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Tag Archives: Slick Willy

You’re Still Being A Dick, Bill

10 Friday Dec 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Politics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Bill vs. Jimmy, can't you just let Jimmy win once?, Clinton > Carter, Clinton vs. Carter, dicks, Hillary Clinton, ineffectual presidents, Jimmy Carter, mean people, one-termers, President Carter, President Clinton, Slick Willy, two-term presidents

By Smaktakula

"C'Mon, Jimmy! I Said I Was Sorry! Now, What Were You Sayin'?"

"Never Mind. You'll Just Make Fun Of Me Again."

"Jimmy, I Won't, Buddy. I Want To Help."

"You Promise?"

"Hope To Die, Jimmy. Now Let's Hear It. I've Got Speaking Engagements To Get To."

"I Was Just Thinkin' That If Obama Ends Up Being A One-Termer--Which I Do Not For A Moment Hope--But If He Does, I Wonder If I Could Be The Second-Best Democrat In The Last Fifty Years?"

"That's A Good Question, Jimmy--An Important Question. But I'll Tell You Somethin', Buddy--There's Only One Person Who Can Answer That Question . . ."

"And That Person Is You."

"You Really Think So?"

"Oh, Hell Yeah, Jimmy! I Mean, If I Wanted To Know Anything About Being Number 2, I'd Ask Jimmy Carter. Don't Know Much About It Myself."

Now You’re Just Being A Dick, Bill

08 Wednesday Dec 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, History, Politics

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Bill Clinton, Bill vs. Jimmy, Bob Dole, can't you just let Jimmy win once?, Democrats, dicks, ineffectual presidents, Jimmy Carter, mean people, POTUS, President Carter, President Clinton, rivalry, Slick Willy, two-term presidents

By Smaktakula

"Y'Know, Bill--Losing The Presidency In 1980 Still Hurts. To Be Overwhelmingly Rejected By The American People Like That When I Tried To Do My Best Is Something I'll Take With Me To The Grave."

"C'mon Now, Jimmy--Cheer Up, Buddy! Don't You Know That Everybody Faces That Moment Of Truth At Some Point In Their Lives? I'm Gonna Tell You Something That Not Many People Know. You Remember When I Ran For Reelection In 1996?"

"Sure. You Beat Bob Dole In A Landslide."

"Heh. Yeah, I Kicked Dole's Ass Like A Blind Girl In A Boxing Match. Hoo-Wee! That Was A Great Election. Two-Termer, Baby!"

" . . . "

Jimmy Carter Makes Modest Headway In Ongoing Bid For Historical Relevance

31 Tuesday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Asia, Crime, History, International Relations, Justice, National Events, People, Politics, Relationships, World Affairs

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

Aijalon Gomes, Bill Clinton, Bill vs. Jimmy, comical despots, do-gooders, Euna Lee, Habitat For Humanity, historical footnote, historical footnotes, hostages freed, I just called 'em both 'LingLee.', ineffectual presidents, Jimmy Carter, Kim Jong-il, Laura Ling, North Korea, one-termers, President Carter, President Clinton, skonks, Slick Willy

By Smaktakula

Historical footnote Jimmy Carter has managed to secure the release of Aijalon Gomes from North Korea.  Gomes had been sentenced to eight years hard labor under the autocratic regime of the dying, but still comically despotic Kim Jong-il.

Showing America's Soft Underbelly To Her Enemies Didn't Do It, And Building Houses For The Needy Didn't Do It Either. Perhaps Freeing A Few Hostages Will Help Erase The Stigma Of Being An Ineffectual One-Termer.

Although Carter is unable to claim to be the first white-haired Democratic Ex-President to secure the release of American hostages in North Korea, he is proud to say that he is the first not to bang them on the plane ride home.

"One Was Named Lee And The Other Ling, But I'll Tell You What, Brother--I Was Damned If I Could Tell The Difference!"

The Skonk

23 Monday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Cinema, Culture, General Foolishness, Health, Hollywood, People, Political Correctness, Reality Television, Relationships, Scandal, Television

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Abraham Lincoln, Adolf Hitler, Albert Einstein, Barack Obama, Big Bird, Bill Clinton, Bill O'Reilly, Bush 41, Bush 43, Colin Farrell, crabs, David Letterman, Eddie Murphy, Elmo, FDR, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Fred, George Herbert Walker Bush, George W. Bush, herpes, heterosexuality, homosexuality, J. Robert Oppenheimer, jackassery, James Bond, John F. Kennedy, John Lennon, Johnny Depp, Karl Marx, Keith Richards, man-skanks, man-whores, Mick Jagger, misconceptions regarding skanks, Mohandas Gandhi, Morrissey, Napoleon Bonaparte, Pat Sajak, Paul McCartney, People Magazine, Richard M. Nixon, Russell Crowe, Sherlock Holmes, skankery, skanks, Skanks in the Crosshairs, skonk, skonkery, skonks, Slick Willy, STDs, Stephen Morrissey, tabloids, Thomas Jefferson, W, whoredom, William Henry Harrison, William Jefferson Clinton, William McKinley, Woodrow Wilson, Woody Allen, you got a real purty mouth

By Smaktakula

In preparation for our upcoming multi-part investigative series on modern whoredom, Skanks In The Crosshairs, the Promethean Times Research Staff spent hundreds of man-hours reading tabloids, clipping articles from old issues of People Magazine we’d liberated from dentists’ offices, and lots of solitary time in the screening room.  The benefits of this research exceeded our initially modest expectations.  Immersion into the tawdry world of skandom produced a wealth of data, which when put in proper context revealed a number of generally held misconceptions regarding skanks as a whole.

Perhaps no subject in all of skandom is more misunderstood and veiled in half-truths than that of male skanks, or skonks.  Ironically, almost two-thirds of the respondents in a Promethean Times survey characterized themselves as “somewhat knowledgeable” to “very knowledgeable” about skonks.  A chasm exists between what is commonly known about skonks and what is believed to be known.  Perhaps it is in that gulf that the skonk will reveal himself.

Johnny Depp: His Skonk Oil Is Worth Millions.

Firstly, the popular notion that skanks outnumber skonks is a complete falsehood.  In fact, skonks outnumber skanks at a 2:1 ratio, even after accounting for the numerical differences between the male and female population.  It is perhaps because of this very ubiquity that the media tends to focus its attention on skanks rather than skonks.

This information also debunks the myth that skonks make up only a small percentage of all males.  The consensus among experts is that well over half of all men are skonks, with a majority positing of 70-85% skonk saturation.  One reason this figure is so inexact is that unlike skanks who tend advertise their skankiness, a sizeable portion of skonks endeavor to keep their skonkitude hidden.

Nor are gay men immune to skonkitude.  In fact, it is believed that the percentage of skonks among gay men is far higher than among the population as a whole.  One expert, who places the figure somewhere around 97%, says, “It’s pretty hard to find a gay man who isn’t a skonk.”

Angel Of The Morning: Skonk Life Is Not All Sunshine And Giggles.

Some famous skonks and non-skonks:

Historical

Napoleon was a skonk; Hitler was not.

Secret Skonk: Gandhi

Great Minds

Oppenheimer wasn’t a skonk, but Einstein was.

Secret Skonk: Karl Marx

Film & Television

Colin Farrell, David Letterman, Russell Crowe, Eddie Murphy, Bill O’Reilly, Woody Allen and myriad more are skonks.  Pat Sajak and one or two others too obscure to name are not.

Secret Skonk: None

Music

Mick Jagger is a skonk; John Lennon was not.

Keith Richards is a skonk; Paul McCartney pretends to be a skonk.

Secret Skonk: Morrissey

Presidents of the United States of America

Presidents Jefferson, FDR, Kennedy, Clinton and several others were First Skonks.  Presidents Lincoln, McKinley, Wilson, Nixon, Bush (41) were not.

Barack Obama is not a skonk; George Bush (43) was a skonk in his youth, but has since reformed.

Secret Skonk: William Henry Harrison

"Damn, It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta."

Fictional Characters

James Bond is a skonk; Sherlock Holmes is not.

Elmo is a skonk; Big Bird is not.

Secret Skonk: Fred From Scooby Doo

Friends of Promethean Times

Charlie Sheen and Michael Murphy are skonks; Grigori Perelman and Rolando “Cashew Dick” Negrin are not.

The Haimster was a skonk; diminutive and dearly missed virgin Gary Coleman was not.

Secret Skonk: Kim Jong-il

"Hate The Game. Don't Hate The Praya."

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