• Get To Know Promethean Times!
  • Magnificent Bastards
  • Douchebags Emeritus

Promethean Times

~ A Collection of Oddities Calculated to Amuse, Enlighten and Horrify.

Promethean Times

Tag Archives: Jerry

Could You Be An Asshole? Beer

28 Tuesday Dec 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Stupidity

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Beck's, beer, beer-based jingoism, Could you be an asshole?, domestic beer, douchebaggery, Europe, European beer, European cigarettes, Fat Tire, Firestone, foreign beer, France, French, Full Sale Ale, Gauloises, Germany, Jerry, knavery, Krauts, Marshall Plan, my country's beer right or wrong, pickled pig's piss is a delicacy in Europe, pretentious beer-drinkers, skunky beer, Smaktakula's alcoholic nationalism, stinky cigarettes, the French, the French people's love of stinky things, The Hun, things which taste like ass, United States of America

By Smaktakula

Not Only Does It Taste Great, But It Keeps Your Hard-Earned Money Out Of The Hands Of Europeans. Remember, You're Not The Marshall Plan.

If you find yourself uttering the tired line, “American beer is crap,” or some similar aspersion against domestic brew,* then–like it or not–you’re an asshole, and a pretentious one at that.  While the typical mass-produced American beer tastes like pickled pig’s piss,  a number of craft and smaller-production brews are available throughout the nation.

Do You Imagine That The Krauts Drink This Swill?

Listen–everybody wants to make a good impression, but advertising your love of expensive, skunky pisswater over finely-crafted but umlaut-lacking American brews heralds your ignorance to the world.  Not only does such knavery piss off red-blooded Full Sail Ale drinkers and true-blue fans of Fat Tire, but it won’t impress the cute French girl you’re hitting on nearly as much as offering her a pack of stinky cigarettes.

Nothing Says "Culture" Like Ass-Flavored Cigarettes.

*This admonition applies to American citizens only.  We recognize that citizens of other beer-drinking countries will no doubt hold their own brews in higher esteem than those crafted in our own liberty-loving, Providence-blessed Republic.  We appreciate your loyalty to your country’s inferior product. ∞T.

Great Moments In American Diplomacy: D Day

07 Monday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Europe, History, International Relations, Justice, Military, Mythology, Politics, Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

6 June 1944, Allies, Axis, Battle of Normandy, Canada, D Day, evil shenanigans, France, Frogs, Germany, Gold, Great Moments In American Diplomacy, Jerry, Juno, Krauts, Normandy Invasion, Normandy Landing, Omaha, Operation Neptune, Operation Overlord, Sword, The Hun, United Kingdom, United States of America, Utah

June 6, 1944: On Which The Hun Is Made To Understand That His Evil Shenanigans Will No Longer Be Tolerated.

Share With Facebook

World Once Again Wary Of German Military

06 Tuesday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, History, News

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Afghan Coalition, Afghani allies, Afghanistan, corrupt Afghan despot, fictional nazis, friendly fire, Fritz, German troops, Germany, Hamid Karzai, Jerry, Krauts, Muslim, Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French, Taliban, the Boche, The Hun

By Smaktakula

The German Army doesn’t engender the same fear and respect that it did during the first half  of the 20th Century: children in Warsaw sleep soundly in their beds knowing that never again will the dreaded Wehrmacht come roaring from the west; in Amsterdam stoners and lechers alike sample the city’s many illicit delights without fearing the sound of jackboots on cobbled streets; and in Paris, Nicolas Sarkozy isn’t dusting off his nation’s official accord de capitulation just yet.

The biggest threat posed by modern Germany’s army is to its allies on the battlefield.  Recently in Afghanistan, German troops allegedly mistakenly killed several Afghani soldiers.

Rolling In His Fictional Unmarked Nazi Grave

Corrupt Afghan despot Hamid Karzai was no doubt concerned by the needless slaughter of his people, but relieved to find that none of the victims was an enemy Taliban leader with whom Karzai was secretly meeting.

In light of this unfortunate situation, coalition governments are worried about negative reaction throughout the Muslim world to the friendly-fire killing, fearing that it will jeopardize the broader coalition mission to stabilize Afghanistan.

The world waits nervously to see which faction will draw the ire of the Afghanis and the greater Muslim world: The German soldiers who committed the costly error, or the Taliban fighters whose actions necessitated the deadly battle?

Oh, Right.

LIKE Promethean Times on Facebook!

LIKE Promethean Times on Facebook!

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

The Best Of Times

  • Belgians: The World's Most Evil People
  • Incest: On The Other Hand...

Dumb Stuff We Say On Twitter:

Tweets by prometheantimes

Recent Times

  • Teachable Moments
  • The Garden-Destroying Cross-Lot Food Fight
  • My Beef With That One Guy From ‘Fast Times At Ridgemont High’
  • Shelly The Parasitic Yoko of Pervert Alley
  • Welcome To Pervert Alley
  • A Profoundly Philosophical Question
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part III
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part II
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part I
  • Headlines: In Which No Puppies Were Harmed Or Abducted
  • Profiles in Loutishness
  • Bet Your Bottom Dollar That Tomorrow
  • Mea Culpa: 55 Cent
  • Goat Mayo
  • Headlines: More News We Don’t Understand
  • The Aging Gunslinger
  • Hungarian Fone Kard
  • Fresh Socks For Homeless Walter
  • I’m An Ass, And I’m Sorry
  • Headlines: I Was A Caveman’s Love-Puppet
  • Untruth & Consequences: Debriefing
  • To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before
  • My Missing Medal
  • Promethean Times Questions Existence Of Sri Lanka
  • Headlines: Shaking And Stirred

WORD.

Adolf Hitler Afghanistan Africa anti-semitism bad parents Barack Obama Baseball bigotry Bill Clinton California Canada cannabis Celebrity Death Watch childish sexual innuendo China cocaine comical despots dope douchebaggery drugs famous for nothing fat people foolish choices fun with stereotypes gay people Germany gold digger grass headlines helpful hints hemp homosexuality hypocrisy impoverished third-world hellhole Iran Islam jackassery Japan Kim Jong-il LiLo Lindsay Lohan Los Angeles Dodgers marijuana Mexico Muammar al-Gaddafi mullets muslims North Korea outright lies places that suck pot racism reefer religious intolerance skankery skanks Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French Smaktakula's distrust of short people Smaktakula's hypocrisy can sometimes be astounding stupid people sweet sweet cheeba Tardsie's True-Ass Tales that trick never works the French this day in history treachery true meanings of holidays United Kingdom United States of America untalented stars weed Where Are They Now? Why am I so fat? Why am I so stupid? you got a real purty mouth

Promethean History

December 2025
M T W T F S S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031  
« Oct    

Search The Prometheosphere

Recent Comments

Vivek Golikeri's avatarVivek Golikeri on Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong…
Tim's avatarTim on People Actually Believe That?…
Unknown's avatarAnonymous on Commercials We Do Not Like: Me…
Dudley's avatarDudley on Diff’rent Strokes Curse…
Unknown's avatarAnonymous on Commercials We Do Not Like: Me…
Smaktakula's avatarSmaktakula on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
David's avatarDavid on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
Rackuzius's avatarRackuzius on Brilliant, Dirty Weirdo Said T…
Smaktakula's avatarSmaktakula on Teachable Moments
Yoshihiko Motaro's avatarYoshihiko Motaro on Teachable Moments
Unknown's avatarAnonymous on Words Never To Use: N****…
Alex C's avatarAlex C on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
Usman Makhdoom's avatarUsman Makhdoom on Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong…
Lary James's avatarLary James on Untruth & Consequences: Do…
Jay's avatarJay on Teachable Moments

Tardsie D. Bagg

Unknown's avatar

Smaktakula

Unknown's avatar

Networked Blogs

NetworkedBlogs
Blog:
Promethean Times
Topics:
Satire, Irreverence, Snarkery
 
Follow my blog

Blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Promethean Times
    • Join 457 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Promethean Times
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar