Aquaman, Batman, camel toe, Exxor, Gleek, incest, Jayna, lame heroes, Marvin White, monkey-fucking, Robin, Robin as sex-slave, Super Friends, Superman, Wendy Harris, Wonder Dog, Wonder Twins, Wonder Woman, you got a real, Zan
Although younger readers may not remember the Super Friends TV show, to millions of children growing up in the 1970s and 1980s, this collection of sissy do-gooders was as beloved as any other family member. With its membership boasting such heroic A-Listers as Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman, as well as useless queer0s like Aquaman and Robin, the Boy Wonder, the Super-Friends enjoyed the advantage of being for a time the only super-hero show on TV.
But the program’s executives wanted more youthful characters to whom the show’s primary audience of children could better relate. It was pointed out that although Robin is ostensibly a teenager, the results of focus group studies indicated that younger audiences responded positively to adolescent heroes whom Batman was not fucking.
The first results of this experiment were safe, if unexciting. For a few seasons the adult heroes were joined by non-powered teens Wendy Harris and Marvin White, and the caped canine, Wonder Dog. Perhaps sensing the potentially catastrophic potential in sending children to battle alongside spandex-clad gods, after just a few seasons the show’s producers went back to the drawing board to create new sidekicks. By keeping the elements of Wendy and Marvin that worked (a teenaged male-female pair with a comically useless pet) while ditching what didn’t (their humanity), the Super-Friends achieved their greatest character success: the Wonder Twins.
The Wonder Twins were Zan and Jayna, extraterrestrial visitors from the planet Exxor, who had unusual powers which would work only in conjunction with one another. However, in a nod to their predecessors, Wendy and Marvin, their powers were exceedingly lame and practically useless. By touching their rings together, each twin could assume a variety of unique forms. Zan’s ability was to transform himself into water, steam or ice. Jayna could change into an animal. The Wonder Twins, along with their mutant space-monkey Gleek, served to add not only much-needed comedy relief for the otherwise-serious show, but also provided ready-made hostages for the Super-Friends to rescue week after week.
But by the time the 1990s rolled around, the Wonder Twins were gone from the television screen, their memories already fading into pop-culture trivia. The 1988 National Enquirer article which proved the final nail in the coffin of the twins’ career is remembered by some, but it is the revelations contained in that article which continue to bedevil the twins’ reputation to present. These allegations and the Wonder Twins’ subsequent descent into ignominy reminds us that no matter who or how powerful you are, the viewing public is not yet ready to tolerate either incest or monkey-fucking.