15 Sunday Feb 2015
Posted in Stupidity, True-Ass Tales
Tags
abject apologies, charity, douchebaggery, homeless people, making amends, mea culpa, Memphis, mistaken identity, sorry, Tardsie's True-Ass Tales, Tennessee, Why am I so stupid?
In which amends cannot be made.
16 Monday Jan 2012
Tags
bravery, Catholic Church, civil rights, civil rights leaders, don't know much about history, Martin Luther, Martin Luther King Jr., Martin Luther King Sr., Memphis, mistaken identity, non-violence, outright lies, Reformation, Tennessee
"Everything That We See Is A Shadow Cast By That Which We Do Not See."
Forty-plus years after his slaying in Memphis, Tennessee, Martin Luther King, Jr. remains a beloved figure not only in the United States of America, but throughout the entire world. His courage, moral example and dedication to non-violence catalyzed the civil rights movement to a degree that cannot be underestimated, and proved stronger even than the will of governments. The lives of millions were transformed through Dr. King’s efforts.
He should not, however, be confused with the similarly-named German priest whose protest against the Catholic Church catapulted Protestantism to its current position among the great religions of the world. That was King’s father, Martin Luther King, Sr.
No, It Doesn't Make Much Sense To Us, Either. But You Can't Argue With History.
08 Thursday Dec 2011
Tags
assassination, death by bullet, identi, John Lennon, Mark David Chapman, mistaken identity, this day in history, Vladimir Lenin, why not Yoko?
On which Mark David Chapman silences one of history’s most distinct voices.
"You Don't Know How Lucky You Are, Boy--Back In The US, Back In The US, Back In The USSR!"
16 Friday Sep 2011
At last! We didn’t think America was ready for it, but in this instance at least, we’re happy to be proven wrong. A delightful new business enterprise is sweeping the nation–the blow-dry bar.
There's Still The Rub & Tug Massage Parlor Out By The Airport.
Wait–is that blow dry bar? It is? Dry? Really? Huh. It’s just that we thought . . . y’know there are only three letters in ‘dry,’ so if you look at it real quick it’s easy to . . . and it’s not that blow dry bars aren’t cool in their own way for the people who are into that . . . but wouldn’t–just for a minute now suppose–wouldn’t it be cool if, like, instead of blow dry bars they had, you know . . . C’mon, right? . . . never mind.
14 Thursday Jul 2011
Tags
alcohol, alcohol solves all of life's problems, bad parents, black people, Casey Anthony, Caylee Anthony, death threats, Facebook, getting away with murder, infanticide, men, mistaken identity, murderers, stupid people, thanks a lot mom, unfortunate names, unpunished, white people, women
Attention idiots: you may be threatening the wrong Casey Anthony.
It's Totally Okay To Hate Her. It Feels Pretty Good, Doesn't It?
The public is pretty upset about last week’s jury decision clearing accused child-murderess Casey Anthony of all but the most minor charges. Most people find an appropriate outlet for this rage, such as Facebook status updates or in the Lethe-like powers of alcohol. Some, however, express their animus through inappropriate displays like death threats.
Sadly, all those death threats don’t always find their intended targets. As it turns out, that there are one or two other Casey Anthonys running around out there. One of these is Casey Anthony of Darby, Pennsylvania, who has recently been receiving death threats from well-meaning, but moronic members of the public. This Casey Anthony, if people had bothered to check, is a dude–a goateed, bald black dude, who in fact bears only a passing resemblance to the clean-shaven, fully folliculate, infanticidal white chick.
Look, Color-Blindness And Gender Neutrality Have Their Place, But Don't Be An Idiot.
To make matters worse for ‘Good’ Casey, he’s not the only member of his family to have the name. It turns out that two of his sons are also named Casey Anthony.
Wait. What?
24 Thursday Feb 2011
Tags
confused words, hairless hit factory, imaginary bigotry, Justin Bieber, Ke$ha, Lil Wayne, Mike Tyson, mistaken identity, niggardly, politically incorrect, racial slurs, racism, self-censorship, things never to say, words to stop using
Just as popular music’s reputation has been besmirched by unwholesome potty-mouths like Ke$ha, Lil Wayne and hairless hit factory Justin Bieber, words also can be unfairly tainted by an apparent, but nonexistent connection between them. Words which sound similar can be easily confused, particularly if one of them is among the most emotionally laden in the English language. Some words, even those with wholly innocent meanings and uttered by well-intentioned speakers, invite scorn and opprobrium with the thunderous quickness of a loud fart in a quiet church.
"Well, I Guess I'll Go Clean Out My Desk Now."
Such a word is Niggardly. Although the origins of the word are wholly innocent, descended from Old English and Scandinavian roots and meaning stingy or miserly, niggardly should never be spoken. Not ever. Never, never, never. You know why.
Few other words can suck the life from a room with the rapidity of this adjective. Rather than employ this conversation-killer, we recommend using one of the aforementioned synonyms or choosing from among the plethora available, including but not limited to “parsimonious,” “cheap” or “tight.” If no other word will suffice, then for the sake of common decency as well as your own safety, please say “N-Wordly.”
"I'm Fully Aware Of The Wordth' Meaning, And Moreover That Your Motiveth Were Not To Give Offenth. It Ith For Entirely Different Reathonth That I Will Be Feeding You Your Own Thpleen."
02 Wednesday Feb 2011
Posted in Culture
Tags
Anderson Cooper, Cairo, ectoplasm, Egypt, Egyptian Crisis, ghosts, Great Pyramids, Hosni Mubarak, if something's not funny the first time maybe it will be the second, Lee Marvin, Leslie Nielsen, mistaken identity, posthumous politics, shades, Sphinx, spirits, still not funny?
You Came For The Historical Treasures. Stay For The Chaos.
Although initial details are sketchy, various news organizations are reporting that crowds loyal to beleaguered Egyptian despot Hosni Mubarak have been gathering in Cairo since Wednesday morning, and have clashed with anti-Mubarak protesters. This violence shatters the primarily peaceful image of the protests thus far beamed to the world.
Watch Out For This Guy.
Among so many unforseen twists in this story is the miraculous manifestation of Leslie Nielsen’s unquiet spirit. Nielsen, who died last year, remained largely apolitical throughout his life, shocking many who assumed he would remain so once in the grave.
It appears, however, that the intermittently funny blob of Canadian ectoplasm stands in solidarity with the people of Egypt. According to reports, the vengeful spirit suffered a beatdown at the hands of a pro-Mubarak mob.
Leslie Hasn't Gone Gentle Into Any Goodnight.
04 Tuesday Jan 2011
Posted in Stupidity
Tags
ad nauseum, fact-checking, How very original!, if something's not funny the first time maybe it will be the second, mistaken identity, pointless repetition, retractions, Teena Marie, Tina Fey, Tina Fey not dead, Tina the Circus Elephant, Tina the Circus Elephant not dead, yes we know that Tina The Circus Elephant and Tina Fey are not the same person
Because The Big Top Wouldn't Be The Same Without Her.
Tina the Circus Elephant did not die mysteriously last week, as reported in Promethean Times. The animal carcass found on the side of Route 9 turned out not to be an elephant at all, but rather a horse. By the time authorities arrived on the scene, several local idiots had gathered with hammers, tire-irons and other household clubs, with which they then proceeded to bludgeon the flyblown mess.
They promised to stop.
29 Wednesday Dec 2010
Tags
mistaken identity, Teena Marie, Tina Fey, Tina Fey not dead, Tina Louise, yes we know that Teena Marie and Tina Louise are not the same person
Tina Fey is not dead. We’re sorry for any confusion; your emails are not needed.
The R&B Singer Is Said To Be Doing Fine.
29 Wednesday Dec 2010
Tags
Celebrity Death Watch, celebrity deaths, Gilligan's Island, missed opportunities, mistaken identity, musicians, Teena Marie, Tina Louise, Tina Louise is not looking so good these days, Was it any funnier when it was Leslie Nielsen?
Teena Marie died on Sunday of as-yet unknown causes. She will be missed by fans worldwide, not least by us.
To Our Thinking, The Male Castaways Squandered A Once-In-A-Lifetime Opportunity.
