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Tag Archives: Tripoli

TripoliWatch 2011: For The Love Of Condi

26 Friday Aug 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Crime, Culture, News, Politics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

comical despots, Condoleezza Rice, Libya, Muammar al-Gaddafi, sand despot, Secretary of State, stalker's Bible, three-humped camel, TMI, Tripoli, United States of America, unrequited affection, you got a real purty mouth

By Smaktakula

All This And A Really Bitchin' Tent. Who Wouldn't Want To Hit It With The Colonel?

For the second time in months, the public has been treated to a TMI-moment courtesy of a sun-addled madman.  First there was the protein-drenched horror of Osama bin Laden’s Pakistani whack-shack, which forced a disgusted audience to envision the leader of the Evil Ones waging his own single-handed jihad upon the one-eyed infidel.  Now, the chaotic events in Libya have elevated the carnal cravings of another evil bastard into public view.  It seems that deranged sand-despot Muammar al-Gaddafi has a crush on a certain American gal.

Gaddafi Unsuccessfully Attempts To Lure Rice Into The Desert To Perform The Ancient Ritual Of The Three-Humped Camel.

Fleeing his compound ahead of blood-crazed rebels, Gaddafi was forced to abandon several objects of deep personal significance.  Among these was a stalker’s Bible in the form of a scrapbook filled with pictures of Stanford professor Condoleezza Rice, whom Gaddafi once called “my darling black African woman.”  The former US Secretary of State, who is very much available, declined to comment.

We're Not Sure Why The Tough, NFL-Loving Former Secretary Of State Is Unmarried At 56. Perhaps She Just Hasn't Met The Right Oil Despot Yet.

TripoliWatch 2011: Is This Show Still On?

13 Wednesday Jul 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, History, News, Politics

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Tags

Arab Spring, comical despots, empty threats, Libya, Muammar al-Gaddafi, paper tiger, places that suck, Sarlacc, that trick never works, Tombstone, Tripoli, tyrannical dickheads

By Smaktakula

When oil-rich backwater Libya was caught up in the so-called ‘Arab Spring’ in late February, it seemed only a matter of time before unrepentant dickhead Muammar al-Gaddafi would be deposed and shortly thereafter executed, his leathery carcass cast into the Sarlacc pit while a new and equally despotic regime arose to take his place.  It would appear, however, that this analysis grossly underestimates the sand-despot’s ability to cling tenaciously to power like a tick nestled against a dog’s belly.  He’s still there.

"Are You Gonna Do Something, Or Just Stand There And Bleed? Go On, Skin That Smokewagon!"

We’ve completely lost interest in this program.  When will the new episodes of Two and a Half Men be airing? ∞T.

TripoliWatch 2011: Time Out!

01 Friday Apr 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in News, Politics

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Tags

anti-semitism, cease-fire, comical despots, Libya, Muammar al-Gaddafi, NATO, places that suck, rebels, sand, that trick never works, Tripoli, United States of America

By Smaktakula

The brave rabble comprising the Libyan resistance* has been forced to reconfigure its anti-Gaddafi strategy when inclement weather forced the United States to temporarily withdraw its forces and discontinue airstrikes.  The rebels have proposed a cease-fire, in the hopes that the unrepentant sand-despot will agree to hold off attacks until the United States’ airpower can be once again be brought to bear against government forces.

"Oh Yeah, That's Totally A Great Idea, Guy. I'll Tell You What, Get Everybody In One Place--Squeeze In Tight, Now--And I Not Only Will Make A Cease-Fire Announcement, But I'll Also Be Serving Cake And Punch."

*Fun Fact: One in five Libyan rebels oppose Gaddafi because they believe him to be Jewish. ∞T.

TripoliWatch 2011: The Dawn Of Odyssey Dawn

22 Tuesday Mar 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in History, News, Politics

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Tags

Arabs, Barack Obama, bluster, Bush Doctrine, international community, Ivory Coast, Libya, Muammar al-Gaddafi, No Fly Zone, Operation Desert Kill, Operation El Dorado Canyon, Operation Odyssey Dawn, places that suck, Prairie Dawn, President Obama, President Reagan, Ronald Reagan, that trick never works, the UN's maddening inaction in the face of genocide, treachery, Tripoli, United Nations, United States of America, unpopular wars, Vietnam

By Smaktakula

"Sometimes The Free World Must Take A Stand For Liberty, And Bring The Fight To The Evil Ones. In The Past, This Policy Has Been Known As 'The Bush Doctrine.'"

Fans of endless foreign entanglements were buoyed by the news that Jheri-curled sourpuss Muammar al-Gaddafi continues to thwart an increasingly emboldened international community.  The Colonel’s luck–and the world’s legendary patience and willingness to issue a series  of ridiculously ineffective threats–appear to have run out.

It's Completely Unlike America's Arab Allies To Be Inconstant In Their Friendship With The West.

With the initial backing of several Arab states, a coalition of the United States and the usual suspects have begun to turn the lights out in Libya.  America has always prided itself that, no matter the dubious nature or unpopularity of a conflict at home or abroad, the Superpower never attacks without a cool code name.  Enter Operation Odyssey Dawn. “It just sounded neat,” said an unnamed source, “And had a little more pizzazz than ‘Operation Desert Kill.”

Sesame Street's Prairie Dawn. A Lot Like Odyssey Dawn Except Far Less Bloody, And Much More Likely To Be Remembered In A Year's Time.

Still, the United States can expect some difficulties between now and the time in the vague and unknowable future that the poorly defined mission ends.  Chief among these difficulties is the inconsistency of America’s Arab allies, who after initially supporting the pact, quickly pandered to anti-Americanism from their own people and began backpedaling on their support.  The complete evaporation of Arab support was not anticipated for at least several more days.

Oh, No--We're Not Making THAT Mistake Again. This One'll Be Good--You'll See.

Secondly, this is not the first time the United States has turned Libya into a parking lot in the hopes of punishing the rogue state.  In 1986, US President Ronald Reagan authorized Operation El Dorado Canyon, and on April 15, 1986, US airpower devastated Tripoli.  This action almost succeeded in vaporizing the dictator and his family, but warned by an Italian politician, Gaddafi escaped to menace the world with his nefarious schemes on a number of occasions.  Will the belligerent Bedouin slip the righteous noose of Western justice once again?

"Dah-Dah-Dah-Dah-Dah-Dah-Dah! Can't Touch This!"

Even with the world’s willingness to help, all is not well in Africa.  While the international community has been quick to pummel Libya, it has yet to meet its promise to solve the months-long electoral stalemate in Ivory Coast.  Despite expressing profound concern for the day-to-day plight of Ivorians, it’s not clear why the international community has not shown the same interest in the tiny, coffee and cocoa producing nation as it has in the larger, oil-rich Libya.

"Okay, So What If We Promise To Start Drilling Immediately? Will You Send The Marines? A Couple Girl Scouts? Anything?"

TripoliWatch 2011: He Ain’t Dead Yet

07 Monday Mar 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in History, News

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

civil war, Come At Me Bro, Jersey Shore, Libya, memes, Muammar al-Gaddafi, places that suck, the West, Tripoli, United States of America, unpunished war criminals, unrepentant

By Smaktakula

Monday, 03.07.11–The United States, no longer content to limit its unending ground war to a single continent, is enlisting allies for possible military action against Libya.  Meanwhile, unrepentant bastard Muammar al-Gaddafi is having the time of his life as he continues to commit atrocities against his people while thumbing his nose at the West.

"Come At Me, Bro. Come At Me."

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