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Tag Archives: attention-seeking celebrities

Diddy Unveils Ridiculous New Name

23 Monday May 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture, Music, Stupidity

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

attention-seeking celebrities, cannabis, Diddy, dope, hemp, hip-hop, jackassery, karaoke, marijuana, mogul, multinominal, overpaid performers, P. Diddy, pot, Puff Daddy, Puffy, reefer, ridiculous names, Schwag, Sean Combs, Squiggy, Swag, sweet sweet cheeba, swiggy, unfortunately-named celebrities, untalented stars, weed

By Smaktakula
P. Diddy pops his collar

"Don't Ever Be Afraid To Let Your Ego Write Checks Your Talent Can't Pay."

Surprisingly, the public is still paying attention to the tiresome karaoke enthusiast (most recently) formerly known as Diddy.  Having followed the minimally-talented showboat through such ridiculous incarnations as ‘Puffy,’ Puff Daddy and P. Diddy, the performer’s surprisingly resilient fan base has demonstrated time and time again an admirable knack for putting up with exquisite jackassery.

This Guy Is Similarly Talented To Swag--He's A Decent Singer, And Once Knew A Big Fat Black Guy Who Liked To Rap.

That resilience is called upon once more as the multinominal mogul satisfies his rapacious and now-comical ego by sucking marrow from the bones of his waning credibility.   In honor of himself, the ex-Diddy has demanded that for the next week he be called by his exciting temporary name: Swag.

No, 'Swag'--Not 'Schwag.'

However, a cadre of techno-savvy fans believe they have solved Swag’s naming algorithm, and can predict the mercurial performer’s next incarnation.  These super-fans are already referring to Swag by his presumed next nom de hip-hop–Swiggy.

"Up Your Nose With A Rubber Hose."

We think he should go for a name that rhymes with ‘Swag’–We’ve got a good one ∞T.

Does It Smell Like Skank In Here?

04 Tuesday Jan 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

alliteration, America's dulled cultural palate, attention-seeking celebrities, beautiful women, callipygian women, embarrassing behavior, eponymous product names, it means she's got a nice ass, Katy Perry, Katy Perry's Purr, Kim Kardashian, musky vapors, people who like crap, perfume, sexpots, signature scent, skankery, skanks, Target, the Armenian community at large must be so proud, the Kardashian funk, things stoned people might purchase, unrefined tastes, useless human beings, Wal-Mart

By Smaktakula

Callipygian sexpot Kim Kardashian unveiled her long-awaited signature scent to an eager public last January.  That the ambulatory pair of buttocks would seek to profit from her musky vapors is neither surprising nor particularly blameworthy; that America’s dulled cultural palate has allowed KK to stink up the aisles of Wal-Mart and Target stores nationwide eleven months later is.

Considering The Product's Demographic, It's Most Likely Aimed At Classy Lassies With Expansive Chassis.

As readers of Promethean Times already know, Kardashian is the ninth most beautiful woman in the world.  It is likely for this reason, and not because of the perfume’s quality, that Kardashian’s pungent secretion is so highly prized.

Katy Perry, thought to be the world’s most beautiful woman, has her own signature scent, Purr.  People who like that kind of crap call it “a bewitchingly bold aroma, infused with the twin scents of desperate tears and moist muppet fur.”

Why doesn’t Kim throw an extra ‘K’ word onto ‘Kim Kardashian’ to give the perfume’s name a further level of alliteration–say, ‘Kim Kardashian Kologne?’
Oh, right–Good catch.

Eine Kleine Snatchmusik

12 Thursday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Art, Critters, Culture, Drug Culture, General Foolishness, Music, People, Social Networking

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

apologies to Mozart, attention-seeking celebrities, childish sexual innuendo, creativity, fecundity, human lava lamp, Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga's very talented vagina, Lady Minge, Lady Vajayjay, Polk High School JV Water Polo's very good day, Seriously? Do you even listen to the words coming out of your mouth?, servants' entrance, snatch, vagina, Vanity Fair, Vanity Fair is the Enquirer for college educated assholes

By Smaktakula

Lady Gaga, the intermittently interesting humanoid lava lamp, reveals to Vanity Fair the fecund loam from which, flower-like, her creativity springs.

“I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone, they’re going to take my creativity from me through my vagina.”

"Which Is Why I Must Insist That My Gentleman Callers Kindly Use The Servants' Entrance."

This just in: Polk High School JV Water Polo team writes, composes and performs Grammy-nominated rock opera.

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