Tag Archives: bunched panties

Prophet’s Stint As Guest-Editor Of Humor Magazine Surprisingly Unfunny

30 Wednesday Nov 2011

Posted by in Crime, Culture, News, Politics, Religion

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By Smaktakula

Arrogant, You Knew. Dirty, You Knew. But Bravely Committed To The Ideals Of Free Speech?

It sounded like a great idea: invite Islam’s premier prophet to guest edit a French humor magazine.  The editors of French Satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo had long sought to entice the Prophet Mohammed to bring his singular wit and warm sense of humor to their magazine.  Charlie Hebdo’s editors were ecstatic when Mohammed agreed to a guest editorship, but what no one could have expected was that things would quickly turn deadly.

What's Everybody Getting So Upset About? It Looks Like A Penis In A Chef's Cap. . .Oh, God--Please Don't Kill Us.

Although impossible to foresee, the Prophet’s selection proved controversial.  Charlie Hebdo’s editors expressed surprise at the outrage, claiming that Mohammed’s selection was to celebrate the victory in Tunisia by an Islamist party during the so-called ‘Arab Spring.’  Further, in a move the magazine staff was sure would delight Muslims worldwide, they decided to honor the Prophet on their cover, depicting him in cartoon saying, ‘100 lashes if you’re not dying of laughter.’

This Disturbing Image Is Insensitive To Muslims! Not That It Matters, But We Suppose It's Also Offensive To Satanic Crusaders And Filthy Jews.

Surprisingly, the Islamic community was not entirely amused.  Although known for being an easy-going and tolerant religion, some Islamists reacted to the Prophet’s guest-editor stint with uncharacteristic rage.  Charlie Hebdo received a number of threats on various social networking sites, but no one took seriously the notion that an adherent of Islam would commit violence in the name of Allah.

If You Want To Mock Christian Figures--Including Their God, Knock Yourself Out--The Worst You Need Fear Is A Stern Talking-To.

Amazingly, that’s just what happened.  Charlie Hebdo‘s Paris offices were destroyed by a petrol bomb.  Even now, weeks later, a stunned world is still trying to make sense of this.  Some so-called ‘experts’ have opined that the violence was the work of radical Muslims, who are sometimes known to be touchy about depictions of the Prophet.  Promethean Times disagrees.  Whoever the vandals are, they’re more likely to be angry Christians or Jews.  If there’s one thing we know about Muslims, it’s that they can take a joke.

"I Don't Get It."

Pork: The Other Hate Meat

09 Thursday Dec 2010

Posted by in Culture, Politics, Religion, Stupidity

≈ 6 Comments

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By Smaktakula

Get It Straight: Bacon Doesn't Love You. It's Only Hanging Around To Get A Crack At Your Hot Sister.

In American society’s quest to regulate speech in the interests of sensitivity and to answer the burning question Why are we so full of hate?, it must constantly reexamine various societal motifs and weed out those which have gained hateful properties. One of America’s favorite meats has undergone such a transformation: pork has stepped over to the dark side.  It is now a hate meat.

So If You Were Trapped On A Desert Island, And The Only Things Available To Eat Were Either A Pig Or A Jewish Dude . . .

To Muslims, the pig is one of many objects and things proscribed by Islam as ritually unclean.  Detractors of the Religion of Peace have begun to exploit this injunction.  Pork-related anti-Muslim attacks are on the rise across the country, including a recent episode where the words PIG and CHUMP were spelled out in bacon on a sidewalk in front of a North Carolina mosque.  For many within the Muslim community this was no bit of porcine playfulness, but nothing less than a direct assault on the peaceful teachings of Islam–a hate crime.

Not Quite So Literal, Jackass.

Some observers wonder: Are anti-Muslim activities on the rise, or has the Muslim community become more sensitive?  The Jewish faith has a similar proscription against pork, and has no doubt suffered many of the same food-related indignities as have Muslims in its long association with American life.  Nonetheless, we don’t hear as much about the hate food issue from Jewish people, who are perhaps more concerned with actual violence–sometimes perpetrated by Muslims–rather than imagined, symbolic violence.

While We're On The Subject Of Ritual Cleanliness, Let's Talk About That Beard.

In this regard, strictures on Muslim hygiene are much more severe than those of the Jewish faith, possibly the origin of the favored Islamic epithet, “dirty Jew.”  Whereas Jews only have to avoid eating unclean creatures, and more obvious prohibitions like not fornicating with them or wearing their skins, Muslims go all the way, with some even declaring an image of something unclean to be an affront to the Almighty.

And Worst Of All, The Little Infidel Creature Refuses To Wear Pants.

The potential list of Muslim vulnerabilities doesn’t end with pork; Islam defines several objects and creatures as ritually unclean.  Dogs, popular enough in the West to earn the affectionate sobriquet ‘Man’s Best Friend,’ are among the things the Koran has determined to be forbidden.  In fact, in Scotland recently a police postcard featuring the image of an adorable police dog puppy created outrage in the Muslim community.  The postcard was withdrawn and an abject apology soon followed.

Ritually Unclean Things Have A Similar Effect Upon Muslims.

This prohibition against dogs has also caused some Muslim cab drivers at the Minneapolis Airport to refuse to transport passengers with dogs.  Some refused people carrying alcohol or who had been drinking, another Islamic no-no.  There’s no word on whether these cab drivers refused entry to an unveiled woman  or one who dared to have a job.

Poster

A Cruel Slap In The Face To Islam. Bad Dog!

As mentioned earlier, while Muslims are by no means alone in following strict dietary and religious procedures, they stand out by demanding that people of other faiths observe these same strictures.  Orthodox Jews, for example, are religiously prohibited from mixing beef and dairy products, some going so far as to have separate ovens–and in some cases separate kitchens–for the two substances.  Curiously, there has not been a concerted effort by Jews to prevent people of other faiths from combining these two food products as they see fit.

The Real Face Of Pork. Not So Pretty, Eh?

In a possibly-related piece of news, scientists have discovered that diets low in pork-related products may in some instances cause people to become whiny bitches.* Efforts to produce sausage from contrived outrage and self-flagellation have yet to offer tangible results.

We Acknowledge That Some Bacon Is An Affront To God.

*Readers may be interested to know that Smaktakula does not eat pork products of any kind.  Draw your own conclusions. ∞T

I Disagree With What You Say, And I Will Ruin You If You Say It.

28 Tuesday Sep 2010

Posted by in Culture, News, Politics, Religion, Stupidity

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By Smaktakula

It's Hard To Look Dignified With A Ferret Humping Your Upper Lip.

The town of Gainesville, Florida saw in deranged fucknugget Terry Jones a way not only to pusillanimously distance itself from the controversy engendered by the pastor’s threat to burn several copies of the Koran, but also to pad the city coffers with some much-needed cash.  The ‘gator-infested mosquito farm-with-a-zip code presented Jones a bill for the security the city had hired in the event of violence.

By hitting the Reverend with a bill he almost certainly could not pay, Gainesville found a way to tell rest of the world–the Muslim world in particular–that it does not tolerate free speech when that so-called free speech upsets such a large group of sensitive, and more critically, violence prone-individuals.  The good folks of Gainesville joined legions of other self-loathing Americans who not only rightly decried Jones’ plans, but became venomous in their efforts to prove that they stood on the correct side of popular opinion.  Most surprisingly was the nearly universal (at least insofar as the media was concerned) agreement that burning the Koran was a taboo surpassed by few others, the insinuation being that the Reverend knew that he had passed the accepted limits of free speech.

Gainesville: "We Don't Want No Trouble, Y'all."

Although Jones failed to follow through on his threat, the uproar caused by the nonevent did result in the bunching of panties throughout the Arab world.   Several people were killed in rioting even after it was announced that no Korans would be harmed.

There Are Many Similarities Between These Guys And The Tea Party. The Difference? The Media Isn't Too Pussy To Mock The Tea Partiers.

Given that freedom of expression is ostensibly one of America’s most cherished rights–the Founding Fathers having apparently thought so highly of it that they chose it to kick off the Bill of Rights– it might be expected that Americans would grudgingly rally to Jones’ defense.  After all, how often in America does some self-satisfied prick serenely mouth the platitude so often misattributed to Voltaire: I may disagree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it?

Now, Now . . . Let's Hear Them Out.

Add to this America’s proud history standing up against religious calls for censorship.  When Martin Scorsese released his brilliant 1988 film, The Last Temptation of Christ, which the Catholic Church condemned as blasphemous, Americans made the choice for themselves.  The following year “artist” Andres Serrano photographed a crucifix suspended in a jar of his own urine, calling it  Piss Christ and himself an artist.  Christians across the globe were offended at the image of their Lord and Savior swimming in a vat of piss, but American values of free expression permitted cooler heads to prevail.  When Cagney and Lacey was taken off the air in 1983, the people would not have it; the gals were back long enough for a grateful nation to watch Tyne Daly begin to plump up.

Relax, Christians: It's Only Your Lord And Savior Bathed In Urine. You Can Either Respect The First Amendment Or You Can Threaten To Blow Shit Up.

In the face of histrionics from Muslims worldwide and self-righteous head shaking from the rest of the globe, America’s public response was a firm and immediate denunciation of Jones.  Watching pundits and try to one-up one another with contrived indignation became a sport.  By the time President Obama summoned his inner Neville Chamberlain to act as a sort of Appeaser-In-Chief, Jones had no choice but to back down.  That he did is unquestionably a good thing.  That he was bullied so shamefully into it by the media and his government is not.

The Taliban Thought These Historical Religious Carvings Were An Insult To Allah.

The Reverend Jones is unquestionably an attention-hungry con man–more PT Barnum than Jim Jones, whose actions should rightly be castigated.   But  a large segment of those shouting the loudest in this argument miss a larger point.  Although Jones may have talked about burning the Koran and more than likely intended to do it, he didn’t actually do it.  Jones has been punished not for an action which outside of Sharia Law would have been legal anyway, but rather for an unpopular thought.

STOP! Is That A Koran? Sorry, Our Bad--Carry On.

Free speech still exists in America, but only for those with nothing to lose.  The old quote needs to be updated: If I disagree with what you say I will hound you to death should you say it.