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Tag Archives: white trash

An Amtrak Murder Mystery!

20 Monday Sep 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Agatha Christie, Amtrak, Barbara Arteta, broken neck, death by train, Did she jump or was she pushed?, Florida, Georgia, Greyhound, It's always the husband, murder, Murder on the Olahatchee Express, murdering spouses, mysterious death, rolling bedlam, Sanford, train travel, trains, Wayne County, white trash

By Smaktakula

In rural Wayne County, Georgia, no one expected to find a corpse lying alongside the train tracks.  The body, belonging to a middle-aged white woman, had a broken neck, as well as other injuries.

The New Amtrak Promises Heart-Pounding Excitement. The Decrepit Spinster Who Babbles Incessantly About Her 12 Cats Named 'Muffin' May Just Be A Murderess!

The victim was Barbara Arteta, an Amtrak passenger destined for Sanford, Florida.  Arteta had been reported missing earlier by her husband when she failed to appear at the Sanford station.  Authorities are unable to determine if Arteta was pushed or if she jumped, but since she was not in possession of the $1,000 in cash her family told investigators she was carrying, authorities are calling the death ‘suspicious.’

The situation is not unlike an Agatha Christie murder mystery, with the exception that whereas Christie’s murders were almost always executed with panache and cunning, the real-life slaying is a ham-fisted act of grotesque brutality.  Also, rather than genteel Englishpersons and their silent, darting servants, the motley cast of characters involved in Arteta’s drama are most likely reminiscent of escapees from a Depression-Era freak show.

Any One Of Them Could Have Done It: The Train Passengers Pose With Barbara Arteta's Grieving Husband.

Authorities are questioning the other passengers, but they are not optimistic that a clear answer will reveal itself any time soon.  Until the police unearth some firm leads, Barbara Arteta’s final moments will remain a mystery.

Meanwhile, Greyhound’s corporate officers are said to be delighted that Amtrak’s murder woes have helped the travelling public forget that not only does the craziness found on a single cross-country bus make New York’s Bellevue Hospital seem like a nursing home quilting bee by comparison, but that buses are basically Honeybuckets on wheels.

Don't Make The Same Mistake Babs Did: Keep At Least One Nice Photo Around The House So That If You Are Murdered Or Disappear Mysteriously, You Won't Be Posthumously Humiliated By Your Televised Image.

Promethean Times‘ irresponsible and unfounded determination of the guilty party:  It was the husband.  It’s always the husband.

America’s Favorite White Trash Soap Opera Renewed For Another Season

16 Friday Jul 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, General Foolishness, National Events, People, Politics, Relationships, Scandal

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Alaska, baby daddy, baby mama, Bristol Palin, engagement, hicks, Levi Johnston, rednecks, reunion, Sarah Palin, spectacle, white trash

‘Cause Bristol and Levi are back together, Y’all!

Levi Johnston And Baby Mama: True Love Is Forever

The Odds Against Levi Dying A Natural Death Are Currently 14:1-Bristol Palin, Levi Johnston reveal engagement – TODAY People – TODAYshow.com.

Smaktakula

Authorities Still Unable To Find Crime With Which To Charge Guy Fieri

02 Wednesday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Art, Crime, Culture, General Foolishness, Justice, People, Television

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

celebrity chef, criminals, culinary crimelord, Diners Drive-Ins and Dives, Food Network, Guy Fieri, Juan-Carlos Cruz, murder-for-hire, skeevy, unleashed, unpunished, unrepentant, white trash

By Smaktakula

For the second time in the past few months, a celebrity chef has been charged with a crime.  And again, it wasn’t Guy Fieri.        

The severity of these crimes appears to be on the rise. Juan-Carlos Cruz has been accused of soliciting murder-for-hire.        

If He Had It To Do Again, Juan-Carlos Would Most Likely NOT Enlist Random Homeless People In A Murder-For-Hire Plot.

It would be hard to find someone critical of putting a murderer–or in Cruz’ case, an alleged murderer–behind bars.  The community is undeniably a safer place with Cruz off the streets.       

Critics charge that offenders such as Cruz are low-hanging fruit.  Perhaps the authorities would be wise to invest their energies in bringing down America’s culinary crimelord:       

Fieri: Unpunished, Unrepentant, Unleashed

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Jackpot, My Ass

27 Tuesday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Culture, Stupidity

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

backwater shithole, BFE, Botswana, hellhole, Idaho, internet, Jackpot, jerkwater burg, Nevada, places that suck, the sticks, white trash, wide spot in the road

Smaktakula manages to find the only hotel in North America without wireless internet.

If Smaktakula wanted to live in Botswana he would fucking move to Botswana.

You’ve made the list, Jackpot, Nevada.

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