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By Smaktakula

Snooki's Not Wearing Leather; That's Her Skin.

Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi’s time in the spotlight must soon come to an end. Her fifteen minutes of infamy draws inevitably to a close, as the public’s short attention span casts an obscuring shadow over the stars of yesteryear,  even those–among whom Snooki cannot count herself–with actual talent. However unlikely it may seem now, this braying product of a messy one-night-stand between a Cheeto and an Oompa-Loompa will one day go away.

This is our simple tribute to her.

***

This Is What It Looks Like When A Beach Ball Dresses Up Like Slash For Halloween.

If You Like Mixed Drinks, Why Not Try A Whining Orgasm Or Herpes On The Beach?

Sure, It Comes With A Price, But Sucking Off Every Jon Bon Jovi Impersonator In The Tri-State Area Is A Labor Of Love.

Plus, She Can't Take A Punch.

"HURRRRRRRR!"

Oompa Loompa doompadee doo
We’ve got a funny question for you
Oompa Loompa doompadah duss
If you are wise you’ll listen to us
What do you get from being on TV?
A miserly check and a credit or three
Why don’t you try simply curtailing the sex?
Or do you just adore Valtrex?
You’ll get no
You’ll get no
You’ll get no
You’ll get no
You’ll get no breakouts
Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dah
Since you are greedy you will go far
You will never find happiness
Like the Oompa Loompa give a rat’s ass

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