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Tag Archives: Yoko Ono

Best of Headlines Part I

30 Monday Jul 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, News, Politics, Science, Sport, Stupidity

≈ 29 Comments

Tags

American Civil War, Arkansas, childish sexual innuendo, drugs, fun with stereotypes, gay people, headlines, hookers, India, Japan, Lady Gaga, Latinos, Leonardo DiCaprio, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, Los Angeles, nudists, perverts, Republicans, Smaktakula is aware that 'penises' is the accepted plural but if it's good enough for Steinbeck it's good enough for you, Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French, Somalia, STDs, the French, Uranus, US Navy, Yoko Ono, you got a real purty mouth

By Smaktakula

Howdy, folks. Headlines has always been one of our favorite Promethean Times features, and recently it seems to have picked up popularity with our readers. This wasn’t always the case. It might surprise you to know we’ve done 23 of these things over the last couple years. That’s like 575 individual headlines, give or take (we didn’t count). Most of them will deservedly be lost to history–there were a lot of duds in the early posts, but we have chosen sixty or so of our favorites from the first fifteen Headlines posts that are almost certainly new to you. Enjoy them again for the first time! ∞ T.

“No, I Said It Made Me Want To ‘Matriculate.’…What?…Well, Sure–That, Too.”

In Which We Comment On The Headlines, But Leave The Reading To People Who Like To Do That Kind Of Thing

***

Can Your Pet Read Your Mind? ~ What?  Are you a child?  No!

Japan scientist synthesizes meat from human feces ~ Known popularly as ‘The Yoko Ono Story.’

Why Do Republicans Love Pizza?  ~ The same reason everybody else loves pizza.

How the Finns stole Thanksgiving ~ On skis, just like they do everything else.

Why the 2012 Hispanic Vote Doesn’t Matter … Yet ~ Whoa! Looks likes someone’s scrubbing his own floor tonight!

Yeah, I’m Pretty Sure They Heard You. Next Time, Just S-P-E-L-L It Out, Okay?

Did Lohan crash DiCaprio’s party? ~ Look, just because I let you blow me once doesn’t mean you can come to my parties.  Twice, whatever.  Get the fuck out.

Somalis Rip Aid Donors for ‘Failing’ Famine Victims ~ If it bothers you so much, then eat your own damn food.   . . .  Oh, right.  Sit tight, folks.

Scientists plan Uranus probe ~ Heh.

Things You Didn’t Know About Your Penis ~ Please. After decades of rigorous hands-on study of our penii coupled with regular field-testing, there’s very little about our one-eyed heat-seeking moisture missiles that still remains a mystery.

Wearing Only a Smile, Nudists Seek Out the Young and the Naked ~ And how is that different from what sexual predators do?

“What Kind Of Parents Do You Think We Are? When A Hairy, Naked Stranger Asks If He Can Take Teddy To The Beach For The Weekend, You Can Bet We’ll Ask A Few Questions. He Checks Out, Though, And Told Us He’d Have Teddy Back Sometime On Monday Or Tuesday.

Shark expert surprised by great white attack on woman ~ If he’s really such an expert, he should know that they do that.

Los Angeles fire captain held in heroin sting ~ The fire captain is a boy. Boys are called “heroes.”

Housewife to pen memoir ~ This Floor Is Clean makes its hardcover debut next spring!

Sukanya Roy, 14, wins Scripps National Spelling Bee with ‘cymotrichous’ ~ If only Sukanya’s special power could somehow prevent the inevitable playground beatings.

Civil War’s dirty secret about slavery ~ Was that a secret?–Because our 8th grade history teacher just couldn’t shut up about it.

You’d Think He’d Have Been Smart Enough Not To Leave A Paper Trail.

25 members of Congress with lowest net worth ~ How much respect should we have for these mouth-breathers if they can’t even steal right?

When it’s time to run for office, fewer women stand up ~ They do the same thing when it’s time to pee.

Why French Parents Are Superior ~ Does smelling like a turd in rotten-egg sauce stuffed inside the bloated belly of a week-old corpse make you a better parent? Because if it does, we totally get it.

Live: Packers pounding Vikes on the way to 9-0 ~ You know, in certain circles that could mean a bunch of gay men are taking painkillers.  Maybe it does anyway.

Really? The Claim: Excess Weight Raises the Risk of Acne ~ Because it’s that zit on your nose that’s keeping you home on Saturday nights, man-tits.

No, Bro–The Headband Totally Covers It! Rusty, My Man–I Think Tonight Is Finally Your Night!

Tradition forces girls into prostitution ~ “My momma was a ho, just like her momma before her.”

Why My Father Hated India ~ We can give you 1.2 billion perfectly good reasons.

Imperfect teeth are big in Japan ~ Yeah, but everything looks a little bigger in Japan.

Ex-Colorado Sheriff Accused of Trading Drugs for Sex Sits in Jail Named After Him ~ AWK-ward.

Gaga’s scent smells like expensive hookers ~ We prefer the delightful bouquet of burned crack infused with fear-sweat and just a hint of urine that distinguishes so many of today’s down-market hos.

We’d Offer You Our Lunch, But Regrettably,We Lost It Just Moments Ago.

Prevent STDs like a porn star ~ Die of a drug overdose before you’re diagnosed.

Gay rights fight, in Allah’s name ~ You know, just printing the words “Gay” and “Allah” in the same sentence can get you killed.

Rising NBA star sleeps on sofa ~ That’s where a lot of former NBA stars sleep as well.

Ark. cities feel unexplained surge in earthquakes ~ Perhaps God is angry about all the incest.

Navy panel allows openly gay sailor to continue to serve ~ Sounds noble, but remember–we’re talking about the Navy.  If it were to jettison all the gay sailors from its ranks, the US Navy would be left with all the fighting strength of the Cape Cod Yacht Club.

Write Your Own Caption About The US Navy. It Should Contain At Least One Childishly Suggestive Reference (e.g., “Swabbing The Poop Deck!”, “Thar He Blows!” Or “I’m Securing Your Shit Below Deck, Sir!”), And Make Gratuitous Use Of The Word ‘Seamen.’ Support Our Troops!

Recent Headlines Not Included Above

(And Which You May Very Well Have Already Seen)

        • Headlines: 04.03.12
        • Headlines: Titanic Edition
        • Headlines 04.30.12
        • Headlines 05.18.12
        • Headlines 05.24.12
        • Headlines 06.01.12
        • Headlines 06.20.12
        • Headlines 06.29.12
        • Headlines 07.13.12
        • Headlines 07.23.12

Look for Best of Headlines Part II later this week!

This Day In Alternate History: Yoko Ono Slain

03 Friday Feb 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Crime, Entertainment, History, Music, News

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

alternate history, Chad, Cyndi Lauper, death by John Lennon, death by Ringo Starr, drugs, Germany, John Lennon, Mexico, murder, New York, outright lies, Ross Perot, succubi, the Beatles, the woman who destroyed the Beatles, Why God? Why?, wish fulfillment, Yoko Ono

By Smaktakula

You're Just Giving Us Ideas, Yoko.

Some call it ‘The Day the Music Didn’t Die,’ and for others it is simply ‘Ononacht.’ In Germany the holiday is known as Tag der toten Hexe, and goes by Tiempo de Quietud in Mexico. In Chad it’s a complicated series of clicks. This auspicious date is known by myriad names throughout the world: regardless of what it is called, nearly everyone remembers the event through the same blood-hued image of a deranged, frozen-fish wielding John Lennon beating to death a wailing Yoko Ono.

Proof That No Matter How Powerful Or Talented, When Drugs Enter The Picture, A Man Will Fuck A Tree-Sloth.

New Yorkers will recall how the biting cold which had settled over the city on that December day in 1980 was almost magically dispelled as the happy news began to spread throughout the city: Despised succubus Yoko Ono was dead, beaten about the head and face with some kind of fish–possibly a cod or grouper, and then stabbed twenty-eight times with a glass chrysanthemum. The news that John Lennon was the sole suspect in the slaying was met with little surprise, but much empathy.

The Assault Was Vicious And Unprovoked.

Initially, authorities were reluctant to pursue charges against the legendary singer.  Said a police representative, “We scoured the scene looking for any shred of evidence that Ms. Ono’s demise was simply a happy accident; we had our best men on it. I may have my own feelings on this matter, but the law is very clear: if there’s a dead body, we’re required to find a perp. And since Mr. Lennon was discovered at the scene crouched weeping over Ono’s battered carcass and bathed in her eerie greenish blood, there wasn’t much I could do.”

The Reaction To The News Of Yoko's Death Was Immediate And Unanimous.

Lennon was acquitted after a two-month trial, his legal team having mounted a spirited and successful justifiable homicide defense. Although this verdict proved only slightly controversial in 1981, it is unanimously heralded today, as Ono’s death removed the final obstacle preventing a long-awaited Beatles reunion. Sadly, the Beatles’ comeback album, Still Lettin’ It Be, proved a commercial and critical failure, the majority of which was attributed to Ringo Starr’s drum playing. Today, however, the album is remembered more fondly, particularly as only two of the Beatles remain alive–Ringo died along with Cyndi Lauper in a 1986 murder-suicide pact, and George Harrison was slain two years later by crazed fan Ross Perot.

Banging Yoko Ono When You're A Rock Star Is Like A Rich Dude Buying A Chevy Lumina. Why Would You Do It?

Yoko Ono is  a relic of a horrible and best-forgotten past, who, if she is remembered at all, is known as the Delilah who nearly destroyed the greatest rock & roll group of all time. We can be grateful, however, that she did not succeed, and imagine instead a world where it was Lennon rather than Ono who was slain, and where the shrieking, talentless howler monkey lived on leech-like upon the great man’s legacy. Such a possibility is too depressingly horrible to even contemplate.

That's Just Not A World In Which We Want To Live.

Thou Shalt Have No Other Dead Beatle Before Me

04 Wednesday Jan 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture, Entertainment, Music, Religion, Stupidity

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Beatles, Cee Lo Green, censorship, dogma, heresy, John Lennon, NBC, New Year's Eve, New York City, Religion, sacred texts, shut your mouth!, the Word of God, Yoko Ono

By Smaktakula

"Tell Me Who's That Writin' / John The Revelator / Tell Me Who's That Writin' / John The Revelator / Who's That Writin' / John The Revelator Wrote The Book Of The Seven Seals"

If he had to do it again, musician Cee Lo Green most likely wouldn’t have ushered in 2012 with a blasphemous appearance on national television.  He did, however, and just a few days later a reeling public is still hurt and confused.

It remains unclear just why the singer insulted the faith of millions with his callous comments, but unless he can somehow manage to right his rapidly sinking ship, Green’s actions may have seriously damaged his career.  With the exception of the lunatic fringe, the music-buying public tends to avoid those artists associated with hate.

"He Got Hair Down Below His Knees / Hold You In His Armchair / You Can Feel His Disease"

Here’s what happened:  Green was scheduled to perform John Lennon’s Imagine before an audience of millions on NBC’s New Year’s Eve broadcast from Times Square.  But Green, apparently ignorant of the sacrosanctity of Lennon’s lyrics, changed the words of this immortal song.  While Lennon originally sang “nothing to kill or die for/ and no religion too,” Green sang, “Nothing to kill or die for/ and all religion’s true.”

This is highly offensive to Lennon’s fans, who despise the dogma and rigidity of organized religion, and have loudly lambasted Green for his insensitivity.   Lennonists contend that the Word of John must remain inviolable if it is to act as a bulwark against the crippling conformity and monomania of organized religion.

"Well You Know / We All Want To Change Your Head / You Tell Me It's The Institution / Well You Know / You Better Free Your Mind Instead"

And in someone so wise and strong / a desire for Yoko is hard to see / there won’t come an answer / let it be. ∞ T.

Headlines 06.27.11

27 Monday Jun 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Crime, Culture, History, Music, News, Politics, Science, Sport, Stupidity

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Americans of Singularity Descent, Amy Winehouse, Ayman al-Zawahiri, bad parents, bilingual, black holes, Chicago, corruption, death by drunk driving, dictators, flash mob, Frank McCourt, gender issues, headlines, human feces, Jackass, Julia Sweeney, Keith Richards, Libya, Los Angeles Dodgers, Mexican drug cartel, Minot, NATO, New Jersey, Newt Gingrich, North Dakota, playground beatings, Ryan Dunn, San Francisco Giants, Snooki, Spelling Bee, thanks a lot mom, untouchables, Yoko Ono

By Smaktakula

Because who has time to read the articles, right?

One Of The Few Periodicals To Meet Our Exacting Journalistic Standards.

Parents keep child’s gender secret ~ Regardless of the creature’s gender, it’s destined to grow up to be a smug, self-righteous fucknugget like Mom & Dad.

“Thanks A Lot, Mom And Dad!”

The Bilingual Advantage ~ The big advantage is knowing when the help is talking about you.

‘I shot the cruellest dictator in the Americas ~ “But I did not shoot the deputy cruellest dictator in the Americas.”

Sukanya Roy, 14, wins Scripps National Spelling Bee with ‘cymotrichous’ ~ If only Sukanya’s special power could prevent the inevitable playground beatings.

Is Frank McCourt really the worst owner in baseball? ~ Does Ayman al-Zawahiri still own a controlling interest in the San Francisco Giants?  Otherwise it’s Frank, hands down.

His Palatial Home Is Built Entirely From The Bones Of Kittens.

Death of 91-year-old spotlights line between care and killing ~ And, at 91, plain old bad luck.

Gingrich campaign hit by defections ~ We would like this a lot better if Newt were hit with ‘defecation.’

Ancient sea turtle discovered in N.J. ~ Sorry to get the scientists so hot & bothered for a false alarm, but you knew all that fake tanning would catch up to Snooki eventually.

If You’ve Never Gotten Really Drunk And Then Humped A Bright Orange Beach Ball, You Aren’t In A Position To Judge.

Love thy neighbor: Son’s killer moves next door ~ Find out what happens when people stop being polite…and start getting real.  Thursdays at 10 PM on MTV.

Mexican cartels now using tanks ~ The world must act now before cartel scientists manage to create or steal enough fissionable material to create la bomba de gran tamaño.

Chicago Police Brace for ‘Flash Mob’ Attack ~Not to worry–the mob owns Chicago PD.

With A Combined Weight Of 678 Pounds And Only One Mustache Between Them, It Takes Four Untouchables To Equal One Modern-Day Chicago Cop.

Murdered woman recorded fight with husband before death ~ When you marry a woman who’s smarter than you are, you’re just asking for trouble.  

Japan scientist synthesizes meat from human feces ~ Known popularly as ‘The Yoko Ono Story.’

NATO strike kills 15 Libyan civilians ~Considering Lockerbie, the Libyan people still owe the free world about 245 souls, give or take.

Black holes abound in early universe ~ We thought the world had moved past all this racist nonsense.

Amy Winehouse added to the list of biggest boos ~ Because, heaven knows, she’s not gonna make the list for ‘biggest boobs.’

It’s A Given That You Won’t Go Back To Rehab, No, No, No. But If We Paid For A Boob Job, Would You Go, Go, Go?

Rolling Stones’ Keith Richards ‘put his teeth back in with superglue’  ~ Then what happened?

4000 Minot homes to be swamped by day’s end ~ Dear God!  Our sense of what is normal and right has been turned on its head.  We had no clue that more than 150 people lived in Minot, North Dakota.    

                                                 

Friend remembers Ryan Dunn’s last moments ~ Really?  Because it seems like those last moments were the worst.

“Someday The Mountain Might Get Me,” Dunn Told Perplexed Friends In The Days Before The ‘Accident,’ Swearing, “But The Law Never Will.”

Want more of this foolishness?

  • Promethean Times Responds To The Headlines
  • Headlines II
  • Headlines III
  • Headlines IV
  • Headlines V

Moronic Song Inspires Moronic Death Threats

29 Friday Apr 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Crime, Culture, Music, News

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Adam Lambert, Auto-Tune, Bono, devolution, Emil Haagerdäddi, Friday, Good Charlotte, John Hinckley Jr., John Lennon, Kirstie Alley, Kurt Cobain, Mark David Chapman, psychos, Rebecca Black, stupid people, stupid shit little girls like, Susan Boyle, The Catcher in the Rye, Twilight, untalented stars, weirdos, William Hung, Yoko Ono

By Smaktakula

Once Upon A Time, Psychos Shot Public Figures To Impress Acclaimed Actresses. Today They'll Do It For Kirstie Alley.

The world has changed a great deal since Mark David Chapman was convinced by overrated teen-angst novel The Catcher in the Rye that John Lennon was a “phony” and needed to die.  Although Chapman will be forever hated as the man who killed John Lennon but didn’t kill Yoko Ono when he had the chance, it must be granted that in selecting the former Beatle as the target for his psychopathic rage, he was certainly aiming high.

Still Alive. Why, God? Why?

In 2011, fringy weirdos are apparently under no compulsion to set such lofty goals for themselves, as evidenced by disturbing news from Anaheim, California that imbecilic viral sensation Rebecca Black has received two death threats.  An unnamed source with the Anaheim PD confirmed the report, saying: “It’s baffling that someone should be upset over this song.”  While admitting it was insipid, aural crack, he added, “But Rebecca has an IQ of 73–she literally doesn’t know what she’s singing–or Auto-Tuning, rather.”

The offensive video:

There are those who remain unconcerned about this incident, denying any link to a wider social trend, reasoning that, after all, Friday is a pretty shitty song.  But a growing number of cultural watchdogs see this as symptomatic of society’s devolution as a whole.  “A few years ago,” says Dr. Emil Haagerdäddi of the Cambridge Institute for Stalker Studies, “This nut would have been gunning for Bono or Kurt Cobain.  But those pukes in Good Charlotte are too highbrow for today’s headcase.  It’s sad, really.”

A Literary Work No Longer Needs To Have Cultural Resonance To Inspire Pathetically Crazed Fans.

It’s too early to tell if the doomsayers are correct in believing that humanity has fallen to such a level that the effect is evidenced even in society’s outliers.  True or not, it’s best to err on the side of caution, and provide a little extra protection for such pop music footnotes as Susan Boyle and that pouty little gay kid from American Idol.

William Hung: This Talentless Blob Fears For His Life.

Black Widow Living In Well-Deserved Squalor

03 Thursday Mar 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, News

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Black Widow, cooze, Emmanuel Lewis, Gary Coleman, Gary Coleman's widow, gold digger, living in squalor, Lynndie England, meal ticket, places that suck, Sao Paulo, schadenfreude, Shannon Price, small black actor, tabloids, The Globe, treachery, Utah, Yoko Ono

By Smaktakula

Don't Waste Your Energy Feeling Sorry For Shannon. Seriously--The Chick's A Cooze.

Fans of Schadenfreude were thrilled by the news that Shannon Price, best known for her half-marriage with half-man Gary Coleman, is living like a filthy animal.  In Utah!  It seems that the unrepentant black widow still resides in the home she mooched from her tiny meal ticket and in which she let him die, only now the home is occupied by actual black widows–also Price’s dad, her brother, several hounds and about 3,600 cubic feet of refuse.

"For Reals--The Thing Hangs All The Way To My Knees. Still, She Won't Touch Me."

For some, it may be instinctive to pity Ms. Price for maintaining her home like a São Paulo shanty, just as they might a hamster long untended by its keeper and forced to eat its own droppings to gain a few more precious hours of life.  This charity is undeserved; anyone feeling sorry for the strawberry strumpet either ignores or has forgotten that she wasted precious minutes getting her shit together while her twitching ex-husband lay dying on the concrete floor of the laundry room.  In a final indignity, she posed for pictures with Coleman on his deathbed before selling the images to the insipid British tabloid, The Globe.

We Are Mystified As To Why Gary's Parents Did Not Invite This Cooze To The Actor's Funeral.

Adding to the enormity of her coozehood is Price’s ridiculous claim that it would somehow upset her deceased ex-husband if he knew she was living this way. Coleman, known for his misanthropic love of trains and little else, would most likely be pained only to learn that the talentless Yoko was still living.

Gary's Unquiet Spirit Was Profoundly Moved To Hear Of Shannon's Plight.

Although she is content for the present to live like a rodent in a urine-soaked flyfarm, Price’s future remains a mystery.  The only thing anyone knows for sure is that Emmanuel Lewis isn’t returning her calls.

Shannon Chooses As Her Role Models Take-Charge Gals Who Like To Have A Good Time And Aren't Afraid To Make A Mistake.

Does God Exist?

08 Monday Nov 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Religion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

burning bush, cultural cockroach, God, gold digger, higher power, I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?, John Lennon, Lolcats, Lotrimin, Mark David Chapman, meal ticket, performance artists, proving the existence of God, the Almighty, the woman who destroyed the Beatles, Tokyo, untalented stars, Why God? Why?, Yoko Ono

By Smaktakula

The Revelatory Powers Of A Burning Bush Are Legendary. Fortunately, Lotrimin Produces An Ointment Which Will Help Soothe The Itching And Discomfort.

Such a fundamentally contentious issue as the existence of a higher power, despite that the question must be answerable by either a yes or no, is too complex to answer neatly in a few short paragraphs, and frankly, more than a little beyond our intellectual safety zone.

Promethean Times is always eager to let our readers do the intellectual hard work.  Leaving the question in your capable hands, we present a single piece of evidence both for and against the existence of the Almighty.

For: Lolcats.

He's Asking For A Cheeseburger, But It's Comically Misspelled! Could You Just Die?

Against: The continuing existence of Yoko Ono.

Tenaciously Managing To Survive Both The Firebombing Of Tokyo And Mark David Chapman's Point-Blank Slaying Of Her Meal-Ticket Husband, This Shrieking Cultural Cockroach Will Outlive Us All.

Kurt Cobain’s Spirit Exacts A Slow And Terrible Vengeance On Courtney Love

29 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Drug Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Justice, Music, People, Poetry, Relationships, Scandal

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

1990's, Anna Nicole Smith, awful musicians, Black Widow, cooze, Courtney Love, Dave Grohl, drug addiction, drugs, Frances Bean Cobain, Generation X, gold digger, grunge music, Hole, inebriate, Krist Novoselic, Kurt Cobain, Nirvana, OxyContin, Seattle scene, skankery, suicide, tiresome anachronism, untalented stars, wastrel, Yoko Ono

Courtney Love, Generation X’s heroin-slagged answer to Yoko Ono, is an oozing societal sore which refuses doggedly to heal.               

The most heinous of her crimes, of course, is being so loathsome that Nirvana’s Kurt Cobain found the taste of a shotgun preferable to the thought of spending even one more second listening to Love’s screeching voice.              

Included among the vast legion of people who consider Love an epic cooze is the talentless harpy’s own daughter, Frances Bean Cobain.  The younger Cobain prevailed upon the court recently to emancipate her from the chemical-crazy she-beast from whose cankerous loins she sprang.  The court mercifully agreed.               

Unfortunately for young Francis Bean, the trust fund left for her by her father’s estate won’t be as easy to emancipate.  Just as Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl already know, nobody clings with greater tenacity to the fruits of more talented labors than does Courtney Love.  Adding insult to injury, the trust fund has grown mysteriously lighter, to the tune of $8 Million.*               

Hey Pretty Lady, Was That Your Fine Ass I Saw Down At the SELL-UR-BLOOD The Other Day?

In a final irony, the ravages of an indiscreet lifestyle have transformed Courtney Love from a shapely, Anna Nicole Smith-wannabe into a virtual doppelgänger of Yoko Ono: a yellow, shriveled, screaming mess.               

This Would Be Funny If It Weren’t So . . . Hell, It IS Funny: Click Track – Courtney Love leads Hole through disastrous 9:30 club concert.               

*Sources close to this vapid skank estimate that $8 Million worth of OxyContin would keep Ms. Love high for the better part of two weeks.
Smaktakula

Shannon Price Is A Cooze

18 Friday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Hollywood, Justice, National Events, People, Relationships, Scandal, Television

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

ad hominem, Black Widow, cooze, dead celebrities, famous for nothing, Gary Coleman, Gary Coleman's widow, gingers, gold digger, hypocrisy, Promethean Times has neither a sense of decency nor propriety, pure evil, Shannon Price, unrepentant, vulgarity, Yoko Ono

Nothing ad hominem about it . . .          

To Add Insult To Injury: I Wouldn't Put Out

. . . Ms. Price let her husband die.  As such, our vulgarity is germane to the discussion.       

Even if this unrepentant black widow never sees a courtroom for her deeds, she’s doomed to live out the rest of her days, saddled with the guilt of killing the goose that lays the golden eggs.*       

*By ‘goose that lays the golden eggs’ we mean ‘small black actor who, insofar as we are able to determine did not actually lay golden eggs,’ but was a human being with all humanity’s accordant dignity, and deserved neither his sad death nor the snide comments Promethean Times has been making since then, up to and including this sentence. 
Alas, we’re inveterate hypocrites.

Gary Coleman’s Widow Took Some Time To Get Her Shit Together Before Giving Aid To Dying Husband

03 Thursday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Health, Hollywood, National Events, People, Relationships, Television

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Black Widow, Cathy Smith, Celebrity Death Watch, celebrity deaths, Diff'rent Strokes, Diff'rent Strokes Curse, emergency aid, Emmanuel Lewis, famous short people, famous virgins, Gary Coleman, Gary Coleman's widow, John Belushi, Shannon Price, small black actor, speedball, unconsummated marriages, Yoko Ono

Not since Cathy Smith served John Belushi his last speedball has a woman been responsible for singlehandedly robbing the world of so much talent.

Black Widow & Black Midget During Happier Times

Shannon Price, who claims to be Gary Coleman’s wife (Coleman’s lawyer claims the couple was divorced at the time of the actor’s death), delayed seeking aid for a wounded Coleman, who later died.

From the 911 call:

“He just got home, I heard this big bang, I went downstairs. Blood everywhere,” she says. “I don’t know if he’s OK. I’m not down there right now because I have seizures, if I get stressed out I’m going to seize.”

Nice going, Yoko.

Hear The Future Mrs. Emmanuel Lewis’ Side Of The Story: Gary Coleman’s wife resisted giving him emergency aid – CNN.com.

Smaktakula

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