Tag Archives: this day in history

This Day In History: March 5, 1770 CE

05 Monday Mar 2012

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Compared To Later Massacres, Boston's Was A Tea Party (Not To Be Confused With The Historical Event Of The Same Name).

On which British Redcoats fire into a mob of colonial yahoos, slaying five. The incident, later known in America as the Boston Massacre, drives a further wedge in the growing schism between the colonists and the mother country, which in just over five years’ time will blossom into outright rebellion.

Five? Only Five People Died And You're Calling It A Massacre? Let Me Show You How We Do Things In The USA, Son.

This Day In History: October 28, 1886 CE

28 Friday Oct 2011

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By Smaktakula

On which the French and American people make a trade, with the French bequeathing to the United States the majestic Statue of Liberty, and the Americans in turn promising that France would never find herself abruptly forced to learn German.

Statue of Liberty

We're Trying To Figure Out If Lady Liberty Is Really French. True, She Makes A Lot Of Demands And Hasn't Bathed In 125 Years, But That's A Torch In Her Hand And Not A Gauloise.

It’s just that if we lived next to a clan of bloodthirsty dudes in Lederhosen who put the beatdown on us every couple of generations, we’d move. ∞T.

This Day In History: July 18th, 1955 CE

18 Monday Jul 2011

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On which the Devil manifests as a rodent and brings his unholy kingdom to earth.

Unsure Of Whether To Use His Massive Profits To Cure Cancer Or To Buy The World's Lamest Baseball Team.

As hard as it is to believe, Orange County once had a soul. ∞T.

This Day In History: June 18, 1815 CE

18 Saturday Jun 2011

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On which the French and English clash in Belgium, with Napoleon Bonaparte’s forces smashing into British lines at Hougoumont in what he hopes will prove the Duke of Wellington’s own personal Waterloo.

An Interesting Historical Tidbit Known Mostly To Scholars And Other Friendless Shut-Ins: The French Once Walked The Walk.*

 *It should be noted that the historical community has by no means reached consensus on this issue.  On the contrary, many scholars dispute the notion that France ever walked the walk, pointing out that the Corsican-born Bonaparte was of Italian descent. ∞T.

This Day In History April 25, 1915 CE

25 Monday Apr 2011

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On which Allied forces begin the assault on the Gallipoli Peninsula which First Lord of the Admiralty, Winston Churchill, believes will knock Turkey from the war and lay bare the soft underbelly of the Central Powers.

"Nope."

The campaign was such an unmitigated military disaster and tragic waste of human life that the Australian and New Zealand Governments thought it would be the perfect defeat to commemorate the memory of their fallen soldiers.  Happy Anzac Day, Mates! ∞T.

This Day In History: April 12th, 1961 CE

12 Tuesday Apr 2011

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On which vodka becomes the first alcohol to be consumed in outer space.

Fun Fact: Vostok 1 Was Much Roomier Than Gagarin's Moscow Apartment, But Lacking A Leaking Roof And With A Better Supply Of Toilet Paper.

This Day In History: April 12th, 1861 CE

12 Tuesday Apr 2011

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On which South Carolinians use martial means to express their displeasure with the Yankee occupation.

This Wasn't Just About Slavery, But States' Rights As Well. Also Sister-Marryin'.

“Fellahs!  Fellahs!  We’re all Americans here–let’s remember to keep things civil.”