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Tag Archives: poor judgement

Helpful Hints For Everyday Life: Legal Education

13 Wednesday Jun 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Stupidity

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

Arizona, California, cops, helpful hints, Johnny Law, police officers, poor judgement, Yosemite

By Smaktakula

It Can Sometimes Be Helpful To Remember That Not Every Situation Is An Ideal Forum For Your Rapier-Keen Wit.

Sometimes, when Johnny Law pulls over an out-of-state driver for one of a variety of offenses such as speeding or gun-running, he likes to preface his presentation of the offense by professing ignorance to the legality of the issue in the arrestee’s home state. For example, “Son, I don’t know how they do things in Arizona, but hit and run is against the law in California.”*

The outcome of the encounter will largely be determined by the first words out of your mouth. It is therefore a bad idea to say, “Really? You didn’t know that striking something with your vehicle and then fleeing the scene is illegal pretty much everywhere in the world that they have laws?”

The officer will not appreciate your helpfulness.

*This profession of ignorance is the verbatim statement of a police officer in Yosemite, California.  ∞T.

Is Your Child Predisposed To Methamphetamine?

11 Monday Jun 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Stupidity

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

bad parents, crank, drugs, meth, methamphetamine, poor judgement, white trash, you got a real purty mouth

By Smaktakula

If this is your high school senior portrait, then yes, he is:

Cole And Ashley Are Quite Literally Cranking Them Out.

Earwig Tunes

10 Sunday Jun 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Entertainment, Stupidity

≈ 18 Comments

Tags

1906 San Francisco Earthquake, bad taste in movies, earwig songs, earwigs, Jim Carrey, nasty creatures, outright lies, poor judgement, unfunny comedians

By Smaktakula

How Could This Godawful Thing NOT Want To Seek Shelter Deep Within The Moist, Dark Environs Of Your Grey Matter?

Despite being one of God’s fuglier creations, the earwig is relatively harmless. Nonetheless, because it is such a nasty critter, it has earned a horrifying (but sadly apocryphal) reputation as an ear-seeking parasite which gnaws deep into soft, pink brain tissue to birth its numberless and hungry young. The victim, his brain resembling a wedge of well-aged Emmental, quickly loses even the barest trace of culture or refinement, finding himself enthralled by the latest Tom Clancy thriller and drawn like a moth a flame to retard-cinema flicks like Dumb & Dumber.

It Makes As Much Sense As Anything Else.

Some songs are like that, too. If even one of these classic tunes follows you into the workweek, we’ll know we’ve done our job.

Enjoy!

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And lastly, this musical abortion:

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Hey, you’re welcome, folks!

And since San Francisco was largely rebuilt following the cataclysmic 1906 earthquake, long before the Jefferson Airplane could devolve into the odious Starship!, we find their claims to have participated in the city’s construction to be, at best, dubious. ∞ T.

Headlines 03.06.12

06 Tuesday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Cinema, Culture, Entertainment, Music, News, Politics, Stupidity

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

1906 San Francisco Earthquake, boobs, breastuses, Celebrity Death Watch, date rape, Dave Mustaine, death by old age, divorce, Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does., Drew Barrymore, drugs, dyslexia, Eddie Murphy, fat people, France, has-beens, headlines, heroin, hos, Lady Gaga, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, little people, LSD, Lybia, lycergic acid diethylamide. LSD not LDS which is something very different, Megadeth, moobs, poor judgement, pop biology, prostitution, Rick Santorum, Shakira, short people, skanks, Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French, Smaktakula's distrust of short people, stalkers, Star Trek, sweet lady meg, the French, Trekkies, trippin' balls, TSA, Where Are They Now?, Why am I so fat?, Why am I so lonely?, Why am I so stupid?, women of easy virtue

By Smaktakula

Oh, Man! If We Had A Dime For Every Time This Has Happened.

In which we opine upon the headlines of the day without first reading the articles.

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Megadeth’s Dave Mustaine backs Rick Santorum ~ See Kids? A bacchanalian life of drug-fueled debauchery is not without its consequences. Although the pernicious effects of addiction upon the family structure are well-documented and widely known, critical-thinking skills and good judgement are additional casualties.

The Upside of Dyslexia ~ There is no dog-bamn u9sibe!

‘Star Trek’ Divorce: Fan Forced To Leave Spaceship Digs ~ He should take some consolation in the fact that as someone who has, however briefly, known the carnal delights of female affection, he’s relatively unique among Trekkies.

Don’t worry, Eddie Murphy lives ~ We weren’t worried. Were you?

Libyan militia accused of torturing to death ambassador to France ~ The ambassador repeatedly cried out “Mercy,” which as you know means ‘thank you’ in French, so in a way he was asking for it.

When It Comes To Holding A Grudge, Smaktakula Does Not Fuck Around.

Story: Woman stalked for 17 years: ‘I don’t think it’s over’ ~ Really? After nearly two decades, you don’t think he’s ready to move on?

Miracle baby born from a single sperm ~ Although we were inattentive (at best) in biology class, our understanding is that barring a multiple birth, the formula is 1 sperm +1 egg = 1 very expensive, back-talking pet.

Rising NBA star sleeps on sofa ~ That’s where a lot of former NBA stars sleep as well.

OUTRAGE: TEEN PERP INVOLVED IN NEAR-FATAL SHOPPING CART PUSH MAY WALK ~ Would you people rather have him go through life a cripple? Not Promethean Times. We believe in you, Teen Perp!

So Very Brave.

“Help! I hate my husband.” ~ It sounds like you’re doing just fine, and don’t need our help despising your spouse.

One-Night Stand or Rape? ~ If you can’t satisfactorily answer that question on your own, maybe you shouldn’t drink so much.

Shakira saved from sea lion ~ How many times do we have to tell you?–Nature does not have your best interests at heart.

Gaga’s scent smells like expensive hookers ~ We prefer the delightful bouquet of burned crack infused with fear-sweat and just a hint of urine that distinguishes so many of today’s down-market hos.

Her Designer Fragrance Is Called ‘As Dead I Well May Be.’

Evidence: Hitler had love child ~ ‘Love’ child doesn’t really work in the same sentence as ‘Hitler.’ We know it’s not particularly politically correct, but if there’s ever a time to bring back ‘bastard,’ this is it.

Really? The Claim: Excess Weight Raises the Risk of Acne ~ Because it’s that zit on your nose that’s keeping you home on Saturday nights, man-tits.

Style icon dies at fashion show ~ How gauche!

Police: Mom gave kids heroin ~ Kids today don’t know how nice they have it. We considered ourselves lucky if Mom gave us a nutmeg & codeine-syrup cocktail and told us to ‘Fuck off for a few hours,’ so she and Uncle Whatshisname could have some privacy.

O’Donnell & Handler offend little people ~ Yeah, but who cares what the little people think?

Making People Short Is God’s Way Of Letting Us Know They Don’t Matter.

San Fran earthquake survivor dies at 109 ~ When you take into account that the Great Quake was in 1906, it’s tragic how long that guy suffered.

Is Drew Barrymore Expecting? ~ Expecting what? We figure if that chick were fertile, she’d have been knocked up years ago.

TSA agent turns mother’s boobs into tourist attraction ~ We visited. Truly a land of milk & honey.

Ohio victim’s brother: ‘Lost my best friend’ ~ And his brother got killed–talk about a shitty day!

Cocktail of Popular Drugs May Cloud Brain ~ Wait–intoxication is a possible side-effect of consuming drugs? The devil you say!

I Was Only Dropping Acid To Restore My Ph Balance, And Had No Clue That I’d Be Trippin’ Balls. I’m A Gazebo, By The Way.

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More Current Events Irresponsibility:

  • Promethean Times Responds To The Headlines
  • Headlines II
  • Headlines III
  • Headlines IV
  • Headlines V
  • Headlines VI
  • Headlines VII
  • Headlines VIII
  • Headlines IX
  • Headlines X
  • Headlines XI
  • Headlines XII
  • Headlines XIII

Messing With Mother Nature

12 Monday Sep 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Stupidity

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

crocodiles, death by crocodile, foolish choices, mother nature, natural selection, poor judgement, stupid people

By Smaktakula

Do We Really Need The Sign? Why Not Let Natural Selection Do Its Thing?

Drive Safely When There’s Coke In The Trunk, Kids

05 Tuesday Jul 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in News, Stupidity

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

bad decisions, chicken, cocaine, coke, drugs, Florida, guns, idiots, multitasking, perfect storm of stupidity, police car, poor judgement, Shawn Smith, Why am I so stupid?

By Smaktakula

He's Right To Look Dejected: The Man's A Fucking Idiot.

On June 10th, 2011, a perfect storm of stupidity caught luckless moron Shawn Smith in its pitiless grasp. Smith’s troubles began when his car nearly collided with a police car, leading to a traffic stop.  The cataclysmically-retarded Floridian no doubt regrets the erratic driving caused in no small part by his failure to maintain control of his automobile while engaged in a spirited cell phone conversation and enjoying a delicious chicken dinner.  He likely also regrets the pile of cocaine and the multiple handguns which the cop subsequently found in his vehicle.

Cocaine: It Can Make You Do Stupid Shit.

World Stunned By Death Of ‘Jackass’ Jackass

21 Tuesday Jun 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, News, Stupidity

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

death by automobile, foolish choices, Jackass, jackassery, live fast die young, MTV, Philadelphia, poor judgement, Roger Ebert, Ryan Dunn, Why am I so stupid?

By Smaktakula

Live By The Sword . . . There's More, We Think, But That's All We Recall At The Moment.

Ryan Dunn, of Jackass fame, was killed early Monday morning when his Porsche collided with a tree in suburban Philadelphia.  A passenger in Dunn’s vehicle was also killed in the crash, but details on the person’s identity have been slow in coming, presumably because he or she was not a celebrity and therefore suffered a non-newsworthy death.

They Might If They Were Jackasses Themselves.

The 34-year-old star of MTV’s Jackass was best known for ridiculous and dangerous stunts, the kind which are most often accompanied by boldfaced warnings not to try this at home.  Although initial police reports indicate that the actor may have been travelling at excessive speed, those close to the reality star contend that such irresponsible and potentially life-threatening behavior would be completely out of character for Dunn.

How Jeannie Killed Lt. Colonel Nelson’s Career

21 Tuesday Jun 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

1960s, Barbara Eden, Colonel Tony Nelson, gay people, genie, I Dream Of Jeannie, Larry Hagman, missed opportunities, poor judgement, ridiculous genie pants, sexual harassment, sexual hijinks, situation comedies, television shows, US Air Force, US Navy, Why am I so stupid?

By Smaktakula

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility. In This Case, The Responsibility To Hit That With A Quickness.

Whereas:  Col. Tony Nelson is an unmarried career officer in the United States Air Force,

Whereas:  Col. Nelson is in possession of a genie,

Whereas:  The genie is female,

Whereas:  The genie is hot,

"Jeannie, I Want You . . . To Tell Me Where You Got That Veil. Girlfriend, Now Don't Be Keeping Secrets From Colonel Nelly!"

Whereas: The genie is willing–eager, even–to fulfill the Colonel’s wildest fantasies, including but not limited to endless wealth and power, or sexual escapades undreamed by the most satyric libertine,

Whereas:  Col. Nelson not only fails to capitalize on his own good fortune, but actively discourages the use of the genie’s abilities, thereby eliminating her as a resource for others,

Poor Genie. She Always Falls For The Same Kind Of Guy.

Resolved:  Col. Nelson demonstrates  a staggering lack of judgement and/or heightened levels of homosexuality unsuitable for the 1960’s US Air Force.  Recommend termination, or at the very least expulsion from the USAF.  Genie is to be given to a Naval Officer, who have long and proud histories of objectifying women.

Navy Men Sometimes Fail To Put Their Requests Through Proper Channels.

Anthony 'Tony' Nelson I Dream of Jeannie

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