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Tag Archives: awful musicians

Mark Wahlberg Is Nothing Without The Funky Bunch. Nothing!

13 Friday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Cinema, Culture, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Music, People

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

awful musicians, beatdown, crossover success, Funky Bunch, hairless hit factory, hip-hop, Justin Bieber, Mark Wahlberg, Marky Mark, Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch, one-hit wonders, people with supernumerary nipples, phallophilia, rap music, Terminator 2, untalented stars, where is the Funky Bunch?, you used to be cool man

By Smaktakula

There.  We said it.                                     

Marky Mark Wishes He Could Travel Forward In Time To Lay A Beatdown On That Poser, Mark Wahlberg, Like In That Dope New Movie Terminator 2. Except Opposite.

 It seems as if the brash young rapper who once snarled, Money is the thing that I need to fulfill my greed is gone.  Thespian Mark Wahlberg, as Marky Mark now prefers to be called, has reached a level of financial success of which the hungry young kid from Boston and his creepy supernumerary nipple might only have dreamed.    

A life of contentment has erased any trace of the beguiling young star who once brazenly dedicated a book to his own penis.  However, it is doubtful that even the most cynical observer would have predicted Wahlberg’s quiet spiral into soullessness.  In a recent interview, the hollow ghost of his former It-Boy incarnation admitted that he would dust off his negligible hip-hop chops to rap on a Justin Bieber album, if only the hairless hit factory would ask him.                              

Vibrations good like Sunkist/Many wanna know who done this
You did it, Marky.  You did it to yourself.  We were powerless to do anything but watch you fall apart.

Word To Facebook

We Have High Hopes For Justin Bieber

04 Wednesday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture, Music

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

androgynous kids are creepy, awful musicians, Celebrity Death Watch, hairless hit factory, Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story, moppet, pop culture, pop phenom, societal carcinoma, stupid shit little girls like, that's expire not retire, you do know that's two colons right?, you got a real purty mouth

By Smaktakula

Sixteen-year-old pop moppet Justin Bieber has announced the upcoming release of his ridiculously-titled photo memoir, Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story.

Promethean Times joins the rest of the adult world in urgently hoping this news indicates that the adorable societal carcinoma has made plans to expire in the very near future.

This Photo Will Be Perfect For The Inquest.

Kurt Cobain’s Spirit Exacts A Slow And Terrible Vengeance On Courtney Love

29 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Drug Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Justice, Music, People, Poetry, Relationships, Scandal

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

1990's, Anna Nicole Smith, awful musicians, Black Widow, cooze, Courtney Love, Dave Grohl, drug addiction, drugs, Frances Bean Cobain, Generation X, gold digger, grunge music, Hole, inebriate, Krist Novoselic, Kurt Cobain, Nirvana, OxyContin, Seattle scene, skankery, suicide, tiresome anachronism, untalented stars, wastrel, Yoko Ono

Courtney Love, Generation X’s heroin-slagged answer to Yoko Ono, is an oozing societal sore which refuses doggedly to heal.               

The most heinous of her crimes, of course, is being so loathsome that Nirvana’s Kurt Cobain found the taste of a shotgun preferable to the thought of spending even one more second listening to Love’s screeching voice.              

Included among the vast legion of people who consider Love an epic cooze is the talentless harpy’s own daughter, Frances Bean Cobain.  The younger Cobain prevailed upon the court recently to emancipate her from the chemical-crazy she-beast from whose cankerous loins she sprang.  The court mercifully agreed.               

Unfortunately for young Francis Bean, the trust fund left for her by her father’s estate won’t be as easy to emancipate.  Just as Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl already know, nobody clings with greater tenacity to the fruits of more talented labors than does Courtney Love.  Adding insult to injury, the trust fund has grown mysteriously lighter, to the tune of $8 Million.*               

Hey Pretty Lady, Was That Your Fine Ass I Saw Down At the SELL-UR-BLOOD The Other Day?

In a final irony, the ravages of an indiscreet lifestyle have transformed Courtney Love from a shapely, Anna Nicole Smith-wannabe into a virtual doppelgänger of Yoko Ono: a yellow, shriveled, screaming mess.               

This Would Be Funny If It Weren’t So . . . Hell, It IS Funny: Click Track – Courtney Love leads Hole through disastrous 9:30 club concert.               

*Sources close to this vapid skank estimate that $8 Million worth of OxyContin would keep Ms. Love high for the better part of two weeks.
Smaktakula

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