused to dignify the spittle-flecked ravings of a sun-starved old man whose formerly shocking excesses have been rendered prosaic by the increasing horrors of the ensuing four decades.                                 

These threats are more pathetic than frightening.  Mr. Manson’s ominous tales about the legions of fanatical acolytes waiting on the master’s word to rise up and begin the great killing are somewhat dubious, when after forty years he still he can’t spell ‘Helter Skelter’ correctly.  That’s right Charlie–it’s got no A in it.  The excess was no doubt due to you already being a complete A-Hole.                       

So, while we are certainly flattered by the attention, we doubt that any morrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr           

death to piggies

healter skelter

                     

goddamnit…still….spelling…it…wro

…
Tell Facebook To Bring You A Sandwich

Not What You Were Looking For? Episode Three: The Search For Cock

09 Monday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Baseball, Crime, Critters, Culture, Drug Culture, General Foolishness, Music, People, Race, Sports, World Affairs

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

19th Century French Literature, bovine-on-human violence, Cat in the Hat, CDSA, childish sexual innuendo, China, cock, CockBlog, comical despots, comical spelling errors, Confessions of an America-Hating Man-Jezebel, craptastic eatery, curs, Donkey Kong, douchebaggery, dreadlocks, drugs, Duke, even Jesus thinks Fred Phelps sucks, fat people, female anatomy, Freddie Mercury, Fugeeman, George Sherrill, happy thoughts, hot and cold running chicks, Irene Folstrom, Islam, Jay Bush, Jean Valjean, Jean-Bertrand Aristide, K2, Les Miserables, madness, marijuana, Mauritanian Meat-Sword, Michael Lohan, Michael Lohan is a turd with eyes, Miley Cyrus, not what you were looking for?, old people, Olive Garden, Pakistan, pastaphilia, Pauly Shore, penis, penis-based racism, people of size, phallophilia, poor spelling, racism, rastaphilia, rave culture, Reverend Fred Phelps, Ruminations of a Junkie for Politics, senior citizens, sexy nurses, skankery, skankism, Smaktakula is aware that 'penises' is the accepted plural but if it's good enough for Steinbeck it's good enough for you, Smaktakula's troubling insecurity, Soylent Green, sweet sweet cheeba, the knacker, treachery, Turkish Tool, unctuous pimp, vagina, Victor Hugo, violence, virile He-Man, waddling grotesquery, Walt Stoelting, weed, Why am I so fat?, Wyclef Jean, your mother must be very proud

By Smaktakula

Presenting the third installment in our wildly popular series: Not What You Were Looking For?  In which we list some of the search engine terms (indicated in bold) by which you found us, and for which you should rightly be ashamed. 

You might also enjoy Still Not What You Were Looking For?  Conversely, you might really dislike it.  It’s not for us to decide.

promeethean times  And wee’re off!

cock riders  The preferred term is Weekend Motorcycle Club.

unemployment lazy   Yeah, folks weren’t too crazy about that one.

skankist  You’ll want to keep your eye out for our upcoming multi-part expose on skankism, ‘Skanks In The Crosshairs,” appearing some time in the next few weeks.  In the meantime, please enjoy.

sexy dick in mouth non  Oui!

obama rethinking marijuana  Will he rethink that rap video?

be glad you’re not that guy   Oh, we are.

sexy man spaghetti  Um.

anti george sherrill  You’ll find a home here, friend.

jay bush bean prison  If he’s not on the lookout for canine chicanery, Jay Bush might very well end his days in a Mexican jail.  And for Duke, the glue factory.

athretes  Their parents taste rearry, rearry good.

michael lohan cock  Isn’t he though?

fred phelps secret  The secret is that he’s a raging homo.

fat people running  Hmm, there’s something about this . . .

children running of the bulls spain   . . . and this, that gives Smaktakula hope that with some creative thinking, America might someday lick its little obesity problem. 

donkey cock   Are we naive to believe that you’re an early Eighties video game enthusiast with comically poor spelling?

walt stoelting blog  Sorry, Comrade–You’re thinking of Walt’s blog, Ruminations of a Junkie for Politics, or as we call it around here, Confessions of an America-Hating Man-Jezebel.

wyclef jean val jean bernard aristide  Oh, very clever.  We see what you did, combining future and former Haitian presidents Wyclef Jean and Jean Bernard Aristide with Jean Valjean, the doomed protagonist of Victor Hugo’s 19th Century French masterpiece, Les Miserables.  Actually, that is pretty clever.  And pointless.

pauly shore weed  It would explain a lot.

safe horse fuck movies  We know what all four of those words mean, but they don’t seem to work as a quartet.

miley cyrus delusional  Totally.

abigail folger  Isn’t she the young lady Tiger banged as an undergraduate at Stanford?

olive garden people   They’re not people.  THE FOOD IS PEOPLE! Oh, wait–no, sorry; the food is crap.  We were thinking of Soylent Green.

the violence and madness of arab muslim  Sounds like you’ve got your title all picked out.  We can’t help you.

nurses with dreadlocks Uh huh.  Good . . . very good.  Okay, now tell us what they’re wearing.  TELL US WHAT THEY’RE WEARING!

beautiful dreadlock guy  He’s not blond, we can tell you that much.

pakistani penis  Unfortunately, we’re out of that particular link.  How about some Turkish Tool?  No?  Mauritanian Meat-Sword?

elderly remote  Old people should not be allowed to handle the remote. 

penis in bosses mouth   Shh. Hush now, Boss.  Smaktakula isn’t paying you to talk.

dirty mullet  Is there any other kind?

happy thoughts  Happy to oblige! 

drugged raver  Fish in a barrel, man.  Fish in a barrel.

lorena bobbit and bull penis  We’re unclear as to what you hoped to find.  No, that’s quite all right–we don’t need to understand.

live aid  Damn it, Freddie Mercury, we hope you die! . . .What?  He did?  How? . . . Oh . . . Oh God, no. Why doesn’t anybody tell us about these things?  We’re so, so sorry.

asshole hairstyles   So do you mean . . .?  No, we’re sure you mean hairstyles that make you look like an asshole.  Pretty sure.

k2 inhalants  Thanks to Chinese technological know-how and the can-do spirit of the sweatshop, stoners now have a legal chemical alternative by which to get their fix.

black man cock  Really?  In 2010?  Promethean Times doesn’t judge a man by the color of his penis.  We do judge by length and thickness, however.  You have been warned.

vagina  Okay, this one’s a fake.   It’s just that all the Promethean penii make Smaktakula a tad insecure, and he wants to assure you he is such a virile He-Man that the all the pipes on his vast estate flow not with water, but rather with hot and cold running chicks.

Promethean Times thanks you, the lonely Internet phallophiliac, for making us America’s fastest-growing CockBlog!

Facebook Probably Isn’t Looking For Us Either. But Screw Them. Do You Sheeple Always Do What You’re Told?

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