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By Smaktakula

You’re Not Above Using Your Computer For Sex. So Why Not Love?

With statistics showing that more and more couples are meeting one another over the internet, online dating (once known as ‘Classified Ad Dating’) is no longer solely the purview of the diseased, the malformed or similar undesirables. With greater frequency, normals are getting into the act.

Thanks to our increasingly fractured lives and the resulting lack of intimacy, traditional places for meeting a life-partner such as school, work, or poorly-lit taverns at last call are no longer sufficient to meet the world’s yearning for romance. School and work both suck, it will be noted, and taverns are rife with bitter, semi-toothed and vaguely threatening rummies. Given these disappointing realities, it’s no surprise that lonelyhearts would turn to the internet.

In Days Of Yore, Society’s Undesirables Had Two Avenues For Romance: Classified Advertising And Bride-Snatching.

And they have. In fact, the lovelorn have turned to the internet in such numbers that there now not only can a would-be dater choose from among a variety of dating sites based on religion or ethnicity,* but also services catering to any lifestyle, condition or fetish. No one need ever be lonely again.

One site promoting itself recently is Christian Mingle, a dating service for Christians. Despite that church and religious functions remain among the more efficacious, unsullied means of attracting a similarly minded mate, intimacy can still be hard to foster. Some people might feel that Christian Mingle fails to offer the “first-night hookup” implicit in so many of the other services, but this is illusory. Christian Mingle users still have about the same chance of getting lucky with their prospective dates, but it involves even more lying than is typical.

We Thought The Beehive Hairdo And Peggy Hill Glasses Looked Suspicious.

A final word to those who might have stumbled across this article while searching for an online dating service: Don’t do it, Honey!  He’s already married.

*Obviously, no ‘All-Caucasian’ dating sites exist. Quite unlike such niche sites as JDateAmor or BlackSingles, a strictly white romance service would fly in the face of the West’s longstanding tradition of equality and fair-play. ∞T.