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Tag Archives: Deep Throat

LiLo’s Got The Meth Mouth

18 Tuesday Oct 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Crime, Culture, Entertainment, News

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Celebrity Death Watch, Deep Throat, Flower of American Skankhood, irresponsible allegations, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, meth, meth mouth, methamphetamine, rotting teeth, skanks, you got a real purty mouth

By Smaktakula

You Know You're Famous When Forgetting To Brush Your Teeth Causes A Minor Media Sensation.

True? False? That’s what the gossip sites are reporting, anyway. More accurately, they’re claiming that the self-destructing former starlet and Flower of American Skankhood has a mouth full of rotting teeth, from which Promethean Times irresponsibly infers that said condition is a consequence of snorting* great big piles of methamphetamine.

Or it could just be improper hygiene. Remembering to brush after meals can help to preserve healthy teeth for a lifetime. Sadly, LiLo has yet to demonstrate that she can inculcate positive habits into her life, having been “fired” from her community service work at Skid Row Woman’s Shelter. A few months ago, Promethean Times opined of Ms. Lohan, “the time to hit that is now.” Sadly, it appears that the time to hit that has passed.

* Meth can also be smoked or taken intravenously. Promethean Times alleges that Ms. Lohan rubs it into cuts. ∞ T.

Historical Figures With Unfortunate Nicknames: Deep Throat

18 Friday Mar 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in History, News, Politics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Backdoor Intruder, Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein, Deep Throat, FBI, Federal Bureau of Investigation, G-Men, History, How much does Carl Bernstein hate Bob Woodward? Lots., illegal wiretaps, Mark Felt, meal ticket, porno movies, snitches, terrorists, Throbby Johnson, unfortunate nicknames, unrepentant, Washington Post, Watergate, Weather Underground

By Smaktakula

G-Man Mark Felt had an eventful career, rising to become deputy director of the FBI, and until recently was best known for illegally wiretapping the Weather Underground, which caused the case against the unrepentant terrorists to be dismissed.  But Felt’s most significant contribution to history, which would have gone unknown until is 2008 death if his children hadn’t wanted to cash in on it, was as Watergate whistleblower Deep Throat.

Was Hoping For A Less Suggestive Nickname, Perhaps "Backdoor Intruder" Or "Throbby Johnson."

So far it doesn’t appear to be the cash cow the younger Felts had hoped.  It turns out that, even if they approve of the action, nobody likes a snitch.

LiLo Blowing Chance To Portray Infamous Cinematic Fellatrix

22 Wednesday Sep 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Cinema, Crime, Stupidity

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

arrests, BJs, blow jobs, celebrity skin, childish sexual innuendo, Chris Hanley, cocaine, Deep Throat, Dimeatapp, drugs, Emil Haagerdäddi, fellatio, fellatrix, Fifteen Minutes of Fame, Flower of American Skankhood, former child stars, Inferno, LEAVE LINDSAY ALONE!!!, LiLo, LiLophiles, Linda Lovelace, Lindsay Lohan, methamphetamine, porno movies, pornography, pr0n, rehab, sausage smuggling, skanks, slobbin' the knob, the coke favored by Clan Lohan is neither a coal by-product nor a cola, untalented stars, Where Are They Now?, you got a real purty mouth

By Smaktakula

Lindsay Lohan’s  escapades have led to a warrant for her arrest, and cast doubt upon the fate of the former child star’s latest comeback vehicle, Inferno.  The warrant comes as a response to the Flower of American Skankhood’s most recent parole violations, testing positive for both cocaine and amphetamines.

A Classy Role For A Classy Lady.

This unwelcome news comes as a surprise to most LiLophiles, are said to have feared Lohan might at most test positive for either cocaine or amphetamines, but not both.

“As a worst case scenario,” says Dr. Emil Haagerdäddi, curator of Branson’s Musee d’Lohan, “I thought perhaps it would be cocaine and Dimeatapp, or amphetamines and nutmeg.  But this?  No one expected this.”

Don't Choke: The Hardest Thing For Lindsay To Swallow Will Be The Huge Load Shooting Will Impose On Her Time. If She Is Wise And Doesn't Take This Opportunity As A Gag, It Will End With Lindsay Being Covered In A Big, Sticky Wad Of Cash.

Initial reports said that the producers of Inferno, a biopic about 70’s porn pioneer Linda Lovelace, were “beyond irritated” at Lohan’s latest arrest.  According to producer Chris Hanley, nothing could be further from the truth. “We do believe that Lindsay’s talent does weigh very heavily in the matter,” Hanley said.

Promethean Times agrees.  Although Lohan’s acting gifts are at best pedestrian, it is difficult to imagine this role being played by any other actress.  Who is better suited than Lindsay Lohan to portray a drug addled and morally bankrupt would-be starlet who peaked too early in life, and would forever after be remembered only for her sausage smuggling skills?

"Hello?!? It's The Role I Was Born To Play!"

mhhmm mmm hhmm!

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