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Tag Archives: one-termers

The Mexican-American Conflict: A Pretty Good War

02 Monday Apr 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in History

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Arizona, California, Canada, Colorado, further instances of Canadian perfidy, Great Britain, James Knox Polk, Let us help!, manifest destiny, Mexico, muchas gracias, Nevada, one-termer by choice, one-termers, outright lies, Saddam Hussein, Saddam totally did it, Santa Anna, Somalia, Texas, there's a NEW Mexico?, treachery, United Kingdom, United States of America, Utah

By Smaktakula

Maybe You're Just Not Looking Hard Enough.

You’ve probably heard more than once that there’s no such thing as a ‘good’ war. The sentiment driving this notion is noble, and easy enough to understand: it’s hard to take any joy from a victory when even one life has been needlessly cut short. Moreover, there is also the sad legacy of war’s victims who survive the conflict only to return to shattered, empty lives.

The "Good War": Grandpa Liked WWII So Much, He's Still There.

World War II is sometimes considered a ‘good war’ in that it very literally halted the extinction of an entire people. This view necessarily tends to discount the ugly reality that the war cost the lives of just as many people and a great deal more, but was more egalitarian in that it distributed the horrors among a variety of nations. Others consider the US’s ill-fated War of 1812 among this select group of noble atrocities, because the dream of liberating Canada from her tyrannical British masters was a righteous and Heaven-sanctioned one, despite the ingratitude and surprising unhelpfulness of the Canadian people.¹

It's Just Like What Happened To Us When We Tried To Help Out In Somalia--You Try To Bring Light To A Wretched And Abject People, Only To Get Kicked In The Teeth For Your Troubles.

But the little known Mexican-American War is something everyone can get behind. Having recently acquired the Independent Republic of Texas, the United States under President James Knox Polk was looking for a little more real estate. Polk had long prized such material assets as the Napa Wine Country, Camp Pendleton Marine Base and California Adventures, so America’s 11th President–and by any estimate its most effective One-Termer–set his sights on wresting the Golden State from Mexico.²

YOINK!!!!

Polk was initially stymied in his efforts by that age-old bugbear of democratic republics, the notion that you can’t just go starting a war for no reason. But when it was determined that Mexico’s General Antonio López de Santa Anna (an early forerunner of future bad-guy, Adolf Hitler) was stockpiling Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD) in the Sonora Desert, America was left with little choice but to act.

There Came A Point At Which The US Could No Longer Tolerate General Santa Anna's Shenanigans.

Although no WMD were ever found, the story did end happily, with the Mexicans chased all the way to Tijuana by the victorious gringos, and the Stars & Stripes lofted over the golden, rolling hills of California. However, it has so often been said that ‘a lawn does not cut itself,’ and like the storied swallows of Capistrano, in a final righting of history, the descendants of those long-ago Californios have since returned to California, bringing with them a great many friends whose ancestors had previously never been north of Michoacan.

¡Gracias, Amigo! Eso Fue Muy Amable Por Tu!

¹ It can sometimes be so difficult to resist playing historical “What If?”. Can you imagine what a powerhouse US Hockey would be today if the Canadians had only been a little cooler in 1812? ∞ T.
² Although California was far and away the most worthwhile of the Mexican lands prized by the Americans, Manifest Destiny also demanded an expanse of lesser real estate comprising the modern states of Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Utah as well as parts of Texas and Colorado. ∞ T.

James K. Polk: Califacilitator

21 Monday Feb 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, History

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

11th President, California, conqueror tongue, damned if you do, Disneyland, from sea to shining sea, imperialism, Irvine, James Knox Polk, Los Angeles, manifest destiny, Mexican-American War, Mexico, Mickey Mouse, obscure historical figures, obscure political figures, one-termer by choice, one-termers, President Polk, promises, strong-arm, United States of America, Were you still using that?

By Smaktakula

"Hola, Amigos. I've Got An Offer You Won't Be Able To Refuse. Which Is Good, 'Cause I Don't Ask Twice."

Democrat James K. Polk, 11th President of the United States, is among the least-known of US Chief Executives, despite one of the most consequential presidencies in the nation’s history.  Unlike most politicians then and now, Polk kept his promises to the nation.

Polk promised the American People two things:

1)  He would serve only one term in office.

2) He would steal California from Mexico.

Polk was as good as his word, snatching California* and some lesser territory from Mexico, and then dying quietly a few months after his term in office ended.

James Knox Polk may be long-forgotten, but his image is mirrored in the smiling face of Mickey Mouse, his austere sensibilities captured in the sterile, earth-toned conformity of Irvine row-houses, his voice remembered whenever Los Angeles is pronounced LAHS ANJELUS.  James Polk may have been relegated to historical obscurity, but his light shines on.

¿Le Siguen Utilizando Esto? Our Bad.

* Technically, Mexico was paid for the “lost” territory.  So really, everything worked out.  ∞T.

You’re Still Being A Dick, Bill

10 Friday Dec 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Politics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Bill vs. Jimmy, can't you just let Jimmy win once?, Clinton > Carter, Clinton vs. Carter, dicks, Hillary Clinton, ineffectual presidents, Jimmy Carter, mean people, one-termers, President Carter, President Clinton, Slick Willy, two-term presidents

By Smaktakula

"C'Mon, Jimmy! I Said I Was Sorry! Now, What Were You Sayin'?"

"Never Mind. You'll Just Make Fun Of Me Again."

"Jimmy, I Won't, Buddy. I Want To Help."

"You Promise?"

"Hope To Die, Jimmy. Now Let's Hear It. I've Got Speaking Engagements To Get To."

"I Was Just Thinkin' That If Obama Ends Up Being A One-Termer--Which I Do Not For A Moment Hope--But If He Does, I Wonder If I Could Be The Second-Best Democrat In The Last Fifty Years?"

"That's A Good Question, Jimmy--An Important Question. But I'll Tell You Somethin', Buddy--There's Only One Person Who Can Answer That Question . . ."

"And That Person Is You."

"You Really Think So?"

"Oh, Hell Yeah, Jimmy! I Mean, If I Wanted To Know Anything About Being Number 2, I'd Ask Jimmy Carter. Don't Know Much About It Myself."

Jimmy Carter Makes Modest Headway In Ongoing Bid For Historical Relevance

31 Tuesday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Asia, Crime, History, International Relations, Justice, National Events, People, Politics, Relationships, World Affairs

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

Aijalon Gomes, Bill Clinton, Bill vs. Jimmy, comical despots, do-gooders, Euna Lee, Habitat For Humanity, historical footnote, historical footnotes, hostages freed, I just called 'em both 'LingLee.', ineffectual presidents, Jimmy Carter, Kim Jong-il, Laura Ling, North Korea, one-termers, President Carter, President Clinton, skonks, Slick Willy

By Smaktakula

Historical footnote Jimmy Carter has managed to secure the release of Aijalon Gomes from North Korea.  Gomes had been sentenced to eight years hard labor under the autocratic regime of the dying, but still comically despotic Kim Jong-il.

Showing America's Soft Underbelly To Her Enemies Didn't Do It, And Building Houses For The Needy Didn't Do It Either. Perhaps Freeing A Few Hostages Will Help Erase The Stigma Of Being An Ineffectual One-Termer.

Although Carter is unable to claim to be the first white-haired Democratic Ex-President to secure the release of American hostages in North Korea, he is proud to say that he is the first not to bang them on the plane ride home.

"One Was Named Lee And The Other Ling, But I'll Tell You What, Brother--I Was Damned If I Could Tell The Difference!"

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