1960s, Barbara Eden, Colonel Tony Nelson, gay people, genie, I Dream Of Jeannie, Larry Hagman, missed opportunities, poor judgement, ridiculous genie pants, sexual harassment, sexual hijinks, situation comedies, television shows, US Air Force, US Navy, Why am I so stupid?
Whereas: Col. Tony Nelson is an unmarried career officer in the United States Air Force,
Whereas: Col. Nelson is in possession of a genie,
Whereas: The genie is female,
Whereas: The genie is hot,
Whereas: The genie is willing–eager, even–to fulfill the Colonel’s wildest fantasies, including but not limited to endless wealth and power, or sexual escapades undreamed by the most satyric libertine,
Whereas: Col. Nelson not only fails to capitalize on his own good fortune, but actively discourages the use of the genie’s abilities, thereby eliminating her as a resource for others,
Resolved: Col. Nelson demonstrates a staggering lack of judgement and/or heightened levels of homosexuality unsuitable for the 1960’s US Air Force. Recommend termination, or at the very least expulsion from the USAF. Genie is to be given to a Naval Officer, who have long and proud histories of objectifying women.