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Tag Archives: do-gooders

The Candybomber: Weapons Of Mass Delight

01 Thursday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture

≈ 31 Comments

Tags

Allies, Axis, Berlin, Berlin Airlift, bravery, Candybomber, comical despots, David Hasselhoff, do-gooders, East Berlin, Gail Halvorsen, Germany, Japan, Josef Stalin, Mormons, ne'er-do-wells, Onkel Wackelflügel, Operation Little Vittles, ridiculous German words, ugly Americans, Uncle Wiggly-Wings, unfortunate names, United States of America, US Air Force, USSR, Utah, West Berlin, WWII

By Smaktakula

Conventional Wisdom Tells Us That It’s Wrong In Every Instance To Bomb Children. Conventional Wisdom Isn’t Always Correct.

Typically the characters to be found skulking through the pages of Promethean Times are a dark and sorry lot of maladjusted degenerates, ne’er-do-wells and comical third-world despots. And yet, history sometimes offers those examples of human endeavor which are not only significant and worthwhile, but also–rarest of all–interesting. We present to you, the Candybomber. If sweetheartery were an award (or even a real word), the Candybomber would be a perennial winner.

Get Yourself Some Jobs, You Master-Race Malingerers!

Although many younger readers many not be aware, Americans have not always been despised around the globe as arrogant behemoths trampling the rest of the world beneath their overpriced Nikes. There was a time, only a few short generations ago, when America was revered as a bastion of hope, and a force for good in a bleak and increasingly repressive world. As the occupying forces in Germany and Japan following their defeat at the end of WWII, a generation of earnest and well-meaning young men served to bolster this impression. The former enemies were disarmed by the Americans’ kindness, generosity and magnanimity, and in this the Allies achieved a victory far greater than anything they were able to accomplish with military means. That Japan and Germany are today stable, democratic–and for more than a half-century, peaceful–republics, is in some ways a credit to these exemplary young men.

Dude, You Know They’re Gonna Expect Us To Act Like This From Now On.

But Gail Halvorsen, the Candybomber, stands head and shoulders above them all. Despite the cruel handicap of being a dude with a chick’s name, in 1948 the young pilot exploded into the hearts and minds of young Germans, who, though now well into middle-age, still revere the Candybomber to this day.

The Candybomber Is A Lot Like David Hasselhoff In That The Germans Love Him. The Difference Is That The Candybomber Did Something To Earn Their Affection.

In 1948, Soviet Premier Josef Stalin sealed off West Berlin (as the nice part of Berlin was then known), hoping to starve out the fledgling democratic republic. The Allies, under the leadership of American President Harry S Truman, began an heroic, round-the-clock operation to ferry supplies to the beleaguered krauts. This operation, known as the Berlin Airlift, proved an historic success, forcing Stalin to ‘blink’ in May of 1949, lifting the embargo.

We’re Not Sure How To Write ‘IN YOUR FACE!’ In The Cyrillic Alphabet, So The Sentiment Will Have To Suffice.

Halvorsen, however, wanted to do more for the war-wearied children he saw lining the fences around the airbase. The nice Mormon boy from Utah hit upon an idea that was an instant winner: he attached small parachutes to bags of candy he had purchased himself, and his plane approached Berlin, would toss them from  his plane to the grateful children below. To differentiate his plane from the dozens arriving every hour, he would dip his wings before releasing his payload, earning him the typically ridiculous German nickname Onkel Wackelflügel (Uncle Wiggly-Wings).

You’ll Want To Step Back A Bit, Kids. That’s Not Candy.

Rumor has it that upon hearing of Halvorsen’s actions, his Air Force superiors ordered him to stop. However, someone up the food chain quickly comprehended the PR goldmine which had fallen into Allied hands thanks to Halvorsen’s do-gooderism. The Allies ran with it, and ‘Operation Little Vittles’ was born, magnifying Halvorsen’s individual act of kindness on a grand scale. It remains one of the most unheralded–and successful–American PR campaigns in history.

For Real, Folks–We’re Not All Bad.

Jimmy Carter Makes Modest Headway In Ongoing Bid For Historical Relevance

31 Tuesday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Asia, Crime, History, International Relations, Justice, National Events, People, Politics, Relationships, World Affairs

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

Aijalon Gomes, Bill Clinton, Bill vs. Jimmy, comical despots, do-gooders, Euna Lee, Habitat For Humanity, historical footnote, historical footnotes, hostages freed, I just called 'em both 'LingLee.', ineffectual presidents, Jimmy Carter, Kim Jong-il, Laura Ling, North Korea, one-termers, President Carter, President Clinton, skonks, Slick Willy

By Smaktakula

Historical footnote Jimmy Carter has managed to secure the release of Aijalon Gomes from North Korea.  Gomes had been sentenced to eight years hard labor under the autocratic regime of the dying, but still comically despotic Kim Jong-il.

Showing America's Soft Underbelly To Her Enemies Didn't Do It, And Building Houses For The Needy Didn't Do It Either. Perhaps Freeing A Few Hostages Will Help Erase The Stigma Of Being An Ineffectual One-Termer.

Although Carter is unable to claim to be the first white-haired Democratic Ex-President to secure the release of American hostages in North Korea, he is proud to say that he is the first not to bang them on the plane ride home.

"One Was Named Lee And The Other Ling, But I'll Tell You What, Brother--I Was Damned If I Could Tell The Difference!"

Put Down The Crisco, Jabba!

25 Friday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Culture, Duh, Food, General Foolishness, Health, National Events, People, Political Correctness

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

big fatso, Center for Science in Public Interest, customer of size, do-gooders, fat ass, fat people, Jabba the Hutt, McDonald's, nanny state, person of size, syphilitic monkeys, Two and a Half Men, Why am I so fat?

The Center for Science in Public Interest wants you to know that it’s okay that you’re too stupid to make nutrition choices on your own, either for yourself or your children.     

That’s why the CSPI is threatening to sue McDonald’s, the world’s most popular purveyor of food-flavored edible products, unless the fast-food giant stops including toys with its popular Happy Meals.     

Not Only Did McDonald's Make Him An Evil Mutant, But It May Also Have Contributed To His Little Weight Problem.

“McDonald’s is the stranger in the playground handing out candy to children,” CSPI’s litigation director, Stephen Gardner, said in a prepared statement. “It’s a creepy and predatory practice that warrants an injunction.”     

Countered a McDonald’s representative:     

“The toy is plastic, retard.  Zero calories.    

Y’know, if we really gave a fuck about the nation’s creme-filled arteries, we’d leave out the food.”     

It boils down to this:  You’re a syphilitic monkey too stupid to refuse poison if it’s presented to you in a nice bottle with a shiny bow.      

Don’t bother thinking about it.  Why don’t you watch some TV?  I think Two and a Half Men is on . . .     

I’ll Just Take My Fat Ass Somewhere Else: McDonald’s faces lawsuit over marketing to kids – Jun. 22, 2010.     

Smaktakula

Share With Facebook And I’ll Take You To Krispy Kreme

Democrats Eager To Prove They’re Every Bit As Dumb As Republicans

02 Tuesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in General Foolishness, National Events, National Politics, Politics, Regional Politics

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Arkansas, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Blanche Lincoln, Clinton bump, Connecticut, Democratic Party, DNC, do-gooders, GOP, Jimmy Carter, John McCain, Joseph Lieberman, LBJ, limousine liberal, Ned Lamont, Republican Party, RINO, RNC, stupidity

By Smaktakula

Like Joe Lieberman’s successful reelection bid in 2006, extreme elements within the Democratic Party are promoting a primary challenger against incumbent Senator Blanche Lincoln of Arkansas.  Lieberman was not sufficiently anti-war for the Moveon.org types, and so cable gazillionaire Ned Lamont received the party’s blessing to represent the Dems in November.  Lamont, who announced a gubernatorial bid a few weeks ago, may have been lacking in a great many necessary qualities, but he was against the war, a quality which seemingly trumped all else.   Lieberman ran as an independent and won.  Despite the party’s disloyalty, the Democrats managed to save the seat in reality, because Lieberman continues to caucus with the party.   In conservative Arkansas, dividing the party in this manner is not such a safe gamble.  

In recent years, Republican RINOism (Republican In Name Only) has served to alienate a growing  portion of moderates who might otherwise vote for the GOP.  By continually forcing the Republican Party’s ideology to the right, the party’s appeal has therefore narrowed to the point where it is in danger of becoming what its critics have long claimed it to be: a club for old white guys.  Even after shattering defeats in 2006 and 2008, it is not entirely clear that the Republicans have abandoned this unfortunate form of self-sabotage.

Yes, But He's Against The War

In contrast, the Democrats have become increasingly confident in recent years.  With a cocktail of grass-roots fundamentalism, limousine liberal money and increasing party discipline, the Democrats were seemingly shedding their long-standing (and to no small degree deserved) reputation as the fraternity of do-gooding also-rans.  Of Democratic presidents in the second half of the 20th Century, only the empathetic lip-biter, Bill Clinton served two terms (so hold your horses, LBJ apologists–while the legendarily endowed Texan did serve parts of two terms after Kennedy’s assassination in late 1963, he was only elected President once in 1964, stomping arch-conservative Barry Goldwater).  Jimmy Carter, the Dem’s other surviving ex-president, is a symbol of the benign impotence of the Democratic Party for much of the second half of the 20th Century.  

But with the Clinton Bump in the 90’s, the Democratic takeover of the legislature in 2006 and finally, Obama’s masterful victory over John McCain, it appeared that the Democratic Party had found itself at last after so long in the wilderness, consigning the GOP to bumble its way into obsolescence.  The poisonous combination of  arrogance and a leadership out of touch with contemporary America led the Republicans to what promised to be their Waterloo in 2008.  There was an outpouring hand wringing and gnashing of teeth from GOP loyalists in the days following Obama’s victory, while the Democrats made no attempt to contain their glee.   Both sides were heralding the same event: the ugly death of the Republican Party.   

This may have been premature.  That the Republican Party has not only survived, but is perhaps ascendant, is creditable less to the GOP than to the Democrats themselves.  Failing to learn from the opposition’s mistakes, the Democratic Party has ceded authority to a fringe minority, one which shows every evidence of being as crass and autocratic as were the Republicans who preceded it.  Despite the very clear will of the people, the Democrats persist in pushing through a big government agenda that Americans fear will fundamentally change the character and nature of the nation, and doom America to generations of economic serfdom.  

Unless wiser heads within the party prevail–an outcome by no means certain, 2010 will be a very bad year for the Democrats.

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