Battlefield Earth, cinematic douchebaggery, Elmo, Freddy Got Fingered, Gigli, I Know Who Killed Me, Movies, Razzies, Richard Simmons, Rwanda, Simmons v Elmo, Swept Away, Tom Green, Worst Film of the Decade
Freddy Got Fingered is finally getting the recognition it deserves as one of the worst movies ever made. Recently, the folks who run the Razzies have declared FGF, along with such cinematic classics as Battlefield Earth, Gigli, I Know Who Killed Me and Swept Away, in contention for the distinction of the “Worst Film of the Decade.”
Admittedly, the only film of the five that Promethean Times has seen (or is likely to see) is FGF. You might think this would preclude us from commenting on this issue, but Promethean Times has never shied away from talking out of our asses, and never will.
It is our opinion that no other cinematic offering can plumb the wretched depths of inane, vulgar excess with the same degree of panache as the estimable Tom Green. FGF rewards the brave viewer with cinematic delights heretofore unknown in mainstream movies. Where else can you see a deranged slacker swing a newborn baby around a bloody hospital room while its mother wails for him to stop? Is there any other movie where the protagonist beats his paraplegic girlfriend’s legs with a stick as a form of foreplay? Have you ever seen a man use an elephant’s penis as a gun, shooting his father with pachyderm ejaculate? Freddy Got Fingered offers all these things and more. It is not simply the worst movie of the decade, but one of the lowest points in the long history of cinema.
If Freddy Got Fingered loses to any of these other minor turkeys as “Worst Movie of the Decade,” the resulting violence will make 1994 Rwanda look like a slap-fight between Richard Simmons and Elmo.