• Get To Know Promethean Times!
  • Magnificent Bastards
  • Douchebags Emeritus

Promethean Times

~ A Collection of Oddities Calculated to Amuse, Enlighten and Horrify.

Promethean Times

Tag Archives: Arabs

Headlines 10.16.12

16 Tuesday Oct 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Crime, Culture, Entertainment, Music, News, Stupidity

≈ 35 Comments

Tags

...you never go back, Afghanistan, Al Gore, Al Gore is the political Art Garfunkel, Alzheimer's, Arabs, Barack Obama, beauty pageant, Bush Doctrine, Chelsea Clinton, China, deaf people, dope, douchebaggery, drugs, Egypt, Gloria Allred, grass, headlines, hemp, hippies, Honey Boo Boo, Hosni Mubarak, illegal aliens, Justin Bieber, Kim Kardashian, Marines, MILFs, Mom, Paul Ryan, pot, reefer, Rihanna, seriously--hippies are odious, Somali pirates, Somalia, sweet sweet cheeba, weed, Why am I so stupid?

By Smaktakula

Look, We Tried, But She Refused To Take It Seriously. She Kept Wanting To Play Charades.

 

In Which We Comment On The Headlines Without Bothering To Read The Articles

***

9 Reasons Why Being a Mom Qualifies You to Work in a Brothel ~ Well, obviously, you’re no stranger to cock. Let’s just get that one out of the way right now.

Egyptian President Morsi Rejects Previous Limits on Presidential Power ~ And if the rule of Hosni Mubarak taught us anything, it’s that those limits weren’t all that stringent to begin with.

Chelsea Clinton Exited Wall Street for More Meaning ~ Meaning an eventual run for office.

‎A Worksheet for Math-Phobic Parents ~ Don’t worry–it can be filled out in crayon. Just make your X when you’re through.

Elementary School Beauty Pageant Canceled Over Controversial Flyer Sent Home With Students ~ It was because of the flyer, though? And not ’cause it was a shitty idea to start out with?

Because Sexualizing Children Boosts Their Self-Esteem!

Apple cider prices on the rise ~ Golly! Whatever shall we serve our guests at this year’s Autumn Cotillion? 

Oorah! Marines around the world ~ Killin’ folks.

Gloria Allred — Barack Obama Says I’m One of the BEST Lawyers in America ~ Listen, Gloria–the man didn’t get to be president by telling people things they DIDN’T want to hear.

Neb. wildfires grow with help of strong winds ~ They burned clear through to St. Louis before anyone noticed.

Paul Ryan speech emphasizes ‘there’s no going back’ if Obama wins ~ Okay, normally we’re skeptical regarding allegations of covert racism, but EVERYBODY knows that ‘no going back’ means ‘black.’

Keeping It Clean at Burning Man ~ No easy task with all those filthy hippies running around.

With No Running Water, Improper Sanitation And Those People, It’s A Safe Bet Everything Smells A Little Bit Like Baked Crotch.

How to Stop Hospitals From Killing Us ~ We’ve gotta go with the Bush Doctrine: Kill them before they have a chance to kill us.

Remember Afghanistan? ~ It might be a little easier to forget if we weren’t still there.

Joy Behar: Honey Boo Boo will ‘grow up to be a big fat woman’ ~ Holy cow, Nostradamus! Yours is a very rare and precious gift–use it wisely.

Here’s Why Justin Bieber Likes to Prank People All the Time ~ ‘Cause he’s a little douche.

Cancer death rates predicted to drop 17% by 2030 ~ Suh-Wheet! That’s just about the time we’ll find ourselves in the “Red Zone.”

Kim Kardashian — Black Baby ~ Las Vegas oddsmakers have it at 3:2 currently.

Wait–Isn’t She The One Who Likes To Get Peed On? Shit. We Just Hope The Baby’s Mammalian.

Infants Left Home Alone Are Fine But Their Mom & Aunt Feared Dead ~ Well, we can guarantee that Mom & Aunt Patty have abandoned their last child.

T.I. Helps Save ‘Creed’ Frontman’s Life ~ Well, why the hell did he do a thing like that?

Piracy ‘boosts economy’ in Somalia ~ That’s because piracy ‘is the economy’ in Somalia.

Home improvement sales going through the roof ~ Well, just the money spent on roofing materials alone…

Mow Yard. Drop Off Kids. Take a Drive on Mars. ~ Check in at a reputable mental health facility.

Why is the Arab world so easily offended? ~ The reasons are multifaceted and heavily nuanced, but we can assure you that it’s not because they’re whiny little bitches.

No, We Said It WASN’T Because Of That!

Has Obama made the planet greener? Al Gore says ‘no’ ~ You must first understand, however, that anybody who actually gets to be president makes Al Gore pretty green.

Newborn giant panda cub dies at the National Zoo ~ Can war with China be far behind?

LA to consider multi-use library cards for illegal immigrants ~ Sure, why not?–it seems kinda pointless to deny them anything at this stage in the game. Well, we might as well tell them where we keep the good liquor.

Rihanna’s ‘Diamonds’ Single Art Will Make You Feel Insecure About Your Weed ~ Well, fuck her then!

5 Signs You Already Have Early Stage Alzheimer’s ~ Because Taft was simply a better president, damn it!

“No, If You Say You’re My Son, I Believe You. It’s Just That I Figured You’d Be Better Looking.”

TripoliWatch 2011: The Dawn Of Odyssey Dawn

22 Tuesday Mar 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in History, News, Politics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Arabs, Barack Obama, bluster, Bush Doctrine, international community, Ivory Coast, Libya, Muammar al-Gaddafi, No Fly Zone, Operation Desert Kill, Operation El Dorado Canyon, Operation Odyssey Dawn, places that suck, Prairie Dawn, President Obama, President Reagan, Ronald Reagan, that trick never works, the UN's maddening inaction in the face of genocide, treachery, Tripoli, United Nations, United States of America, unpopular wars, Vietnam

By Smaktakula

"Sometimes The Free World Must Take A Stand For Liberty, And Bring The Fight To The Evil Ones. In The Past, This Policy Has Been Known As 'The Bush Doctrine.'"

Fans of endless foreign entanglements were buoyed by the news that Jheri-curled sourpuss Muammar al-Gaddafi continues to thwart an increasingly emboldened international community.  The Colonel’s luck–and the world’s legendary patience and willingness to issue a series  of ridiculously ineffective threats–appear to have run out.

It's Completely Unlike America's Arab Allies To Be Inconstant In Their Friendship With The West.

With the initial backing of several Arab states, a coalition of the United States and the usual suspects have begun to turn the lights out in Libya.  America has always prided itself that, no matter the dubious nature or unpopularity of a conflict at home or abroad, the Superpower never attacks without a cool code name.  Enter Operation Odyssey Dawn. “It just sounded neat,” said an unnamed source, “And had a little more pizzazz than ‘Operation Desert Kill.”

Sesame Street's Prairie Dawn. A Lot Like Odyssey Dawn Except Far Less Bloody, And Much More Likely To Be Remembered In A Year's Time.

Still, the United States can expect some difficulties between now and the time in the vague and unknowable future that the poorly defined mission ends.  Chief among these difficulties is the inconsistency of America’s Arab allies, who after initially supporting the pact, quickly pandered to anti-Americanism from their own people and began backpedaling on their support.  The complete evaporation of Arab support was not anticipated for at least several more days.

Oh, No--We're Not Making THAT Mistake Again. This One'll Be Good--You'll See.

Secondly, this is not the first time the United States has turned Libya into a parking lot in the hopes of punishing the rogue state.  In 1986, US President Ronald Reagan authorized Operation El Dorado Canyon, and on April 15, 1986, US airpower devastated Tripoli.  This action almost succeeded in vaporizing the dictator and his family, but warned by an Italian politician, Gaddafi escaped to menace the world with his nefarious schemes on a number of occasions.  Will the belligerent Bedouin slip the righteous noose of Western justice once again?

"Dah-Dah-Dah-Dah-Dah-Dah-Dah! Can't Touch This!"

Even with the world’s willingness to help, all is not well in Africa.  While the international community has been quick to pummel Libya, it has yet to meet its promise to solve the months-long electoral stalemate in Ivory Coast.  Despite expressing profound concern for the day-to-day plight of Ivorians, it’s not clear why the international community has not shown the same interest in the tiny, coffee and cocoa producing nation as it has in the larger, oil-rich Libya.

"Okay, So What If We Promise To Start Drilling Immediately? Will You Send The Marines? A Couple Girl Scouts? Anything?"

All-Star Celebarrassments: Billy Carter

03 Friday Dec 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Politics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

alcohol abuse, Anti-Defamation League of the B'nai B'rith, Arabs, Atlanta, Bill Clinton, Bill vs. Jimmy, Billy Beer, Billy Carter, celebarrassments, death by pancreatic cancer, down syndrome, down's syndrome, Georgia, Iranian Hostage Crisis, Jews, Jimmy Carter, Mark Thatcher, methamphetamine, Muammar al-Gaddafi, pancreatic cancer, President Carter, President Clinton, Redneck Power!, Roger Clinton, Ronald Reagan, Schlitz, slackjawed halfwits, Ted Kennedy, Twins, William Alton Carter III, Zeituni Onyango

By Smaktakula

We Don't Really Need A Caption For This One: The Man Was A Half-Wit.

“The Embryo split in two, but it didn’t split equally.  All the purity and strength went into Julius.  All the crap that was left over went into what you see in the mirror every morning.”

Twins (1988)

There is one man beside whom all other celebarrasments* pale in comparison, an iconic vision of wasted genes to whom the likes of Roger Clinton, Zeituni Onyango and Mark Thatcher must all take a back seat.  Billy Carter was the alpha and omega of cringeworthy relations.

"Hell No, You Can't Drive! Damn It, Rog--You're Lucky To Be Here After What Happened At Chelsea's Wedding. Yeah, Well Maybe I Wouldn't Have To Keep Bringing It Up If You'd Stop Acting Like A Horse's Ass."

Although James Earl Carter was very nearly a Rhodes Scholar, little brother Billy had trouble simply walking upright.  Where the elder Carter boy tended to be precise and methodical, Billy was full of alcohol-fueled bombast.  Billy stuck to Jimmy like gum on a tennis shoe until late in the beleaguered Carter Presidency, when facing a primary challenge from party loyalist Ted Kennedy, Jimmy was forced to denounce his brother.

It Runs On Redneck Power. Just Fill 'Er Up With Methamphetamine & Schlitz And Watch That Baby Go!"

Until then, however, Billy was able to wreak all manner of mischief.  His disastrous sponsorship of Billy Beer only highlighted his pitiable alcoholism.  Likewise, pissing on the tarmac of the Atlanta airport in full sight of the press while awaiting the arrival a Libyan cohort from whose terror-funding government he took a variety of gifts and payments did little to help his brother’s malaise-ridden presidency.

Some Cases Of Down Syndrome Go Undiagnosed For Years.

The Anti-Defamation League of the B’nai B’rith called out Billy for his unseemly relationship with Col. Muammar al-Gaddafi, but the slack-jawed redneck wasn’t concerned.  Said Billy sagely, “All I can say is there is a hell of a lot more Arabs than there is Jews.”

Billy Was Proud Of His Business Acumen. On His Decision To Do Business With Libyans Rather Than Jews: "Sorry Fellers, But I Got To Go With Them What Knows How To Make Some Money!"

Although Billy Carter would live until pancreatic cancer claimed him at the age of 51 in 1988, in many ways he died on January 20th, 1981 as Ronald Reagan took office.  It was as if after a dismal economy, the 444-day hostage crisis and an electoral beatdown at the hands of Reagan, Jimmy Carter’s presidential legacy was already in tatters, and there was nothing left for Billy to do.

"Y'Hear That? No President IN HISTORY Has Had A More Embarrassing Relative. Not Just 'The Second Half Of The 20th Century,' So You Can Put That In Your Cigar And Smoke It."

* Celebarrassment (n) [sel-uh-BAR-uhs-ment] The embarrassing relative of a celebrity or other important figure.  © 2010 Promethean Times.

From ABC News: Arab Reaction To Muslim Miss USA

20 Thursday May 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Games, General Foolishness, Islam, National Events, People, Race, Scandal, Television

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

ABC News, Arab Americans, Arabs, beauty pageant, beauty pageants objectify women!, Detroit, Islam, Lebanese Americans, Miss USA, muslims, pole dancing, Rima Fakih, scandal, The Great Satan, your mother must be very proud

The Great Satan For The Win!

Tighten Your Turbans: Arab Reaction to Miss USA Winner Rima Fakih – ABC News.

LIKE Promethean Times on Facebook!

LIKE Promethean Times on Facebook!

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

The Best Of Times

  • Belgians: The World's Most Evil People
  • The Red Danube
  • People Actually Believe That? Ramtha And The Lizard-Beasts Of Mt. Rainier
  • Diff'rent Strokes Curse Remains With Work Undone
  • Shannon Price Is A Cooze
  • The Skonk
  • Mullets Are Slightly Less Heinous Than Fauxhawks
  • Magnificent Bastards
  • Hef's Former Skank Calls Him "Dead Fish"
  • Emmanuel Lewis: The Antigary

Dumb Stuff We Say On Twitter:

  • Teachable Moments prometheantimes.com/2015/10/15/tea… http://t.co/QFzhCOBHaO 6 years ago
  • The Garden-Destroying Cross-Lot Food Fight prometheantimes.com/2015/10/01/the… http://t.co/lY6IVUWzYV 6 years ago
  • My Beef With That One Guy From ‘Fast Times At Ridgemont High’ prometheantimes.com/2015/09/23/my-… http://t.co/izgO4yJppn 6 years ago
  • Shelly The Parasitic Yoko of Pervert Alley prometheantimes.com/2015/08/17/she… http://t.co/0svsAHygLs 6 years ago
  • Welcome To Pervert Alley prometheantimes.com/2015/07/31/wel… http://t.co/tvFvovXjTX 6 years ago
Follow @prometheantimes

Recent Times

  • Teachable Moments
  • The Garden-Destroying Cross-Lot Food Fight
  • My Beef With That One Guy From ‘Fast Times At Ridgemont High’
  • Shelly The Parasitic Yoko of Pervert Alley
  • Welcome To Pervert Alley
  • A Profoundly Philosophical Question
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part III
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part II
  • My Friend Joey Park, Part I
  • Headlines: In Which No Puppies Were Harmed Or Abducted
  • Profiles in Loutishness
  • Bet Your Bottom Dollar That Tomorrow
  • Mea Culpa: 55 Cent
  • Goat Mayo
  • Headlines: More News We Don’t Understand
  • The Aging Gunslinger
  • Hungarian Fone Kard
  • Fresh Socks For Homeless Walter
  • I’m An Ass, And I’m Sorry
  • Headlines: I Was A Caveman’s Love-Puppet
  • Untruth & Consequences: Debriefing
  • To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before
  • My Missing Medal
  • Promethean Times Questions Existence Of Sri Lanka
  • Headlines: Shaking And Stirred

WORD.

Adolf Hitler Afghanistan Africa anti-semitism bad parents Barack Obama Baseball bigotry Bill Clinton California Canada cannabis Celebrity Death Watch childish sexual innuendo China cocaine comical despots dope douchebaggery drugs famous for nothing fat people foolish choices fun with stereotypes gay people Germany gold digger grass headlines helpful hints hemp homosexuality hypocrisy impoverished third-world hellhole Iran Islam jackassery Japan Kim Jong-il LiLo Lindsay Lohan Los Angeles Dodgers marijuana Mexico Muammar al-Gaddafi mullets muslims North Korea outright lies places that suck pot racism reefer religious intolerance skankery skanks Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French Smaktakula's distrust of short people Smaktakula's hypocrisy can sometimes be astounding stupid people sweet sweet cheeba Tardsie's True-Ass Tales that trick never works the French this day in history treachery true meanings of holidays United Kingdom United States of America untalented stars weed Where Are They Now? Why am I so fat? Why am I so stupid? you got a real purty mouth

Promethean History

May 2022
M T W T F S S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Oct    

Search The Prometheosphere

Recent Comments

Vivek Golikeri on Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong…
Tim on People Actually Believe That?…
Anonymous on Commercials We Do Not Like: Me…
Dudley on Diff’rent Strokes Curse…
Anonymous on Commercials We Do Not Like: Me…
tomsimard on Sadly, Anne Heche Still L…
Smaktakula on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
David on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
Rackuzius on Brilliant, Dirty Weirdo Said T…
Smaktakula on Teachable Moments
Yoshihiko Motaro on Teachable Moments
Anonymous on Words Never To Use: N****…
Alex C on Putting The Italian Army To Go…
Usman Makhdoom on Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong…
Lary James on Untruth & Consequences: Do…

Tardsie D. Bagg

Smaktakula

Networked Blogs

NetworkedBlogs
Blog:
Promethean Times
Topics:
Satire, Irreverence, Snarkery
 
Follow my blog

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

  • Follow Following
    • Promethean Times
    • Join 509 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Promethean Times
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar